You are right in this case. And with your attempts to reason with her, she gets angry because she knows it's her fault. You also remind that it is not correct. And she wants to have fun and not think about the consequences. You don't lose anything, you have taken the right side, you are not against it, it is just not with you.
I still think society judges, but friends need to support each other. Our acquaintances, colleagues, society as a whole can evaluate us fairly and impartially. The friend should not judge, he should make decisions and support us, this is what distinguishes him from other people in our lives. "I think you're wrong, I'm worried about you, but I will support you, whatever you decide" is the friendly position.
You have taken on the role of a judge, here you say what, how to do it. You judge impartially and fairly who is right and who is wrong. It is more important for you to be fair than to be a friend. It's just that they have a divorce judge, your job is very different. You got on a fictional pedestal and you say what, how from your position to what? With the same success, you can lend a hand from the third floor to someone who has fallen to the ground. And to tell him, "Here, I'm telling you how to stand up and I've given you a hand, but you're so low that you can't take advantage of my help / intelligence / advice. Ah, maybe you're the one who if really wants to help, he should turn his back on his desire to stand higher (Ego - always be right) and touch the person, try to understand "explain to me, if you can, I want to understand you, but my It's hard. "Although even when we don't understand and like the decision, we have to consider it and support it. This is her life, do you really want to be responsible for her choices? Are you really an influence, not a support? do you want to exercise power over another's life?
My friend forgave the infidelity. I don't think she's right, I know she deserves so much more. But she has my full support, whatever she decides. I told her everything I think she deserves a man who respects and appreciates her, that she should not be afraid to be alone because I will be by her side. From the moment I heard "I decided to give a chance" I did not say a word against her decision. As soon as she gives a chance, I give a chance. If she shakes her head again tomorrow, I'll be by her side again. Not to tell her "did she see", but to let her know that there is at least one person who will stay with her if the whole world is against her. And she is that person to me.
In that sense, I don't think you're losing anything. She may receive the same treatment she receives from you and a stranger. As you can judge here and there, people without being close to you. You have no symbiosis, you are not useful and necessary.
I personally "spiraled" a friend to act impulsively and stupidly, but mine listened to me and came to her senses. She also behaved aggressively, but I didn't give up and put up with her, not sparing her anything. Some will say for sure that they have no right to interfere with each other's privacy, but it's not quite because I couldn't watch her obviously make a terrible mistake. However, if she had continued to break her head, I would not have judged her, because I am neither a god nor does it make any sense. And in the end, she didn't insult or hurt me. In this case, you emphasize that you maintain contact with her ex-husband. The better approach is to support her ex-husband with your husband, not to chat solo with your husband. I don't think she's jealous, she just thinks you betrayed her probably by pulling away from her and getting closer to your ex. She understands that you accept her as the negative character and will not bother you. At the moment, the abandoned partner feels like a victim and uses you as far as I understand as a vent. Help your husband and you get out of shock as much as you want, but don't just commit to it. And why should she look for you? Look for it when you miss it. Just don't get into their movie because that's where you went.
To number 2
You are not objective! That is why we are people and society, because we profess the same or similar moral values.
If tomorrow your husband decides to break up his family in the same way as the lady in question, will you consider it right, given that it concerns not only you but also a child?
Will you stay friends with the lame man because friendship is just "above all"?
Will you disregard what happened and will not judge your husband's action, because he is presumably your friend above all?
That is why we are human and not only do we disapprove of the mistakes of others, but we also strive to influence them in time so that they do not fall into weaknesses and make mistakes! THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS IN WHICH FRIENDSHIP IS ROOTED!
And that the lady, destroying her family, is wrong, there is no dispute!
Number 2, to support an obvious wrongdoing is not friendly, there is even a quote on the subject. Huge nonsense, I'm shocked. But \ they like to lie to them, we see the consequences around us.
You're no friend, that's all I'll tell you. She didn't do the right thing, but she's not your girlfriend. Even if I knew she was wrong, I would still be by her side and try to reason with her. What is it for you to give a man a mind? Let your husband give it to him. Safe from such girlfriends who just poke their noses and push themselves where they are unnecessary.
I am glad to see that there are still other women who are not subject to the female society but follow some moral rules. You acted very wisely by letting her break her head. Let her look for you, when it's time for tears.
We are people like that, we love to judge, to wave a finger and to read morals. However, as a "girlfriend" did you ask her why she decided so? One does not abandon one's family without anything. On the other hand, they may have been the perfect couple, but was that really the case? Do you know for sure what exactly happened in their home behind the locked door? Because I also knew such an "ideal married couple" and when they divorced we were all in shock. In the end, it turned out that he systematically harassed her and beat her, but in front of the world he was played by a happy family. Don't judge hastily! There is certainly something you do not know. A mother does not abandon her child like that. Even if he falls in love, he will catch a lover, and he will not burn bridges and abandon everything. Once she's ready to fight everyone for him, it's not just falling in love. And as number 2 told you, friends support, not judge. We are human, sometimes we make mistakes, but if it is not for friends to stand behind us in a difficult time, then who? And you are not sinless, so do not act as a judge. Enough other people are attacking this woman right now, don't you either. Especially, as I told you, without knowing everything. It is easy to throw stones and mud, it is harder to understand and support. Well, you don't agree with her, you have the right to an opinion, but not to judge and interfere in someone else's life. And I don't always agree with my best friend's decisions, I just think she's doing nonsense, I tell her in her eyes, but that's it. She makes her decision and even if it turns out that she is wrong, I don't wave a finger, "but I told you, didn't I ?!" , and I listen and comfort because we have been through a lot together over the years and I know that when I need support she will be by my side and will not judge me even if she thinks my behavior and decisions are crazy. Because she's been my friend for 25 years, not just an acquaintance who's dying to give unsolicited advice and gossip about me and how it happened "because I didn't listen to her"!
Ask for it. Are you a friend or just an acquaintance?
Sometimes it is best to see from the sides who is right and who is wrong. The fact that she was your friend does not cause any ban on contact with her ex-husband. Don't bother, you haven't lost anything.
I think you have a subconscious sympathy for her ex-husband.
Let's say your girlfriend did something wrong. You immediately condemn her and lightly decide that you no longer need to communicate at all (nothing that what she did has nothing to do with you, and you yourself can not know what problems they really had, but they have hid from people). And you immediately start communicating more with her husband. It was as if that was all you were waiting for. Limit your contact with him before you do something stupid.
You are doing the right thing, number 2 is not right at all. If tomorrow a friend decides to liquidate her husband or mother, how should a person act - to support his friend / even if he only agrees with the act /? !? Above friendship, there is at least one other level of priorities - personal / community morality. In this case, the act of the person in question is obviously blamed by all his relatives, even by his own parents.
Author, with friends like you, there is no need for enemies. You are base, insidious and insidious. With impure thoughts. You reach out to your girlfriend's husband, and with good intentions. Good thing your girlfriend found out about your product.
I want to say that since I started the topic, she called me several times, but honestly for sure and she feels it, it's not the same .... She speaks much more rigidly, she says that everything is great with her and she doesn't know how it is not done earlier ... I tell her that I'm happy for her and I really think so, at least that all the noise is justified. But she still made various ugly statements in front of her ex at my address, a kind that now he could attack me ... Apparently she interpreted all this as a dump, but still this one. I was quite upset. I don't think I'm going to play it, I'll do whatever it tells me from the inside, and in time I'll hope it realizes
In general, I really hate such "girlfriends" as you, who push where there is room for only two. You don't care about people's personal lives at all, they were friends. It can only get worse. Do not do unsolicited good!
Number 4 and 5. I'm number 2.
I really don't know where this conclusion came from. Given that in my personal example I note that I say exactly what I think and that I consider the decision to be wrong. I didn't think it was complicated to say "I don't think she's right" and "I said everything I think" was neither a lie nor an approval of a decision. The fact that I do not impose my opinion at all costs only means that I consider my friend's opinion about his personal life to be more important than my own. This is his life. And whether I will stay in his life after his decision is already my choice.
It was good people, have you really reached such heights in your personal development that you can exercise power over other people's important decisions? Are you so confident that you know best that you are judging what another person should and should not go through as an experience in your life? Are you serious? Such responsibility ... or irresponsibility.
From your position on what do you know the best solution? The voice of society? It has a voice, where is your friendly voice? What is the function of your retelling of society? !! For the second time I ask what is the function of the voice of society, of conscience, of morality. Everything, but not a normal person with weaknesses, problems and difficult moments like the one against you.
It's so important to be right, huh? Let us all like it. So much so that we read a text selectively to get it right. So much so that we can betray a close friend and point the finger at him and judge him, together with society.
I really hope that this society will take care of you as well. Have earned more loyalty than your close friends.
I don't think you're her friend. Good thing she got rid of you. You have no right to judge her. This is her life and you are not part of it.
You are not a friend at all, but an ordinary traitor that everyone is happy not to have in his life. Just read the text, be ashamed of your way of thinking...
I decided to leave an opinion because I was in the position of the author's girlfriend. Years ago I met another man, we fell in love and I divorced my husband. The shock that my decision caused to my relatives was huge, because we also gave it to the "perfect family". We were just intelligent enough not to push our family problems into the eyes of others. Behind the scenes, however, there was violence, harassment, disappointment, and hopelessness, which led me to the point that at one point I simply closed the door behind me. Even if the man I was in a relationship with at the time hadn't followed me (but he did and also divorced), I would still do so.
The first winter was very severe. My mother refused to let us into the apartment, which according to documents is mine. My friend (he was still like that then, now he is my husband) left his home to his ex-wife. We rented accommodation in Sofia, where I am from. He had to quit his job because he couldn't travel to the countryside every day (the car also took his ex). For a period of time we stayed on my salary of BGN 700 - for rent, for food, for electricity and water, for everything.
During this long, long winter, I counted my friends. I still see that ordeal as a turning point in my life, because it clearly showed me, firstly, my own ability to survive, and secondly, it removed the masks from the faces of many people I had allowed into my life.
Our room was a room with a bathroom, as much as we could afford. We had a table with two chairs, a bed, a wardrobe and a round green carpet, which we bought with the last money. I still keep this carpet and I will keep it for the rest of my life, because it turned out to be the main arbiter in sifting my friends. Since we had, as I mentioned, only two chairs, we all sat in a circle on the carpet around a bottle of wine in the middle. People changed, the stage remained. We talked about everything except my divorce, none of my friends waited for this topic. My boyfriend was treated as if we had been together for a hundred years and it had never been different; my ex-husband was not mentioned even once. None of the guests came empty-handed, everyone tried to find an elegant and dignified way to help us at least with products. Soon a friend from this literally "circle of friends" connected me with a new magazine, where I was invited as an external collaborator on excellent terms and pay, allowing me to easily cover the rent. Another, a university professor, did not leave me alone until I applied for and earned a full-time doctorate with her, so a scholarship began to run. Our initial capital of BGN 700 per month began to swell, especially since my friend found - with the help of his friends - a great job in his specialty, so we finally got back on our feet, and after we officially married mother he waved the white flag at me and lifted the veto from my properties, so that we could now have our own apartment in the winter and a suburban summer house in the warmer months. Eight years have passed since then. The same friends are still a part of our lives, but we are already making the "magic circle" in the garden around the barbecue and not on the green carpet, but on our green lawn. None of the people who never looked for me during and after the divorce stayed in my life. I don't need invertebrates that I can't count on for better or worse. I do not have a relationship with my ex-husband and I do not know how he coped with the crisis. I hope he has received the same support from his loved ones.
I do not intend to leave another comment on the author's story, because I think that the episode from my life illustrates well enough my thesis, which completely coincides with the position of number 2.
You don't look like a man, author. Nor as a friend. I even think that you secretly envy your girlfriend for the courage and courage she has to change her life and fight for her happiness. You are supposed to move to her husband's bed in the form of sympathy, but it will not shine on you. Man loves her, and suffers for her. You will be just a short-term consolation, nothing more.
Is she right not to look for me ... Well, a little funny question. But I will answer: She, and any other person has the full right not to look for you, even without giving you any explanations.
No, you didn't lose her as a friend, because you didn't have a real friendship, you were just comfortable acquaintances.
I highly doubt that he is jealous of you, and of any of your ex-husbands, so don't worry about it at all and keep writing to him calmly as soon as your husband says there is no problem with it.
That's how we are because everything is "okay" we discuss others! It is hellishly mean, rude and envious to talk behind other people's backs.
I will not comment on the story, because it is not told in the first person, nor can I give advice.
Why do I think you already like her ex-husband. You subconsciously feel ashamed and that's why you post topics about whether he's looking for you properly. Where does your husband and he sleep? She will soon be in the situation of your girlfriend's ex-husband.
1 ersh5309 answered