I will try to write things clearly and consistently, the difference in my story is that I will share about my visit to a psychologist. I am 22 years old and I am in a relationship with a boy, a 23 year old man. We have been together for almost 3 years, we have always lived together. Things are within normal limits - sometimes we go out, sometimes we don't; we have things in common, and at the same time we are different. In the first year of the relationship, he lied to me in a small way, hurt me by making me jealous, and accordingly I erupted, jealous at times and too much, grumbling, reproaching and not trusting him. In general, I reacted to his attitude. It was a very good period for him, and it was very difficult for me. We were both walking in our relationship and so far I dare say that we have learned a lot. He hasn't lied retail for a long time like before, or so it seems, I don't know if it's possible. But it's still superficial and we can't have normal conversations in general. Well, now it doesn't make me jealous for real reasons like a one-time flirtation with my college classmates, brutal looks that just don't get over the girl, or a look at the ass of his ex-roommate he didn't have. ' nothing ', respectively, had. Ah, I forgot that sex was also very bad, probably because of his checking life he couldn't have it in the first months. Now things are OK, I weaned him off, and he said he needed to break the habit. They are ok, although I need more, I'm just sexier than him. I've never used pornography, I dated boys before I met him. The other thing is that the things I want him to do to me like oral caresses are a rarity, and he doesn't do it like people do. No matter how much I explain, I try to talk. And he is always happy with me. When he overdoes it with grumbling in general, he insults me ... even brutally, at least until soon. There was a need for change. So far we have ironed out a lot of things, but one thing I failed to do was my jealousy, for example, of pornographic footage in videos of his favorite black music, once in his car the next song was a recording of porn by his favorite black music artist. In short, I have the values of our parents' generation, but at the same time I sometimes overdo it with my jealousy, grumbling and reproach. Our last separation was very soon in about a week. The reason for the explosion was ... An album cover, which is sitting on the big plasma TV - a painted naked woman, her head covered, and a stick inserted in her ass. I was patient, but at one point I couldn't keep my mouth shut and wanted to wipe it. He threatened me that this was the end, to move out of their home, where I live. Then we recovered, provided I didn't grumble and be jealous of nonsense. I had visited a psychologist for 1 hour, all the time I was pointing out my mistakes, because I want to educate myself not to have such a sharp tongue. I wanted him to stop calling me crazy and the like. I am afraid of parting with him and all my relatives and friends know this. Almost everyone says it's not for me. They say I can be much 'better'. The psychologist told me that I had no problem, but I would have to correct these remarks. She told me that I was the most intelligent girl she had ever met for my age. That he is not at my level and I am complexing him. He asked me many times why I wanted to be with him and the answer was because of the feelings. Yes, they are mutual, and on the other hand we are very close. He is proud of me in front of his relatives and friends. I love to read, to cook, to write, to play sports, I can paint, and if I do professionally at least one of the listed, I will be successful. Separately, I take good care of our 'nest'. We have serious plans, he wants a child, but maybe it won't happen soon that I have problems. He knows every day cigarettes, weed and alcohol, games and friends after work, and me of course. We're so different, but I wouldn't break up with him because of that. Only infidelity I would not forgive, and beatings, God forbid, and such brutal things. As I said, we also have some common interests. My wife told me to start talking to her about my good traits and habits because I blame myself too much. He came to the conclusion that he was behaving this way almost out of perfectionism. After all, I am a woman that everyone would talk to. I look good in face and body, I have a radiance, I am quite natural - sporty - I dress elegantly, never with a manicure, sometimes I put mascara. With dimples, naturally painted black eyebrows, but light hair, soft skin with a pleasant complexion .. And no, I'm not very confident, neither for my achievements nor for appearance. I tried to prove that I think this way, not of complexes, but of the values I possess. I can't watch murders, people in the toilet, sex scenes on TV while eating. He can't do without TV, and he burdens me every day .. I always insist on conversations about everything, so there is no way without his TV .. Otherwise he complies somewhat with things in general. Last night before we went to sleep, he played 'Naked and Scared'. I haven't watched it, but I think the idea is to survive, but the real idea is different. I don't know exactly how a series goes, but the shot I saw at the moment of the big plasma was a completely naked woman on camera. And in general, everything was visible to them. At 1 o'clock at night I can't believe she wasn't watching him with hindsight, but how do I know? I was very sick, but I asked him, 'Since when have you been watching this, I'm a little shocked? ', he replied that for many years. I can't take it, what do you think and how would you feel and act in my place about these things I shared? He said I obviously had problems as a child. I had a lot, but sexuality was not an impact, in the sense that I had no childhood problems with sex, my problems were of a different nature. For my part, I dare say he had 'incidents' - when he has just turned 6, an older boy of 12 years old lets him watch porn. Or another fact ... Even when he was little, his father had told him what women should do ... I didn't want this to be a finale, but I remembered. He also cheated on his mother, he told me - hoping that he would take an example as their son how much it hurts. However, thank you if you got here. I will be very grateful to those who responded!
1 rachelfibler answered
He doesn't think it will change. It will get stronger over the years. There is no point in staying with someone who will ruin your life. Run while you're young. There are no fixes for him. It will be felt at 40. Until then, will you wait for it to mature? Run with 200 and get together with someone without daddy and mommy issues. From experience I speak to you ...