I've Been Alone For 9 Years ... And I Don't Know Why Anymore ...?

The Story

Hello! I am a 27 year old boy. from Sofia. I need to share with someone what's wrong with me, but I don't want to be offended. I hope to come across decent people here. I will drive straight - I am a virgin, more precisely, I have never had sex. As a teenager, I had several failed relationships, most recently when I was 18 years old. it was quite strong love, obviously platonic, but it ended with a broken heart for me. I haven't had a girlfriend since, I shut myself in. I started working, then I enrolled in university and did both in parallel for years. I was constantly busy, sleep deprived and depressed. I have the feeling that I have developed some kind of bipolar disorder - one part of me desperately wants female company and caress ... but the other part of me denies and continues to be closed in on herself. I've been alone for so long that I've become self-sufficient, I forgot what it's like to kiss a girl and have a girlfriend. I am both suffering and so good. I am constantly rewinding the hypothetical scenarios of a relationship - dumps, meetings, everything is rosy, I fall in love and not long after - I am left with a broken heart. In fact, my longest relationship was 8 months with this girl when we were 18, I fell terribly in love and it ended terribly for me. Before I felt addicted to sugar in the form of sweets, over time I realized that this is a kind of mental compensation associated with dopamine. It passed, I gave up, I lost weight. My peers - classmates, college students, are getting married, starting families, and I'm in this situation. And he sits, lonely, dreaming of a beautiful girl, self-sufficient, denying and slipping in one place. What's worse is that I know what condition I've been in for these years and I'm not doing anything ... year after year, beautiful girls pass by me, and I sit idly by. And the more time passes, the more I do nothing ... I have the feeling that I have forgotten how to love ... and damn it - yes! I'm dumb, I know. I'm stuck, it weighs so much on me, I just want to be relieved somehow ... I'm used to never complaining, I grit my teeth when it's hardest, it always goes on alone, at a slow pace, but I keep going. And here, what weighs on my soul I share on the net with anonymous strangers ... Was I so wrong !! when it's hardest it always goes on alone, at a slow pace, but I keep going. And here, what weighs on my soul, I share on the net with anonymous strangers ... Was I so wrong? !! when it's hardest it always goes on alone, at a slow pace, but I keep going. And here, what weighs on my soul I share on the net with anonymous strangers ... Was I so wrong? !!

Last Updated
September 28, 2020
Author:
Hembra

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