Infinitely Sad

The Story

Hello friends! I want to share my story with you, if I may describe it at all, because it is quite long and tiring. My mother and father have been divorced for 10 years and I live with my father. We understood each other perfectly, I love him as much as he loves me, but we are constantly in conflict with my mother, I don't understand, I have a sister with whom we also fight. My family is undermined by lies and intrigue I feel terribly depressed the only thing that makes me happy is the sport I practice. My father has a relationship with a woman who uses it only for benefits. All material gains are impersonal to me, nothing makes me really happy anymore. Even today, my father told me that I was mean and that he would fuck me, this is a small part of our conflicting conversations. I know he loves me very much, but it's all the other woman's fault, which I'm sure affects him in a very bad way. I have many friends when I go out I get drunk to atheism almost forever. I know it's ugly, but I think the only consolation is in the cup, there was even a period when I got drunk secretly in my room every night. I go out often in company, I am radically different, I do not show my problems. At home, at dinner, no one talks to anyone. We hardly see each other only in the evening and at dinner everyone stays in their own room. Even at Christmas, the situation was so tragic that I envied my girlfriend who has a great family - a family in which they love, understand and mostly talk. I don't know if the problem is not in me, I think a lot, why to blame the other as the problem itself may be in me. And I don't like self-pity, I hate loneliness, I hate quarrels, I'm a very cheerful person, but I think only when I think of myself in front of other people when I am alone with the saddest and most soulless person. I would exchange all the money and material gains to live in a family with love and understanding where the problems are discussed, not silenced and covered up with another purchased item. Thank you to everyone who put up with me, even I don't know how to help myself, the only thing I'm very angry about is that we love each other at home, but we can't say it to ourselves, our words are as empty as our souls. My father and I were advised to talk, but I didn't try, and you know how the conversation ends, it's all about the damn money again, and I've never been a materialist. I just don't know what to do, whether to run away, whether to continue to commit suicide, whether I don't know, I can't stand TIRED of this damn impersonal person,

Last Updated
October 07, 2020
Author:
lairahot

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