Hi! I'm 21 years old. The last 2, 3 years I've been through a lot, my life has turned to 360 degrees, as they say. I can tell that as hard as it was, I did it. I'm happy with the person I am. I'm proud of myself. I just want advice - how to "clear" my mind from childhood years. I'm going to start by smoking cigarettes at 14, at 15 I've already used weed, as I'd expect at that age, and I lost my virginity. He was with my first serious friend. I used to lie to my parents about sleeping in friends, and I'd go to parties. That's how I changed about four boyfriends by the age of 17. I've done a lot of screw-ups, got drunk in front of my sister, kissed drunk with a couple of guys, had sex the first week with one of my "boyfriends" and, as expected, he dumped me afterwards. I made a pretty big tattoo. Countless scandals with our siblings and rumors about me. I forgot to mention that I'm from a small town. Yes, the rumors are flying. And here I am. I went to another city. I've met new people, a new way of life. I stopped smoking long ago, I stopped using the weed, at parties I already drink moderately, no one has to "pick me up", I have a serious friend, we are considering our future together. I enrolled in language, I have serious professional plans, I have a dentistry. I'm learning really hard, I never thought I'd be that kind of person one day. I have goals, dreams, plans... before I had nothing - I lived day to day, lived for the "moment". I still love my friends, I like to go out and party, but I'm not that girl. The whole thing comes from the fact that when I get home and my sister, our mutual friends and the people I've dated or know me with, little or much, I'd say even my family.. somehow they may see the change in me, but they do not recognize it. I don't know. Still, my loved ones don't have full confidence in me, still tossing comments "are you going to drink again," "light a cigarette, you love them," "that boy you remember, you said you were in business." and all these comments depress me. I'm not the person I was. I'm not that rag, even if I know it is - mutual friends, close people - the fact that they think it or remind me of what I was hurting. I can't turn back time and make things right, I can't erase the memories of the guy from a date I kissed drunk with one night and now insist on respect. I can't stop the rumors. I wish I didn't care. I wish I hadn't done these things, but I did. And as much as I enjoy my views now, my actions, and the things I achieve, there is a small, deeply hidden part within me that reminds me of my past all the time and makes me blame myself. But most of all, I want to show my family that I'm not that girl, they see it, but somehow.. the past is still in their minds. Somehow my image in their eyes. is confused.