Loss Of A Close, Miscarriage And How I Learned To Be Strong

Hello, first of all I want to thank everyone who shared their experience and opinion with me, reading my personal stories on this site. Not long ago I shared in the lines about the loss of my grandmother, my closest person. For a while, longing for her and thinking about how I would move forward, a little widow gave me hope and encouraged me to move forward in life. 2 weeks after my grandmother died I found out I was pregnant. Until recently, I did not believe that there was anything in this life, power or any god to push or help us. I was already planning how things would develop in the future, how my grandmother would help me, how she didn't leave me and this is a sign that she will always be by my side. Being a mother was and still is my biggest dream. Unfortunately, there is no complete happiness. A week after I found out about the pregnancy, which was developing in the 6th year. I had a miscarriage. I've always hated that word. "Abortion" sounds so rude to me. And all this within a month. Terrible month for me. I began to blame myself, to feel even more sorry for myself. I felt disgusted, the sadness overwhelmed me even more. The initial shock in the doctor's office cannot be compared to anything else. I lost again. I couldn't even enjoy what I was getting and it went away suddenly. First pregnancy, first loss. I began to think that this would happen again, that from now on everything would go to hell, that I was not born to be happy, and nothing could make me think otherwise. Now, writing from her phone, she has already returned to work, among people I want to share with you, to motivate you not to give up. Whatever happens. I know that in the beginning it is hard to believe that you will be able to smile again, to believe that it makes sense that life goes on. But it is a fact. I also know that I can't go back in time as much as I want, but it makes me appreciate more what I have and my loved ones, it's still hard, sad, but I still live. Sometimes it is difficult, but not impossible. You want to hide away from everything and everyone, to disappear, but things don't get better that way. It's hard to live with the loss of something or, in most cases, someone, but you still have to try. I myself have never thought or wanted to experience what I experienced in just 1 month, but it stimulates me to put my life and priorities in order, to become more responsible. After what happened to me, I had a great desire to quit my job, to hide under the covers and continue with self-pity, but I realized that this would not save me, nor would it make me feel better. I realized that if I wanted to somehow regain what I had lost, I must first and foremost be worthy of it. Although I was only 21, I felt ready to be a responsible adult, apparently I just felt that way. Now I think I wasn't prepared for that at all. I have very vivid examples of what I do NOT want to be in life, of what kind of parent I do NOT want to be and I do not regret in part the circumstances. On the other hand, I imagine how things would develop in the future, but even these thoughts evaporate when I return to reality. Because the question is not just to create a child. I have changed more in this one month than in the last few years. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that one is never fully prepared for one's own life, and as much as we want to, there are things that are not up to us. I can only hope that the sun will rise on my street soon, that I will become more responsible and accept things as they are. I wish I had somehow given you food for thought and wished you to enjoy life no matter what. I know it's hard, but it's necessary. :) no matter what. I know it's hard, but it's necessary. :) no matter what. I know it's hard, but it's necessary. :)