It's Hard For Me To Overcome Him ...

As the title implies, this is a person I find hard to forget. No, not to erase him as a person. I am a girl of 20 years. I broke up with Him (22 years old) days ago ... I can't shake the bitterness in my throat ... I've been crying for days and I can't think of anything else ... Now you will tell me "it's normal at every separation so be it, and it will pass. " But not. I will try to summarize things. We walked for almost 6 months. This was really the One, the One I wanted and with whom I felt more than complete. Our relationship was quite unexpected, it all started quite spontaneously. Before him I had 2 more connections, but there is no question of comparison and superiority at all. There were no things that made me happy, or at least short-lived - thrill, chemistry, love, indestructible friendship, respect. He (M.) was the man. It wasn't perfect, but I couldn't ask for more, I didn't need to. He is a very busy man, working almost all day. Although we are from one city, our visions were not very frequent, not to mention that I study in another city, finish 2nd year soon ... and return to our hometown twice a month at best. Our relationship was going pretty well, I would say, but only when we were face to face. Caresses, attention, etc. spoke for themselves. When I returned to the city where I study, ... our contact was, as you can guess, on Skype, and there were constant misunderstandings. We could rarely hear each other on the phone, his work is dynamic and takes all his attention. It was hard, especially for him. Somehow I had the patience and the will to wait. But it obviously reflects the expression "eyes far-heart far" ... breaks of at least 2 weeks of invisibility clearly hindered him. at the beginning of the relationship he said that he had a very strong thrill towards me, he started to get very attached, but after the first 2 months of walking there were several disputes and quarrels, which obviously pushed him back. Then we broke up for a while, but then he decided to give us another chance ... and I think he did it out of regret, because I barely survived a few days in depression. I gave him time to clarify with himself how he felt about me. and when it came to this last separation, he admitted to me that things weren't going well, he didn't feel like it - he looked at me like a super close friend, he couldn't fall in love. it broke my heart. remembering the way we made love, the way we looked at each other and caressed each other ... everything I had just dreamed of and had the illusion that it was mutual .. I know, that the reason is not another girl, because he is an honest and direct person, he told me things that hurt me, but I know he is not lying. Let me mention - before me he had a long relationship with one that made his life black, with infidelity at least. But he was in love with her. I've heard him say that probably because of this "blow" he is afraid to fall in love again. But I don't believe him. One does not decide when to squeeze in love and when to let go freely. It comes and does not ask. Talk to me a lot of things last time, sorry I don't know what ... and what of it can he reasonably put together my broken heart? It wasn't a relationship like the others, this time I was really in love (I still am) ... my pillow is soaked with tears, every night and morning I fall asleep / wake up torn .. My friends say that he didn't deserve me and didn't appreciate me ,, as soon as he fell in love with such rags as his ex, and I, who gave love and affection for him, looked at me like a friend. It's hard for me, even now I'm pouring ... I ask you for advice and opinions ... to some extent I wanted to pour out my grief through this story ... If you have any questions for more clarification of the picture, ask. Thanks in advance...