Lonely Summer

The girl who was my ideal, who so unexpectedly appeared in my life and took over completely, who turned my existence into one goal - to take care of her, the girl who was my soulmate, the girl who disappeared as quickly as she appeared . It's been a few two months, and she still has a strong presence in me, I must have imagined countless times in my head various romantic stories in which we meet and love each other again, how many times I heard my phone ring, how many Many times I passed by her block, staring at the building where she lives. Unfortunately, no matter how much I instilled in myself that there was hope and that nothing was over, I had to accept the fact that I had lost it forever. I didn't want to talk to anyone else, I didn't want to move on like that, but as hard as it was, I looked through my teary eyes at the skies and told myself that the dark days would pass. How many times have I tried to kill the memory of her, to somehow abstract it from my psyche, because I could already see that this was how I merged reality and fantasy. Summer has finally arrived, but for me it was not a cause for joy, again unwanted social contacts, I would remind myself of my biggest failure - her, but later I would realize that friends are the best way to deal with the ghosts in my head. July passed in front of the computer in complete loneliness, I was alone all day and I regretted my misfortune, I began to be terrified of the loneliness that closed me more and more. The memory, for my girl, was a strong chain that chained me, I no longer enjoyed life, nothing made sense anymore, the heat was my hell. I had never been so lonely and at the same time experiencing my glorious past in my head, the memories controlled my life now, the future did not exist, and the bearer was a painful experience. The trauma I seemed to inflict on myself was now my executioner, slowly destroying me. The first day of August was rainy, I metaphorized the end of the heat with the end of my torment, but it was just beginning. August was the month of my slow metamorphosis, which involved losing my mind. I started talking out loud while playing on the computer, and yet it seems silly to dear readers, this is the first step to madness. The days were a torture for me, I walked like thorns, I stopped eating regularly, my sleep was disturbed, I quarreled with my father, who was at work all day and left me alone in solitude. Every look seemed like a blade to me, which pierces me. August was coming to an end when the most unexpected thing happened to me. I started sleeping all day, and the dreams ... ah, the dreams were the reality itself. In them I experienced the lost but not forgotten time. I decided that at least in my subconscious I had to deal with my trauma, which was beginning to control me and slowly but surely assimilate me. I dreamed how I was with her again, how we hugged, how her lips touched mine, how my hands slid over her, how I kissed her neck, how our breathing synchronized. Although I was really happy here, I knew that my utopian dream had to end. I just woke up to eat and take a bath. After days in the past, I noticed how I started to fall off, lose weight, wither. That was the price of living in fantasies. I decided it was time to stop this fiasco of mine. In one of my dreams, in which I was with her again, I put my hand on her lips when she tried to kiss me, and I said that everything is over today, that she is dead to me, that I can't live here with her, that life she calls me, that this dream humiliates me, and she, dear, looked at me sadly, and as if the image had evaporated like water from a hot vessel, as if I had blown a dandelion, so the image of her disappeared from me forever. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes watering, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then in my greatest so I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ... I put my hand on her lips when she tried to kiss me, I said that everything ends today, that she is dead to me, that I can not live here with her, that life calls me, that this dream humiliates me, and she looked at me sweetly sad, and as if the image had evaporated like water from a hot vessel, as if I had blown a dandelion, so the image of her disappeared from me forever. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes were watery, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then, in my greatest life, I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ... I put my hand on her lips when she tried to kiss me, I said that everything ends today, that she is dead to me, that I can not live here with her, that life calls me, that this dream humiliates me, and she looked at me sweetly sadly, and as if the image had evaporated like water from a hot vessel, as if I had blown a dandelion, so the image of her disappeared from me forever. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes were watery, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then, in my greatest life, I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ... that I could not live here with her, that life called me, that this dream humiliated me, and she looked at me sadly, and as if the image had evaporated like water from a hot vessel, as if I had blown a dandelion, so the image of her disappeared forever from me. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes were watery, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then in my greatest so I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ... that I could not live here with her, that life called me, that this dream humiliated me, and she looked at me sadly, and as if the image evaporated like water from a hot vessel, as if I had blown a dandelion, so the image of her disappeared forever from me. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes were watery, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then, in my greatest life, I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ... so the image of her disappeared from me forever. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes were watery, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then, in my greatest life, I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ... so the image of her disappeared from me forever. I woke up all sweaty, my eyes were watery, a strange pain in my chest was pounding, my legs and arms were shaking, I was all bristling. And then in my greatest so I felt so free, hurt, but without shackles. September 15 came, a date that I welcomed with great joy, my adventure ended, I survived, but she was left behind, somewhere in the forgotten. It's sunset, and I wanted to see the sunrise ...