Hi! It is nice that there is such a site – sometimes it is easier to share with strangers and to get a more objective opinion and advice. Years ago, I met a man who saw security, respect, support, and later love... So it happened that we lived together. I got attached to him, but for me, it's not that strong, stirring love that makes you feel "special." He must love me, I just can't feel it. For a while, I was relieved that there were far more important things than strong love, good sex, and the man next to me made me feel beautiful and loved. I even thought I was done with love. Until I met the other guy. And I cheated. I had great remorse at first, I was very afraid of hurting the person next to me, and I'm still afraid of it. I think if I hurt him, it's going to hurt me just as much as he does - after all, I'm the one who's guilty... But this one with the other man has gone from a minor adventure to that love that makes you happy and at the same time hurts when he's gone. He was the first to talk about love, although maybe it's not typical for a man to do it. We love each other, but it's so impossible to be together! He's a family man with kids... He never lied to me, I knew from the beginning that we had no future, and at first we were just having sex. We didn't know when passion grew into love. The bad news is, I realized how much I missed all this before I met him, I realized that it wasn't a reason why things didn't go home, but rather a consequence. Sooner or later, I'd fall in love, even if it wasn't him. The reasons are with me and the person at home - the lack of strong feelings, that he seems to have taken me for granted and thinks it is quite normal that there is no romance between us, we fight about trifles, we lack physical and emotional closeness. How do I leave him? I don't want to be a horrible and cruel person, I don't want to hurt him, but I realize that if I don't do it, our lives together will be a lie. Maybe he's got the great love waiting for him somewhere, the woman who's going to make him feel feelings he didn't even know he was capable of, and- fooling him, I'm going to stop him from meeting her... and at the same time I will deprive myself of something without which I will never be happy - love. It probably sidess up the choice seems easy, but when this problem is yours- what would you do?
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shimlagrl answered · June 21, 2020
I've read your story, and I'd like to share my opinion. I'm a woman, and that's one of the reasons I'm on your side and i understand exactly how you feel. Gather courage and end this relationship, which, as you say, is only out of habit. Just because you've found another person that makes you feel happy doesn't make you a terrible person, quite the opposite. It would be terrible if only for fear of hurting him - a kind of regret.
After all, one must first of all look at himself. Believe me, dear live your life the way it is best for you and so that you are happy and feel loved, because that is the most important thing and make sure that if the wheel turns no one will comply with you. If you were in his place, he wouldn't have had such doubts, he'd just say to you one day - I love another, goodbye!
So experience this present love and make the most of it. Do you feel like you love a real, love true - not out of habit.
That's what I think, and I'd be happy if you could find strength and a way to make things right and enjoy the present.
Choosing even from the sides is not easy, so good luck!
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cwby4199 answered · June 21, 2020
Thank you very much for your advice. I wish I was a little stronger or even more selfish...
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matty_818 answered · June 21, 2020
I know easily there is no but think about whether the other will support you
whether he would leave his family for you and live with the thought that his children are far from him and how he would feel in his place I wish you success
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calientito222 answered · June 21, 2020
Rather, I think that someone "third" should appear in my life. Not that I'm looking for him, but I'm just sure the other one won't leave his family. I can't ask him to. Even if she does- how she will feel afterwards, and will I be able to bear the blame for "her" children, and that our future child will always have to "share " with them - attention, money, everything.... Definitely my mind "speaks" that this is not a solution....
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koni_jensen answered · June 21, 2020
Honey, when I read your story, my heart just shrunk. I saw myself in you. No one can give you an adequate answer to this dilemma... It's insanely hard! I know it from personal experience. And I have a friend with whom I am out of habit, out of respect and for fear of hurting (although at the moment I am hurting him much more without him knowing). We've been with him for almost four years, but the passion, the spark, the sexual attraction is just gone... and for me these are the most important things for a meaningful relationship. And true love, the man I feel a woman with who complements me and who I'm happy with, is married.
I totally understand. I know what you feel and what you want from yourself, from your friend, from your love, but it's hard... It's endlessly difficult! People who haven't been in this situation, maybe they'd reproach us, call us with unbeautiful epithoses, they would insult us, but I know what it's like to be at a crossroads where you know the right direction, but you've had to take it. I want to advise you something that I don't have the guts to do. I hope you're stronger than me! It's for your own good to break up with a married man. Just think about how much grief he caused you, how many tears you shed for him when you needed him, and he was with her... Think about whether it's worth the beautiful moments you've lived together, or if they all drown in the bitter tears you cried about him...
But if you truly love and want that man who has shown you love, fight for him! But you know, you're not in the first place, it always has an advantage. She's the woman his children are from, and she's always going to be that way.
I believe in true love, in love, and if for you this is this married man, love him and give him everything that is in you, give him your love, show him that he is all about you and everything you have (or soon you have...) Do not give up on him with an easy hand. Being married is a terrible obstacle, I know, and I'm sure if you hadn't, you wouldn't be wondering what to do and what to do, and you'd be alone with him (at least in my case). But if he can't take responsibility for you... you just have to move on. Maybe on my own... It's very sad...
I don't think I'm going to help you with what I wrote you, and I don't think you're going to listen to advice, but I know that at least one good word will somehow calm your soul!
Be strong! From a soul mate...