Hello :) In short, I'm a girl in my mid-16th year, in 10th grade, and I'm into art. I like to ask myself questions and question things in order to test them. Also, I love colors and I associate everything with them. Like my peers, I also experience my emotional turmoil dramatically. I spin in a spiral and sometimes I stumble over the thoughts entangled in it, and as I soon came to the conclusion, these thoughts are often in the color of a guy who occupies exactly half of my life so far. What was love, people? Why is it so difficult? What do we aim to achieve with ourselves when we are in love? Supposedly simple questions, but with such complex and personal answers ... So, my story can become a mile-long novel, because I am often verbose and stretch delicacies, but I will try to be meaningful this time. Let's call him Victor. That name ruined my life to the core, nothing was left. How? Well, imagine that the most wonderful creature, which has been the center of your consciousness for 7 years, becomes your closest friend, starts teasing, supporting and loving you, and suddenly it all stops. Here it is, without explanation. You feel like a scaffolding in a gallery after an atomic bombing. I want to think that it's all my fault, because then I could more easily fix all the chaotic mess in me, but I don't think there's really a culprit. I have a lot of complexes, I try hard to eradicate them from my consciousness, but it happens slowly and it is very difficult for me to balance this with the present, with work, distant uncertain goals and with the "experience". I want to experience this boy, all these emotions bother me a lot, I am jealous and I continue to blindly hope for something unreal .. And I fail, I feel weak, I know it depends on me .. but all the memories crush me every time I think of him. And this is, so to speak, constantly. This is a human drama of how the world shines, yes, but each of us experiences it in his own way ... And I've been a little embarrassed lately. I just think that everything is fine now and it automatically rotates in the opposite direction. I despair and sit down sobbing softly in the dust, watching my time run out. When will I change myself? How? Should? Do i want I hate myself for all my shortcomings and mistakes that I did not foresee ... and everyone calls me "Love yourself". But how? Why can not i? I feel like a slimy filmmaker with imaginary problems, so I prefer to keep quiet, but somehow I manage to " because I judge too much and often become bold, introverted, accusing them of not being the most ideal version. I feel ignorant and unworthy, and if I look at it from another angle, I find that I can feel differently. I want to master this. When accepted among others, everything calms down, but there are always various dusty thoughts swirling in my head, which take me away from reality and prevent me from concentrating. How do you come to a comprehensive answer to all these questions? And reading that, what kind of person do you think I am? I don't think I know either .. I accept criticism, so I'll be happy for any comments, whatever :) And thanks in advance because I judge too much and often become bold, introverted, accusing them of not being the most ideal version. I feel ignorant and unworthy, and if I look at it from another angle, I find that I can feel differently. I want to master this. When accepted among others, everything calms down, but there are always various dusty thoughts swirling in my head, which take me away from reality and prevent me from concentrating. How do you come to a comprehensive answer to all these questions? And reading that, what kind of person do you think I am? I don't think I know either .. I accept criticism, so I'll be happy for any comments, whatever :) And thanks in advance I find that I can feel differently. I want to master this. When accepted among others, everything calms down, but there are always various dusty thoughts swirling in my head, which take me away from reality and prevent me from concentrating. How do you come to a comprehensive answer to all these questions? And reading that, what kind of person do you think I am? I don't think I know either .. I accept criticism, so I'll be happy for any comments, whatever :) And thanks in advance I find that I can feel differently. I want to master this. When accepted among others, everything calms down, but there are always various dusty thoughts swirling in my head, which take me away from reality and prevent me from concentrating. How do you come to a comprehensive answer to all these questions? And reading that, what kind of person do you think I am? I don't think I know either .. I accept criticism, so I'll be happy for any comments, whatever :) And thanks in advance what kind of person do you think i am I don't think I know either .. I accept criticism, so I'll be happy for any comments, whatever :) And thanks in advance what kind of person do you think i am I don't think I know either .. I accept criticism, so I'll be happy for any comments, whatever :) And thanks in advance
1 alice_morrison_ answered
I understand you, calm down. XD There's a mess in my head too .. But I'm trying to hide somehow. A boy turned my life upside down in the same way, and I don't even know him yet. At least you had contact with him, I hit my head every day to find out what his intentions are, what he wants from me. Every time he behaves differently, I try to understand from his eyes what he thinks, what he feels. He definitely feels something, but I don't know what. And if that sounds super confusing and pointless, that's how I feel. I think I go crazy at times from my own thoughts. Something is constantly spinning in my head, things that are not really as important and huge as they seem in my eyes. But that's who I am. I scream internally and I am silent externally. Because I think that my problems are not exactly problems, what people go through .. But at the same time these "problems" they affect me because they are important to me. Sometimes I wish I could jump two or three years ahead, maybe then I'll be more "mature", as they say, maybe then I'll know what's going on and things will be clearer to me. So they say that these years are the most confusing and in the future everything will be fine somehow. Dano. 17 years