Is There A Chance To Fix Something?

The Story

Hello everyone! I am an 18 year old boy. I have a problem with a person very close to me. It's about a friend from my class. She and I have been extremely close since I entered high school. We were like brother and sister. Everything was going great until the end of 2017, when unfortunately I fell in love with her. She is, without exaggeration, a great person, kind, caring, cool, but also very good and vulnerable and a lot of people use her for that. I got angry every time she cried after someone harassed or insulted her. When I found out that I was in love with her, I was very scared and disappointed in myself. I felt like the greatest traitor in the world. I wanted to get out of her space because I felt terribly bad around her, I was being eaten inside by thoughts of her without her even suspecting it. Finally on holidays, no matter how hard I tried to distance myself, I looked for her and we wrote to each other, she was relieved that we chatted a bit. But then something happened to me and I became paranoid that I was nobody to her and we did not congratulate each other on the holidays, which saddened me even more. We went back to school and I decided to delete her from my life because I didn't want to go through any dramas and I thought that she didn't care about me.

She wondered why I was doing it, but I never gave her an answer because I would disappoint her a lot. I kept running away from her and my problem! However, everything became super unbearable and I tore inside because I care a lot about her, and I punished her with this silence (maybe I didn't just like her anymore, I loved her). I hurt what I love! Now I recently wanted to talk to her, why I ignored her and found out, that I had actually hurt her a lot and it was extremely painful for her to be erased from me and my life for no reason! And she was absolutely right to be mad at me. I felt terrible and wanted to cross myself from the face of this world, but I couldn't tell her that I had done it because I was afraid I would lose her and that I thought I had betrayed her with my thoughts of how much I loved her. !! Now that I look at our friendship, it is irreparably damaged not to mention anything more. However, I want to be completely honest with her and tell her that I love her unconditionally very much, even though it might ruin our relationship forever. What should I do? because I was afraid that I would lose her and that I thought I had betrayed her with my thoughts of how much I love her! Now that I look at our friendship, it is irreparably damaged not to mention anything more. However, I want to be completely honest with her and tell her that I love her unconditionally very much, even though it might ruin our relationship forever. What should I do? because I was afraid that I would lose her and that I thought I had betrayed her with my thoughts of how much I love her! Now that I look at our friendship, it is irreparably damaged not to mention anything more. However, I want to be completely honest with her and tell her that I love her unconditionally very much, even though it might ruin our relationship forever. What should I do?

Last Updated
September 13, 2020
Author:
bonavoluntat

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