Indiscriminate Sex From A 21 Year Old Boy

I'm trying to find an answer to the question why the hell am I having sex that I like, so do I not have dignity or make up for what I missed from my school years. Then I dreamed of many peers, to fuck them, I had phantasms with them, but I was very closed and for that I had no success, there were terracots and they fucked them. I remained a virgin until I was 18, and my first child was a prostitute of at least 35 years old. To note that I am an attractive boy, I play sports, but I'm just more closed and I have no experience in the dumps, I can't talk to lead a topic of conversation, to be active in conversation, so I solved the problem with paid women. There is a club next to us, where in 3 months I passed all 6 girls, but I must admit they were chicks, even one girl I passed it several times. Now I find women on the internet and offer them the offer for sex directly, because I live alone and have land. Those who agree are usually not beautiful, but when we go inside we drink, relax and indulge in our genitals. After having sex with such women, I am mentally and spiritually drained, dissatisfied and depressed. The sheets immediately go to the washing machine to wash away the negative energy left by another unknown body tossing in them, I soak in the shower to wash away the same remnants of another dissatisfaction caused by myself. I wonder if it's better to have sex than to have sex with women who don't attract me in any way. There is also a crazy case - my friend is the same as me, he finds them on the Internet, enchants them with stories - he is a sweet talker and the most interesting thing - he fucks them without a condom. We once did a threesome with a pretty chubby lady, but I put on a condom of course, because I had fungi from such and it is not pleasant with these ointments and examinations - to think the unreasonable. Let me add that a condom broke in the anus of a 19-year-old chubby girl who wanted to stay a virgin in front. Then I was scarier than her. I did my research and fortunately it was clean. I recently had sex with a 55 year old woman and this is my record. She was somehow not nice, but I wanted to report as a man, to feed my ego with another number. After her, I was like poisoned, sick. My ego prevails over the wounded soul. I just share, I do not want advice, because I know where the problem is and the important thing is that I am aware of what is happening. By the way, I'm studying psychology at the moment and that helps me a lot. I research this thing and I find the reason in my character, in what I want to happen right now and if I can without fighting for it, and as you know, especially for a young cool chick, the fight is fierce, but I don't see myself there and I don't see myself as a terracotta. It hurts me the most that I seem to have missed a lot of important things in school, where a person is alone around his peers and there it is clear what he is and what he will be in the future. Yes, many of these terracats are not alive now, for a number of reasons, others are in communes or with lost lives. I wonder if I failed by walking on paid women and having sex with which I fall or my over-sensitivity emphasizes this and finds it wrong, while others, if they are in my place, will probably not impress them and will not even think . And aren't these women coming to me the same wandering bodies without souls, lost in themselves and not really knowing what they are looking for All these I do not know if they are already approaching 100 pcs. women, in fact, there are 100 lost moments for me, but also a wonderful opportunity to study myself and female psychology. Thank you for your attention!