I have a girlfriend of 5 years. We started a relationship with her because she was my first in bed and I had to fall in love with her according to my understanding of life. I love and respect her, I give everything to her. She is not the perfect woman for me. There are a lot of discrepancies between the two of us, and I'm not her ideal half. But we tolerate our characters, we have adjusted to each other and things are working out for us. She already wants us to live together, to have a wedding, to have a baby. I don't feel ready at this stage. But I can imagine it. My life with her was satisfying until I met Her - the Dream Woman.
It is Sunbeam, Smile, Love, Heart, Soul, Mind. It's like everything. My whole universe. I'm in love as a kid, I suddenly became a Dreamer. It seems she can and wants to give me everything I need. She wants to be in my hands all the time. She wants to hear my voice all the time. She actively provokes jealous outbursts in me, but she covers them up with the same ease because I see that her eyes and heart look only at me. She sets me up, she's been by my side every second for a while. I can talk to her around the clock. She won't complain, and I feel free to do so. It made me feel whole in an interesting way. She challenged me to complete happiness - simply because we hugged. It made me long for things I didn't expect to have. I want to put a ring on her hand. Strange as it may sound, given that I don't want to do it with the woman who has been with me for 5 years. And I never really wanted to commit to anyone like that.
The differences between the two are too, too many.
My partner found out in a ridiculous way about everything I feel for the woman I am in love with, as well as for what she feels for me. Despite the initial reaction that we were splitting up, we didn't. We are together. I'm not ready to let her be with anyone else. She ... respects me. I love her and I'm ready to strengthen our relationship, but maybe I already understand what it's like to be truly loved and I want to see various things on her part that would make me stay. For example, to want to obsess over my time, like "The Mistress". To rejoice at least 1-2 times in some kind gesture on my part, such as a call on the occasion of "I love you.". I appreciate me for taking her time. I want her not to grumble that I've hugged her tightly and to ask me for a little more than money for a dress. I probably deserve it, but after he found out about my feelings for the other woman, I was relieved by over EURO 1,000 for some things, but he didn't ask for anything else. He didn't ask for more from me.
Only the material. She didn't want any more time with me to make sure I didn't have time for the other one or just to strengthen our relationship. Do not look at all for the reason for my attraction to another in myself and in the development of our relationship. He asked for more free time for himself, to see when and with whom he asked so that I would not interfere. And money. Until there.
With Love, we have not consumed our feelings in any way. Kisses on the cheek only, strong hugs, holding hands. But nothing more. Of course, I've cheated on my partner a dozen times. But only there - it's still something. I have already explained how it makes me feel. But let me also explain some traits of her behavior that made me really realize that I wanted more than my partner. Her happiness flows in her voice when I call her for the fifth time in the day to tell her that I just love her. And I never, ever just stay with "I love you too", but look for a story about how my day goes. He constantly does his best to see me when I can. I literally tell her, "I have 10 minutes to see you if you come to us," and she travels for half an hour to make it happen. I tell her that there are a few minutes before my boss comes and she interrupts her work to pay attention to me before he comes. I want to give her something for EURO 100 for her birthday and she tells me she can't accept it. I compromised decide to draw something for her and she enjoys being a child.
I give her something for EURO 300 and she doesn't open it for two weeks because it's too expensive. I take her plush toy and she loves it more than any other bun she has. I reveal to her dark corners of my soul, and she tells me that everything is fine and everything has an explanation. I tell her not to hide her hopes that we will ever be together, and she tells me that in that case, we can just enjoy the moment. I tell her to look for her happiness in another, and she replies that she found it in me. I explain to her that I will hurt her, and she accepts with a smile on her face that she will suffer when the time comes and will not regret it.
What makes me be with my girlfriend and not run to Love? Morality, duty, and honor. I promised her myself forever. We have no marriage, no home, and no children. But I promised her I wouldn't leave her. That I will be by her side. And I want to keep my promise and do it. We have invested a lot of ourselves in our relationship and I am sure we can skip the situation. I am sure that no matter how difficult it will be for me, I can put Love aside and be with my partner for the rest of our lives. I just really want to get from her the attention I get from the other. I want to get as wide smiles as hers for the gifts I make. I want to feel loved. I love her. I adore my "Mistress", our time together, I experience completely new feelings and emotions with her, stronger than anything else I have ever experienced. But I could ignore that and settle for less. My problem is that I get too little and I don't know if it's worth it. On the other hand, I don't feel ready to ignore the word for the sake of my heart.