Is It Love Or Torture?

My story is probably similar to those written in the forum. I have been planning to write for a long time and I finally gathered the courage. It all started in February, when I met a boy. Quite by accident on the internet. Everything went like a chat, conversations, jokes, from time to time a dump and so on. But over time, things got serious. Word for word, I was reached by phone numbers, appointments, phone calls, and conversations all night long. Everything was so beautiful and it was going on that I was flying to the heavens of happiness. Only one thing bothered me and that was that neither I nor he had any progress, whether we were walking or not? But anyway, I was happy and nothing else mattered. It had never happened to me before that I had such a relationship, but at one point everything turned upside down. From people I learned some things about the boy, which I liked at this stage, that he was not a commodity, that he was involved in drugs, with suspicious types, that his company was not highly renowned in the city, and a bunch of other things. I decided to check if this was the case and asked him, but he denied the rumors and I said to myself - "People talk to me - it's normal".

Yes, but over time he started behaving strangely, he wrote to me a little, he didn't say anything, your meetings were arranged and at one point I asked myself: What's going on? Did he have a reason to behave like that? I talked to his friends and they said it was all right, but I was saddened by the change in his behavior. One random day, however, I realized that he was with another, there was another girl in his life. As a normal person, I asked him why he lied to me and why what made him be with her. And the answer was simple, he said he loved her, I came to terms with that, but I already realized that not only does that feeling of liking and liking live in me, but love lives in me. The love I felt for him. It didn't take long and he dumped that girl, so one day he called me, we saw each other and I decided to give him a second chance. Everything was going perfectly again, but I had to leave for a week and he was left alone. During the period when I was not there, he called me and assured me that he was faithful to me, but I came home surprisingly by coincidence earlier than usual and saw his skype that there is a picture of a girl you do not know and wrote - "I love they 'next to the photo itself.

Out of rage, I wrote to him and asked him what it was, if he could explain it to me, and he answered simply and with all his impudence told me that it was his girlfriend. I took this very hard. I got depressed, my girlfriends couldn't even recognize me and so ... this whole circle happened again and I forgave him again. This was repeated three more times. I kept saying to myself: I hope it's for the last time, but I was obviously wrong.

But he kept calling me, and I kept spinning in that circle. I fell in love with him to such an extent that I had no desire to go out with other boys and I kept talking about him. It's very difficult for me to even now, but he has realized that I love him and allows himself to play with me. It's hard to be indifferent to him because I have feelings, so please give me some advice. Maybe the story is the same and maybe dozens have found themselves in a situation like mine, but I have no idea how to break away from this cycle.

That's why I named the story Love or is it torture? Because I love him, and at the same time I'm kidding. I would be very happy to receive quality advice so that I can move forward. Thank you for drawing your attention to my story.