Are there couples who live together alone, run a family, and at the same time they are no longer non-partners And how do you cope, understand and what does this affect children?
Yes, we once.
My parents were like that - they were like friends, they didn't even sleep in the same bed, they had lovers that I knew about, even though they were hiding. They were together because my father is in a high position in the management of our city and he did not want to ruin his "reputation" and they did not want me to be sad - as soon as I finished and they separated. I don't think they were happy ...
Your question should have been - is there another type of "couples" ... And it would have been silence ...
I don't know if you suspect how many people are in this situation. So were my parents. I found out early, but pretended I didn't know. The reasons for this are that many people get married and have children in a small window at the beginning of their relationship, where their hormones are still raging and they do not think soberly whether they want to live a lifetime with this person and then somehow blunt their desire to break up their family union so as not to "expose" themselves to friends and / or hurt children. After a while, they just get used to having a family, but they no longer have feelings for each other, just living together and some obligations.
No, they don't miss love, they just want women to give birth, to get rid of it, because biologically they need to give birth, and then they no longer have to pretend to be loving wives. They do not marry the men they love, but simply someone who gives them security and is a donor for their children. It is
Yes, and not a little, mostly from the older generation. There is still a bit of morality left in them, which still makes them wise. It is difficult for them to throw away everything they have built for decades and suddenly start all over again. When the children were small, they gritted their teeth because of them, but when the children are older, hypocrisy begins, in front of neighbors, relatives and friends, ie, a dead life begins, they become roommates. Then they succumb more easily to life's temptations and take advantage at the first opportunity and often become a laughing stock. The forums are full of such cases, doesn't the author read them, he asks !?
I would say "and not just because of the children." It's easy to break up. Then what? Do you think that everything will be all right then? Even if you have someone "on hand", he is hardly perfect. God knows how many weaknesses there are that you didn't notice at first reading. I find mutual "liberation" much more appropriate. Discreetly, of course. Sex, love and family are very rarely in one for life. It doesn't sound good to me to lose the other two because of one of them. And it's not that complicated - just understanding. Attitude. Two people can be needed and useful for life without sex. And sex is needed. Although often only one (or at least more). There is a reasonable compromise here. Unfortunately, however, we are too far from perceiving such tolerance.
When we were at university, there was a couple of lovers in our dormitory, I thought they were the only ones. But now many people have sex outside of marriage. Marriage and fidelity are difficult to maintain and few people do.
This is horrible! I can't accept that I will live unhappily for years because of the children or worse, for the opinion of the people! And children are not stupid and understand quickly and are unhappy, so why? To look like a family and fight at home? Because there are such brutal cases. On the street, smiling, happy, and they have a fight that they think is right, because the children live with both parents!
There are, but I'm not one of them. This is torture.
Well, my ex-husband shook it off for me after many years together and after he found out about his mistress. That he lived with me only because of the children. He got bored at one point and went for babes. The fact that he was washed, ironed, fed, his wife stable, great sex, looking after his family, it didn't cost him five bucks - he wanted emotions and variety. Yes, but his last mistress told him the game - milked him thousands of levs, then walks, restaurants and finally I understood. Accordingly, during the divorce, I milked him properly, so he roared with crocodile tears, alive to pity him. The lady dumped him. But otherwise, after we broke up, he quickly got together with a new woman and now it's great, they obviously found each other and are well together. In fact, the concept of "together for the sake of the children" may be good, but it may not be. It depends on how willing you are to sacrifice your own happiness at the expense of the children. Because the consequences are mostly on them.
Well, I also want to do it with someone else, but only mentally and I allow it. I wouldn't ruin my marriage.
11 as I read you, I definitely understand why your husband went abroad ...
The author, I understand that you have neither children nor a husband. When you start a family, then ask. I wish you to divorce as soon as the children grow up. There must be diversity in this life. I'm old-fashioned. I wouldn't ruin my family for nothing.
I'm number 11. Come on, tell me why he did it, explain :)
It's not just because of the children, but we don't have a love affair. Our marriage has been on the bill from the beginning. We were attracted, but we didn't get along very well, neither sexually nor in common interests. It's just that, as number 5 said, time was running out and we got together. We have respect, mutual help, definitely life and raising children are easier together. One day, when they are independent, we may separate. Although much more. We live in separate rooms, each with his own life. Maybe in the old days we would need each other even more for the famous glass of water and we will be together again. If you don't find or keep your luck for years, you take what you have and try to do your best. I do not regret. I would wait and not wait, to be alone with a bunch of cats now. It is hard for me not to have a soul mate, but my alternative was to have no living soul around me.
17, and it's interesting for me to explain, because I didn't understand. I'm a man. I know they will attack me for not distinguishing between garbage women, so I hasten to note in advance that I have been happily married for years.
People can live together for the sake of the children, but the point is for both sides to be aware, not like 11 - the man finally says it was because of the children. Table cards are always a good option.
this is a fake family, and the children understand everything, their psyche is distorted, they are unhappy and finally they degrade and ruin their lives because of their fake childhood with irresponsible parents ... very sad and unfortunate
The bad thing is that children feel, see and accept this normally and repeat the mistake of their parents tomorrow, because it is normal. The bad thing is that even if they separate, there is no respect, the relatives spit on the other partner and ruin the children even more and do not realize it. Therefore, respect, love, freedom and true SHARED care for children.
My parents are divorced and I'll tell you the nasty thing is that they are taking revenge on their children. My mother very rarely let me go to my father and kept cursing him and explaining to him about the lovers. And my father didn't leave her behind. And he talked about how there was a house in the house. Ever since they got decent boyfriends, they've finally stopped this nonsense. I'll tell you something. Divorce civilly and do not interfere with your children in any revenge. And I don't understand this "together for the sake of the children" at all. You hurt yourself and them more.
"Together for the sake of children" is one of the most toxic ways of thinking at all. Because children are actually much more sensitive to such things than adults, even if they don't understand exactly. As many commentators have mentioned, such families distort the child's notion of normalcy and doom him to naughty relationships because his parents were very "concerned" about him. Let's not lie, people stay with their partner because they are comfortable. Someone to iron, wash or support them accordingly. If they get together seriously with the lover, it will ruin their "thrill", because such people have not learned how to combine everyday life with love. And yet, when the lover has personal commitments, to have a place to go home and not be alone. It's all bare selfishness. But as №23 says - divorce in itself is not the whole solution. A civilized attitude and genuine concern for children is the key, not the pretended excuses for one's own interests. But it's hard to think when you're making impulsive decisions and looking for a fleeting thrill. Some people do not learn how to be happy all their lives and are always looking for something else to fill their lives.
Lying drains the soul. This is an unstable foundation, like building a house on a swamp.
There are many such couples. In most cases, it is not visible from the side. These are personal things. But if you are closer to one of the parties, they share. There are several such couples next to me. The first are about 37-38 years old, divorced and living together. They divorced after the woman found out about her husband's parallel relationship. Out of material interest, she lived under the same cover with him, like roommates. The decision is "because of the children" The other couple is a 35-year-old man and woman with two children. The small is common, the big is from the first marriage of the woman Roommates, without love, without understanding, without sex. The reason - again because of the children. Third family: Quite a famous doctor. 45 years old. They have been living together for years, without any relationship with each other, they do not communicate, they do not go out together, they are rarely seen in them because of their shifts, there is nothing to talk about sex. The reason - the authority of the man as a famous doctor, his wife, who loves money and her status as a married and of course children. What the conclusion is. Generation does not matter. It's so comfortable for them, that's how they fight. For me this is abnormal, for others it is. Everyone judges for themselves. It is bad only for the children, because they feel everything.