Not anymore, but I used to ask myself the same questions as you and torment myself. I want to share many things with you, but first I will answer your questions that are important to you and I will respect them. Why don't they love each other? I didn't love myself because I was staring at my mistakes and demanding too much of myself. When I achieved something, I was happy for exactly 2 minutes, after which I found a new goal to bother with. I didn't have the option to take a break, to respect myself and my needs. I was constantly pushing myself, my thoughts were something like: You have to do this, you have no choice, you have to get up, see how others can, why your hair is still a mess, why you don't smile like her, why you don't win this contest, why don't you want to go to that presentation, come on, come on, more, you can. I was still tormented, man! I never think about my achievements and my good qualities, because only the bad ones mattered to me. Have they ever loved each other? Yes already. When did they stop loving themselves? Somewhere around 13-14 years old, maybe. Something like that. Certainly at the beginning of puberty, when a person begins to see the world differently. I started loving myself when I saw myself at the bottom. I felt very stressed for months until I finally collapsed. I felt alone then, not that I was alone. I closed myself in. I turned off my internet and phone for a few days. I have helped people in such conditions, so I knew I could help myself. It was my first drop of confidence, but it was enough for me. I decided that I would accept myself as a bystander. I imagined that I was both a parent and a child, a species. I read about this method somewhere. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew that I have to eat. What would I do for a friend? I would cook him something he loved and distract him until he ate. I did this for myself. I didn't feel like it then, but I wouldn't let a friend live like a bat. I was walking in the neighborhood, standing alone on a bench and drinking my coffee in silence. The irony is that as I was alone, I met acquaintances outside, and they called me to them. I was leaving. I didn't expect anyone to pay any attention to me. I had obligations and in order to complete them, I had to motivate myself. I thought all sorts of nice things - calm down, you'll do it, now you'll just get on this bus and everything will be fine, it's not who knows what, you go there, pay for that thing and go home, there's nothing, I'm here, I know what is being done. I felt almost crazy, but that's what helped me the most. I started to encourage myself, to motivate myself, to wait. I would do these things for a friend, so I do them for myself. I showed understanding for each of my crazy needs and that helped me. There was someone to hold my hand, but then I decided to grab it myself. It was time for me to do for myself everything I did for my loved ones and that's how I was able to see what kind of person I am. My friends have told me many times that I am terribly committed, that I can talk to others and make them feel better. These people did their best to make me see the good in me, but that never happened until I gave the good of myself. Then, and to this day, it became completely impossible for me to hate myself again. I allowed myself to take care of myself, this allowed me to see all my positive qualities, so I emphasized them. I stopped being a racehorse, to criticize, to fight in meaningless battles, to rebuke and stress. Like for the first time, I had myself and then I realized exactly what I could give to the people around me. I stopped being afraid to talk, to help, to interfere. I began to catch anyone who had set out on the path from which I had already returned. I didn't need anyone then, because I was self-sufficient, but I felt love for people and I started to understand them, which made me want to have someone around me, not to hold my hand, but to walk together and be with us. -easy and fun. Before, selfish love seemed to guide me. I had good motives, but a bad approach and negative energy in me. After this personal catharsis, I began to love for the sake of love itself, showed understanding for each person and did not judge. I'm a little worse today than I was then, but much better than before the change. I feel in harmony with myself. I want the people around me to feel free, not tied to me. I want them to pursue their dreams and be happy, even if they do it without me. I do not want to bind, hold, restrict, judge, neglect or hurt. My friend went abroad because it was his dream. I couldn't go with him because I have appointments here. It hurt me first, I was angry and it was an ugly picture. A week later, I remembered that he was a separate person and had the right to follow his own path. I told myself that he did not abandon me because I have myself and I will not be alone. I told myself that if it was written to us, we would meet again in time. I let him go, forgave him for the pain, let him live without regrets and bad memories from me. I still miss him, but I'm calm, because he fulfills his dreams and is happy. If I love him, it should be important to me that he is well, not that I wake up alone, because one day will pass for me, and he can always bring this happiness. I would rather think of his success than my pain, because the former is constructive, and the latter will ruin me if I give myself to him for too long. This is the love I want to feel and give to everyone, including myself. I was selfish, I used to be rude, sometimes I concentrate too much on everyday life, other times I openly languish. We all do it, it's human. The important thing is what you carry inside you, because you will react to the world with the same and it will make you the person you are. I want to be a beacon, I want people to feel good in my company and to know that they are free to speak openly. And as long as I work in this direction and have some success in it, I will always be proud of myself and love myself. I know the reasons to love myself, I see the good I have and I fight the bad. If I met myself now, I would become a friend and love myself. Just because I'm who I am and I'm right in my skin doesn't mean I shouldn't value myself, accept myself, forgive myself, and take care of myself. So, sit down and think very carefully: What makes you the person you are? What do you want to be? What qualities do you want to have? How do you want to make people feel? What kind of love do you want to receive and why don't you give it to yourself and others? If you were a friend and not yourself, what would you advise? What would you say and do for a person, in your specific condition? What do you want to give? What do you want to take? How do you understand love and how does it understand you? Come on, act, answer yourself and here's the direction to work. It is always the first step to choose a path to follow. Your answers will be different from mine, but that is why they will inspire you and make you stand up. The reason I am writing to you is that I once told all this nonsense to myself and that helped me. Because I also had something like a diary, but in my diary there are several rules: 1- I open it only when I feel a real need. 2- I always read first, then I write and I write something useful. I write what I have learned, I write my motivation, I write all such constructive and positive things. I write only if what I read has helped me. 3- Muttering is forbidden. Either purpose and direction, or advice, or reassurance - anything is possible, but not self-pity. You have the full potential not only to love yourself, but also to be a person who deserves nothing more than love. You just have to understand it and start asking the right questions. And one more thing, I'll show you how I could rewrite this from your diary. Very cocky on my part, but you have to read it to make sense of it: Why don't I love myself? I need to love in order to live fully with myself, because love is a good stimulus. Another person is my incentive to live, I am here for him to find meaning in us, because I am meaning in itself and he is meaning in himself ... I feel good when: I communicate, listen, manifest understanding, learning and learning when there is reciprocity, because there is something to give and there is something to receive from each person. I really want to love ... The lack of love for me does not prevent me from freely loving another. Useless. Because it is my love for others that can teach me to love myself in the same way.
1 chlobirdben answered
Not anymore, but I used to ask myself the same questions as you and torment myself. I want to share many things with you, but first I will answer your questions that are important to you and I will respect them. Why don't they love each other? I didn't love myself because I was staring at my mistakes and demanding too much of myself. When I achieved something, I was happy for exactly 2 minutes, after which I found a new goal to bother with. I didn't have the option to take a break, to respect myself and my needs. I was constantly pushing myself, my thoughts were something like: You have to do this, you have no choice, you have to get up, see how others can, why your hair is still a mess, why you don't smile like her, why you don't win this contest, why don't you want to go to that presentation, come on, come on, more, you can. I was still tormented, man! I never think about my achievements and my good qualities, because only the bad ones mattered to me. Have they ever loved each other? Yes already. When did they stop loving themselves? Somewhere around 13-14 years old, maybe. Something like that. Certainly at the beginning of puberty, when a person begins to see the world differently. I started loving myself when I saw myself at the bottom. I felt very stressed for months until I finally collapsed. I felt alone then, not that I was alone. I closed myself in. I turned off my internet and phone for a few days. I have helped people in such conditions, so I knew I could help myself. It was my first drop of confidence, but it was enough for me. I decided that I would accept myself as a bystander. I imagined that I was both a parent and a child, a species. I read about this method somewhere. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew that I have to eat. What would I do for a friend? I would cook him something he loved and distract him until he ate. I did this for myself. I didn't feel like it then, but I wouldn't let a friend live like a bat. I was walking in the neighborhood, standing alone on a bench and drinking my coffee in silence. The irony is that as I was alone, I met acquaintances outside, and they called me to them. I was leaving. I didn't expect anyone to pay any attention to me. I had obligations and in order to complete them, I had to motivate myself. I thought all sorts of nice things - calm down, you'll do it, now you'll just get on this bus and everything will be fine, it's not who knows what, you go there, pay for that thing and go home, there's nothing, I'm here, I know what is being done. I felt almost crazy, but that's what helped me the most. I started to encourage myself, to motivate myself, to wait. I would do these things for a friend, so I do them for myself. I showed understanding for each of my crazy needs and that helped me. There was someone to hold my hand, but then I decided to grab it myself. It was time for me to do for myself everything I did for my loved ones and that's how I was able to see what kind of person I am. My friends have told me many times that I am terribly committed, that I can talk to others and make them feel better. These people did their best to make me see the good in me, but that never happened until I gave the good of myself. Then, and to this day, it became completely impossible for me to hate myself again. I allowed myself to take care of myself, this allowed me to see all my positive qualities, so I emphasized them. I stopped being a racehorse, to criticize, to fight in meaningless battles, to rebuke and stress. Like for the first time, I had myself and then I realized exactly what I could give to the people around me. I stopped being afraid to talk, to help, to interfere. I began to catch anyone who had set out on the path from which I had already returned. I didn't need anyone then, because I was self-sufficient, but I felt love for people and I started to understand them, which made me want to have someone around me, not to hold my hand, but to walk together and be with us. -easy and fun. Before, selfish love seemed to guide me. I had good motives, but a bad approach and negative energy in me. After this personal catharsis, I began to love for the sake of love itself, showed understanding for each person and did not judge. I'm a little worse today than I was then, but much better than before the change. I feel in harmony with myself. I want the people around me to feel free, not tied to me. I want them to pursue their dreams and be happy, even if they do it without me. I do not want to bind, hold, restrict, judge, neglect or hurt. My friend went abroad because it was his dream. I couldn't go with him because I have appointments here. It hurt me first, I was angry and it was an ugly picture. A week later, I remembered that he was a separate person and had the right to follow his own path. I told myself that he did not abandon me because I have myself and I will not be alone. I told myself that if it was written to us, we would meet again in time. I let him go, forgave him for the pain, let him live without regrets and bad memories from me. I still miss him, but I'm calm, because he fulfills his dreams and is happy. If I love him, it should be important to me that he is well, not that I wake up alone, because one day will pass for me, and he can always bring this happiness. I would rather think of his success than my pain, because the former is constructive, and the latter will ruin me if I give myself to him for too long. This is the love I want to feel and give to everyone, including myself. I was selfish, I used to be rude, sometimes I concentrate too much on everyday life, other times I openly languish. We all do it, it's human. The important thing is what you carry inside you, because you will react to the world with the same and it will make you the person you are. I want to be a beacon, I want people to feel good in my company and to know that they are free to speak openly. And as long as I work in this direction and have some success in it, I will always be proud of myself and love myself. I know the reasons to love myself, I see the good I have and I fight the bad. If I met myself now, I would become a friend and love myself. Just because I'm who I am and I'm right in my skin doesn't mean I shouldn't value myself, accept myself, forgive myself, and take care of myself. So, sit down and think very carefully: What makes you the person you are? What do you want to be? What qualities do you want to have? How do you want to make people feel? What kind of love do you want to receive and why don't you give it to yourself and others? If you were a friend and not yourself, what would you advise? What would you say and do for a person, in your specific condition? What do you want to give? What do you want to take? How do you understand love and how does it understand you? Come on, act, answer yourself and here's the direction to work. It is always the first step to choose a path to follow. Your answers will be different from mine, but that is why they will inspire you and make you stand up. The reason I am writing to you is that I once told all this nonsense to myself and that helped me. Because I also had something like a diary, but in my diary there are several rules: 1- I open it only when I feel a real need. 2- I always read first, then I write and I write something useful. I write what I have learned, I write my motivation, I write all such constructive and positive things. I write only if what I read has helped me. 3- Muttering is forbidden. Either purpose and direction, or advice, or reassurance - anything is possible, but not self-pity. You have the full potential not only to love yourself, but also to be a person who deserves nothing more than love. You just have to understand it and start asking the right questions. And one more thing, I'll show you how I could rewrite this from your diary. Very cocky on my part, but you have to read it to make sense of it: Why don't I love myself? I need to love in order to live fully with myself, because love is a good stimulus. Another person is my incentive to live, I am here for him to find meaning in us, because I am meaning in itself and he is meaning in himself ... I feel good when: I communicate, listen, manifest understanding, learning and learning when there is reciprocity, because there is something to give and there is something to receive from each person. I really want to love ... The lack of love for me does not prevent me from freely loving another. Useless. Because it is my love for others that can teach me to love myself in the same way.