In Search Of Change

Hello! It is still clear from the title that I am not happy with myself and I am looking for a change. In everything - externally and internally. To begin with, to introduce myself. I'm a girl, almost 20. I'll soon lose my teen at the end of my life and I want to look at least a little like an adult. I look like a child and that interferes with my contact with people. They just don't believe I'm an adult. And I don't like myself at all. I have straight hair, not very long. I wanted to experiment with it, but as expected, it didn't help change. It is terrible, without volume, it gets greasy in a few hours ... Intolerant. My face is still clearing from acne, sometimes unsuccessfully. I try, I take care of him, but he kills again and again. I don't become a make-up artist, and when I try to hide it, it seems to stand out more and more to show me that it's there. As a kid, I used to wear splints, but our finances were not enough and in the end my teeth remained crooked. They are also yellow. I haven't tried any pastes, I don't drink coffee, I don't smoke ... But they are still like that. That's why I don't smile. In recent months, I have closed myself in and allowed myself to gain 10 kilograms, for which I am infinitely sorry at the moment. I can't go out in short clothes, it's summer. I'm uncomfortable watching them shake. And my body is asymmetrical - big ass, huge thighs and no breasts. In short, I do not attract the eye of the male part, I am not confident enough to go out and I look for flaws all day long. And I don't feel good inside. It's like hiding a rotten soul. There are days when I don't feel any emotions, there are days when I'm a volcano that erupts constantly. I feel that everything I do is not right, I am wrong with everything. I'm confused and I don't know what to do about it. I want to be able to go out and do everything like a normal person, not to constantly look at the girls and compare myself with them, to see couples holding hands, and to dream that one day the sun will shine on me too. I want to change myself. Completely. But I have no idea where to start.