Lost Years, Are They Coming Back?

The Story

Hello to all readers here! :) Many times I thought whether to tell my story. I thought about it and realized that I needed advice too. There is no one to share. Or rather, I do not trust .. My story is long and desperate, so thank you in advance to the patient, who will be few ... We met when I was 14 and he was 15. He was just hanging out. he was nagging. when he saw me .. Then he moved with my cousin in the company, until one day we were inseparable. In general, children's work. We were 2 years old when we started dating, at a disco mostly. I was wrong to admit my feelings to him, and he just paid attention to me. It all started as a joke, I told him that I loved him in the eyes, and I still did not know what it was .. We were small, he did not know what he wanted, and I wanted only one thing: I wanted him next to me. Mistake 2: I told him that I will wait for him to want to have a relationship and understand what he wants. I said as much as there is in my life, I will wait for it. He wanted to see me all the time. However, he met other girls after that ... One, two, three ... He was always looking for me. Whatever I do, whatever he does. He met ours and I met his parents, as if we were just friends. In my grief, I befriended his sister because she wanted to tell her what was happening to me, that I was suffering. Every holiday we were with him, he came to us, and the rest of the time I went to them or went out. His parents and especially his mother and sister liked me for his girlfriend (although I didn't have much contact with his mother). Conclusion: He was with me and he wasn't ... When I wanted to give him up, he was always looking for me and reminding me of himself, of us ... We supported each other for better or for worse. He hurt me a lot with his actions - Yes, but he was just a kid who didn't know what he wanted. However, we had so many beautiful moments and I remember laughing together to tears (I never laughed like that with anyone). She appeared ... The little one ... His friend's ex ... Beside his friend, she started moving with us, with the company ... He was falling in love without feeling ... I've known him since I knew him. changes, just not even with me, to understand what he wants and to be happy .. And he ... wanted to change her ... Her attitude and behavior, to become like mine, that she behaved like a savage .. (We go to a restaurant, she collects her bones from the dog plate); He once said it in front of me: '' I will change this girl, to behave like her (me). "She was very fond of his mother and had befriended her. I thought a lot but after another 2 years, I had already loved it, for the first time I loved it! However, I did not want to be selfish, I decided to let him be happy with her. It's bad when they don't trust you, but you know, it's worse when they trust you too much. He remembered my words that with whatever he was, I would wait for him. We talked and I told him that I wanted to go to another city and be happy with her. He didn't want to believe it. He always denied that he was with her, but they were together ... They had a secret relationship. I wanted to give him up now, I started dating one of his closest friends to forget him and something else, to hurt him and I, maybe ... He got angry when he found out because I went with his fr. where they gathered and I saw them together with the one ... He hugged her. I laughed in his eyes and told him to start the car back. He started shouting, started calling me the next day all the time. He knows that his sister and I are friends, and he told her that I was dating his friend, and he was rubbish and was going to ruin me. I really decided to leave. I said goodbye to him, and he didn't believe or didn't want to believe. He asked me if I had another one and I said, "Yes, and I'm happy." I had met a boy in Sofia while I was working. My mother had worked there for years and I had just graduated and she wanted to take me with her. Then he started with psycho attacks of jealousy: '' You know, now, if you hadn't told me you were happy with someone else, we would be together and be happy ... '' '' I just don't want to be together , I don't even want your friendship. "I promised him I would try not to see each other again unless it was an accident. He wanted to see me the next day, and I was already traveling, when he called me. So I started a new life, in a new city, with a new person. My mother was next to me, and I had relatives next to me. I continued to meet the boy I had met. While I was graduating, we only saw each other, the holidays, but when I moved to Sofia, the meetings became more frequent. I wanted to forget the grief, I just wanted to be happy, but I still loved him. This boy was very attached to me, our relationship deepened a lot. He loved me, he truly loved me for the first time. My mother knew what I had experienced with mine and asked me: '' Why don't you try to be happy and always suffer the impossible? "Then something enlightened me and I moved on. He continued with her, in our small town. Waiting for the change of my first love, I forgot myself, ruined myself and did my best to change it so that it would be human. I set out to prove myself, without knowing who I really am .. And so I grew up, but with my mistakes, naive and hurt, I created a serious relationship and even reached a family. First I was with my mother, then the apartment together, separately, then I got pregnant and so on ... My dream came true, I had a daughter, I was very happy for my child. But now I think ... Have I ever loved my father ... Or have I just left myself in his arms to erase all the pain. All these years, my boyfriend was looking for me, calling, writing, wanting to see me, and always asking, "When." He knew I had already become a mother because I had told him when I was pregnant. He continued his relationship with that girl. In fact, now I think: He believed that he had lost me ... I kept postponing our meeting ... I told him for so many years: '' I promised you something, not to see you again, unless accidental. "or" Only 3 years have passed, let's at least become 5 and we will talk about our meeting "" In fact, I was afraid of this meeting, even late, I did not know if I forgot it or suggested. Every time he persuaded me, at least for his birthday, to come and see him. He always wanted that. I postponed .. He and she separated, they were together for a long time, but .. It just didn't work anymore ... and .... We contacted over the years, and now we are in contact ... But now, at the age of 6, we saw each other , things just turned in our favor. He realized his mistakes, to forgive him if I could. He realized that the life he led had no meaning. *** Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they are very young! Me..? I am not God to ask my forgiveness. *** He changed, I didn't want to go for his birthday like he always wanted. But my friend came from Ireland and we only saw each other for 1 day and asked us to go to our hometown together, to see her for more time. That's what we decided to return to both, 2 days before his birthday. I didn't tell him that I had come, even though we were just writing and he felt me ​​again .. He felt ... Without telling him and in a few minutes he was in front of my terrace and calling my name ... I went out, met my daughter we. We hadn't seen each other for 6 years, and as he reached out to my little girl, he saw her for the first time. We hadn't forgotten for so long. I postponed this meeting. I only loved him. I made my dreams come true, even without him. *** Are lost years made up? *** We saw each other every day, we didn't miss a day for half a month. He really wanted us to stay together, to go back there. We talked about it every day. He told me that I had lost confidence in him once, but in the previous man who was. This man who is now would not betray me ... Until I left again. I didn't want tears, I didn't want pain, but I told him, now even if he hurts me, I will continue without him. He knows the girl in me, but not the woman. And yet we were not together, I did not betray my daughter and her father. I restrained myself, although I still love this man. He hasn't been in the family lately, there are no conversations and many things, such as the father's attention to me and the child. He is a workaholic, he wants the best for the child, but does a child end up caring only with money? I prayed to him for a long time and made an effort to keep my family so that my child would be happy, I prayed for attention for 3 years. I felt like an object at home. I only know one thing, no matter what happens, no matter what I experience, I will not give up my child. This is my dream come true. I will fight for her. Accept my apologies for my novel, I will be grateful for any opinion. April, 25

Last Updated
August 12, 2020