Monday ... When did she come! ... I have no memory of Sunday .... I think I slept through it? ... I'm late for work again, and I have to get better. I stop at a tucked-away place. Heroin on a pump in the car, I don't care if anyone sees. Not that I forgot how I was caught, but ... With trembling hands I pour the packages into the lid. Blood on the seat, the car is smoky like a foxhound, and my mother will drive it in the afternoon. I lean back in my seat and close my eyes. It's very dangerous to take a nap like that, and I'm already terribly late, but I don't move at all. I have to tighten up, there will still be a scolding from the boss, and the memory of the uniformed men banging on the windshield still haunts me. That's exactly how I was caught last time. I rocked in the car and smashed myself brutally, and then the cops. I have no clear memory of the event, everything is in a fog. Inspection documents, amount of material, police station, some written explanations, then in the cells. I can't go back there. I hide any traces of "illegal activity", the only thing I miss - my mother to see syringes in the car. I drive, but I can't tell a road sign from a traffic light, and I almost fall asleep at the wheel. I don't think what happens if I get stuck somewhere. Passing a patrol makes me aware, I have so much heroin in my pocket that for a moment I feel sick, numb, as if the cold of the cells pierces me again. Was it so cold there or was it from abstinence? The police are far away, but not the fear. I calm down only when I park in front of work. The work ... My salary can't cover the material for a week. I don't know what I would do if I didn't sell. I can no longer export from us, sell and bet, I can no longer drain our bank accounts, they already know very well what it is all about. And how come after the next arrest and search in our country? Two buses with policemen turned the whole house over, a police operation for a few grams. My colleagues take that look and suddenly fall silent as I pass them. Not that I care what they say about me, but aren't they tired of commenting on me? The boss greets me with a dose of horse, I prefer other doses, but it does not warm him at all. He quotes an employment contract and working hours, and I mumble something in my defense, the result - he starts to get annoyed that I'm a drug addict. Why are you talking to me like that? I know very well what I am, but I don't like to be reminded. I sit at my desk and light a cigarette. Main official duty - not to feel in what condition I come to work once again. A position that is not a dream, not that I know what it is. But at least I knew what a dream is. Do I still know? I started selling to shake, and then the mirage of heroin unfolded in front of me. And I wanted to conquer the whole city. I thought I was the biggest, but I was already shaking eight fives several times a day, I couldn't hide my condition, everyone knew what I was doing. Everything slipped away from me and I was finally caught again. Months of arrest, quarrels with ours, exhortations that I will stop, "it will not be like last time", cases, lawyers. A nightmare from which I have a feeling that I will never wake up and finally some imaginary sentence. Our people got rid of me again, but it's just like last time. And what am I standing for on this damn job? Aren't I selling? To throw dust in the eyes of ours like last time. The problem is not in the work or in the salary, nor even in ours. I am not able to go to work and this is noticed by everyone, I can no longer hide it. Soon I will be fired again like last time. Then what will I explain at home? And our people are not blind, they see what it's about, what kind of way I go home all the time. But they have raised their hands, they know there is nothing they can do. They will pretend not to notice until once again he finds himself in the kilns. Just like last time, a vicious circle. But that doesn't matter now, working hours have dropped imperceptibly. I leave the car to my mother, there is no compromising and I go to get drunk at some "friend". When they don't hang around me, they are such friends that I have no words. Does not matter. What do I care? I'm the biggest now. The spoiled son of wealthy parents, who smoked weed behind the school, became an unscrupulous drug addict whose sole purpose was to make more money than theirs for another shake-up. Arrest, quarrels in the courts, lost time in the commune. The dealer, who was selling to shake and glance over his shoulder at police officers, became a brazen bully who wanted to take over the city. Arrest again, I lay on the floor in the cells again and prayed to our people to get me out. Good thing I got rid of the commune this time. And now it's the same, I'm unlikely to ever be more than a science fiction writer who wants to conquer the world and dream of millions, but in fact is an ordinary bully who sells for a single dose and lives in a drug trance.
Answers 22
If you haven't been to a commune yet go. It will have an effect! Success!
The only thing I hope is that this story is not true .. IT HURTS!
He seems to have been in a commune. "Lost time in the commune" "Good thing I got rid of the commune this time."
Wow ... And I hope it's not true, but if it is, it's a pity for this boy ... His writing style tells him that he's quite "forward" with this material ... Great expression of misses and a wonderful selection of words ... (I mean, he's not the type of person who can't say 2 meaningful words). Try to get on your feet and know that EVEN IF YOU ARE REALLY A DRUG ADDICT, THIS CAN BE CORRECTED! My cousin was in a similar situation, but now everything is fine and everyone praises him! Find an activity that brings you real satisfaction and to do your favorite activity with pleasure, and not to deal with this garbage!
The story is hardly made up. I have to experience it to write in such detail. But nothing in history shows that he wants to stop. I think this is his favorite activity. Although he realizes what condition he is in.
This is brutal ... I think you need to deal with yourself a little ... maybe you really don't know how to spend your money but you definitely need to stop for a while.
And what now? What is the purpose of this sharing? Does he seek help, does he want to brag that he is a dealer, to complain that he has been arrested?
It doesn't matter if the story is fictional or real. The fact is, however, that many addicts live this way. I'm sure that even if a thousand addicts read it, no one would think about it, let alone stop. But I hope those who still do not know what it is about never understand, because this story was from the "nice", and how many "nice" there really are ...
People, this is not something to joke about :( The only salvation for such people is - a person next to them, a person who can believe them ... your friend can handle this, overcome the pain ... I know you will succeed :)
After the initial kick, the material is a nasty thrill, you fall asleep where you relax, it makes you sick. I wrote it to distract myself a little so I wouldn't feel bad. I don't want help, not that anyone can help me. I'm just crooked and lonely. Before they caught me, I wanted to stop for a while, to get away somewhere, to rest from all the nonsense. The suspension turned out to be quite long, and forced, and it wasn't a break at all, because I was just thinking about not being convicted and going out and getting drunk. That's exactly what I did after the trial. Before I knew it, I was hooked again, not that I was crazy, I just didn't have any crises. And for that I need money, the only thing left for me was to start selling again. But in a few months I had lost my position, the big fish do not want to risk a dealer with a suspended sentence. They finally agreed because they know that if they catch me, I will not be saved by revealing them, but I will wait for our people to get rid of me. But if I am caught for the third time, hardly anyone will be able to get me out of prison. My "friends" pushed me away, they keep shaking past me, but I can't count on them. Before the arrest, at least I knew what I wanted, I thought I had friends.
Boy, there is a saying - what you do yourself, no one else can do to you !!! You have to stop yourself, I know it's not easy at all, but you have to stop, and you're human, and you have feelings, some have to help you ...
And he is a man and has feelings, and like no one cares? If there is no one to help him? How can you stop me? It's not as easy as most commenters think.
Why don't you try to look around instead of getting drunk once and find someone next to you to go out in love, to pass the loneliness, to feel that you have something to live for, I know it's hard for you, but I know that you have and strength even if a little, I also know that a small part of you wants to stop the leftovers from coming out and really stop, I know that you are no longer so rosy when you get drunk, I also know that you are a person with a future, a future you can build in a year, good luck.
Oh, that stupid love again.
And what about falling in love? Maybe he'll stop for some love. Drugs will be more important than love. You can't fix a drug addict's life with a few tips. It just doesn't work. And yes - NO FORMER DRUG ADDICT! And even if you stop for a while, then you are tempted and take it again. Not that you are addicted, but for fun!
Do you say it from experience or the next one who has read more books, why do you think that he knows everything to become a drug addict, he has not seen another choice and when I read I do not see that he himself wants to stop like that don't pretend to be very knowledgeable, only he knows how hard it is for him;)
Why did he decide he hadn't seen another choice? Why did she decide it was hard for him? And yes - he does not want to stop.
If a person shakes, then there is a deficit in his life that he replaces with the feelings caused by drugs. usually the deficit is serious occurs in childhood with a lack of communication with parents lack of self-confidence or an example of maintenance (usually on the paternal side). If a drug addict finds out what his deficit is (which happens with a lot of work) he has a real chance to stop shaking. Addicts also need real incentives, such as people who love them, the opportunity for self-assertion and proof, and faith in their own abilities. in my opinion, this boy must first understand what his deficit is in order to be able to replace it with real feelings, achievements and relationships with people. but he cannot do it alone. It is not true that there are no former drug addicts. I personally know an awful lot of them and they were all at the bottom and no one believed that they would recover but they are already healthy, have a family and a normal life and are much stronger than us who are not dependent. It is true that addiction lasts a lifetime, the question is how you will manage it so that it does not drag you down again. Treat yourself, boy, and seriously, because you have a chance to recover, you just have to believe it, otherwise you will burst like an animal and you will miss everything real in this life, and it is very wonderful.
Come on, great psychologists and analysts. He doesn't mention anywhere that he wants to stop, he probably won't.
Yes ... unfortunately sooner or later we have to take responsibility for ourselves, for everyone this moment comes, with or without drugs ... now you are not motivated, but when mom and dad will not be behind you? I don't know what to tell you, obviously you are not looking for a way out and change, you are not complaining ... And what are you looking for, what do YOU want for yourself? You have to decide, if not, the quota will happen ...
God, God, if you know what you did to me, I have no tears left, and your story totally took me to the world of my brother, who is no longer among us, but was only 25. Dear boy, you are a traveler, unfortunately even and I don't think you want to stop. Now I understand how you don't care about your loved ones and the people who love you, and if you know grief is indelible, why don't you stop and think at least for a while how much your people will suffer when one day their police call and tell them that they found you with a syringe in the femoral vein. God, how much pain, sadness, anger and tears caused this story of yours. Prove that you are not garbage, make your parents proud of you, stop with this garbage .
He is not a fiction, he expresses himself quite well and knows the jokes ... unless he gets together with such people who talk with drug terms and coded chats, but no, he is addicted and it is a pity, but he has decided to get to the brown