Late Love

I am married to a man with whom I have been married for 7 years. For many years he did not find time for me, he cheated on me before we got married, I worked alone at home, we have no friends and I started to go online to fill my need for communication. . Gradually, my husband and I moved away and lost dialogue, except for bills and everyday things. On a website, I met a man eight years older than me, from another city, married with a child. We became close. All my life I have been waiting for such understanding and closeness. We fell in love because we touched our souls, we began to build a world of illusions in which we liked more than reality. This communication lasted for several months, when at one point I couldn't stand it (I'm an honest person, I can't lie or hide) and I confessed to my husband that I was in love with another man. I'm sad all the time, I'm crying, I can't work, I wanted to commit suicide ... I started going to psychotherapists, I refused to take pills. I wanted to handle myself. When I was on a business trip I saw the man from the Internet live. Then a few more times. Every time we just hug. I didn't allow myself anything more. Now, after almost a year, I am still in love with him, he became my closest friend, we write to each other every day. I never wanted to break up his marriage. But it turned out that if I continued to communicate with him on a daily basis, I would break up my marriage. I don't know what to do and what to do. I want him madly, he repeats the same thing to me every day and I tell him it's not right. My husband and I have less and less desire to make love, although I feel tenderness and strong attachment to him and I want to have a child, but he does not know how long he will have nerves to wait for me to overcome my passion. In the end, I'll be left alone, and I don't want to. Again, I can't sleep because of nerves, sometimes I drink sedatives. Today I asked my beloved to be silent for a while. He begs me not to stop talking ... He jokingly asked me if I wanted to marry him, but then he apologized and told me that he didn't know what he was talking about ... It hurt terribly because the naive girl in I subconsciously always wanted that. I am convinced that he will not part with his wife to be with me. I try to go back to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't accept me as I am, even though he loves me. I am asking someone who is in my position to give advice on how to cope and find happiness again. Thanks in advance! He begs me not to stop talking ... He jokingly asked me if I wanted to marry him, but then he apologized and told me that he didn't know what he was talking about ... It hurt terribly because the naive girl in I subconsciously always wanted that. I am convinced that he will not part with his wife to be with me. I try to go back to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't accept me as I am, even though he loves me. I am asking someone who is in my position to give advice on how to cope and find happiness again. Thanks in advance! He begs me not to stop talking ... He jokingly asked me if I wanted to marry him, but then he apologized and told me that he didn't know what he was talking about ... It hurt terribly because the naive girl in I subconsciously always wanted that. I am convinced that he will not part with his wife to be with me. I try to go back to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't accept me as I am, even though he loves me. I am asking someone who is in my position to give advice on how to cope and find happiness again. Thanks in advance! I try to go back to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't accept me as I am, even though he loves me. I am asking someone who is in my position to give advice on how to cope and find happiness again. Thanks in advance! I try to go back to my husband, but he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't accept me as I am, even though he loves me. I am asking someone who is in my position to give advice on how to cope and find happiness again. Thanks in advance!