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Love and affairs

In Love With Another After Five Years Together And Engaged

By beerotten July 09, 2020 15 answers Last updated July 09, 2020

I didn't know it could happen to me, but here I am, crying and desperate and at a complete standstill after the "love of my life." We have been engaged for 2 years, we have been living together for five, I have a good job, the salary of which I have always shared with him. We are both under 30 and we have not fully settled yet, he does not always find a suitable job, but I have always supported him and I have supported him and paid for the accommodation during the time he was unemployed. Now he started in a new place, and in a short time there, he managed to fall in love with his colleague and dump me, given that they are not even together.

 

She has a boyfriend and mine have not been together as lovers. I was out of work for a month and during that time we rarely heard or wrote to each other, he justified himself with his shift work, but I felt that something was wrong. When I returned to him, I searched the messages and found a chat in which he wrote with his colleague about her, what they talked about when he sent her away after work or how her hair smelled when he approached her. I don't know anything about her, they don't have friendship on Facebook or at least her number. Their relationship is more than platonic, I don't know if it's because of me or her friend.

 

When I pressed him for the messages, we quarreled fiercely, he said I was crazy, insecure and didn't want to see me, I had changed, I wanted peace ... he left and didn't come home all day, and I knew he was night shift and I would definitely find it there. I waited for him to come and finally when I saw the car, I saw that She was in it !! I got hysterical, but I didn't have the strength to argue with her, I aimed straight at him, I screamed like crazy, but he hid in the locker rooms, and his colleagues wouldn't let me continue. I don't even remember how I got home.

 

After work, he came home to me, but only to pick up his luggage and we haven't talked for days. I try to reach him, but he ignores me everywhere. We had a very happy and harmonious relationship, we never quarreled, he understood me about the long absences and I always trusted him. None of our friends can believe the situation, and the mistress in question cannot even be called one in the classical sense of the word! I had plans for my whole life with this man, and he behaves as if he was never mining and we never loved each other ...

Answers 15

1
alyssa_royale answered · July 09, 2020
I sincerely sympathize with you, I bit my lip a few times in anger. It just doesn't fit my head how such bastards can exist. See, it's worth looking for explanations. He dumps you in a super brutal way, hiding like a mouse. It's not fair, it's not, but fate will give it back to him. I guess how much it hurts you, don't give up and don't be humiliated by looking for an account. You will not receive an answer. If he was a commodity, he wouldn't talk to you like that. Look ahead and that's it!
2
mattdrinkz answered · July 09, 2020
Your fiancé liked another woman. It's not an honor for him not to be a man, to tell you in plain text and to leave. You also chose a nasty way to clarify things, what is this digging in his messages ?! How do you go to meet him at work, how do you raise scandals like that ?! Don't you have self-esteem? What do you think you will achieve ?! I just can't believe what I'm reading! I'm sorry, but this wasn't the love of your life. Leave him alone, to live the life he wants, and you can only make plans for yourself. Life goes on, good luck!
3
helll_kitty answered · July 09, 2020
I understand how difficult it is for you, but believe me it's good! Better that he has now shown how low he is, and not after one or two children !! I, if I was so, would catch my eye that I would never want to hear and see him. Are you looking for an account for him? Leave him and do not expose yourself, have dignity!
4
kinder_penguin answered · July 09, 2020
There is no scary sooner or later everything comes back.
5
kami_weng answered · July 09, 2020
But people 7 years of cohabitation ... on the 3rd the baby doesn't appear and the wedding things fail and now you will have to start building trust and connection with another again, from the beginning. I just have no words, what have you been waiting for? For 3 years you failed to judge whether it works or not and waited so far to judge whether the 7th was a nice girl? I understand how you feel, you can't breathe! But you do it yourself, wait for 10 years and then start building 10 years again with another, you are not 18 years old to be early ....
6
babybenzz answered · July 09, 2020
It's good when you get to him what. Forgive things and move on. Even rejoice that it happened now and not with 2 children at home and only. Rethink the situation and realize that this is not the person for you. Maybe someone much more aware of him is waiting for you.
7
realmochagoddess answered · July 10, 2020
Nasty, ugly, disgusting, but common ... Maybe there was alienation before he saw the colleague in question. The problem is not in her, it is not her fault. She could have been a completely different woman with the same success. The point is that he was already ready to sink into another and it was only a matter of time before it happened. I will join the comments that you acted terribly stupid and were very humiliated. I understand that you love him and you are ruined, but such scenes only harm you. Like nothing now you are crazy, and he is the lucky one who got rid of you. There is nothing you can do, the relationship was perfect only in your eyes. The very fact that he has gathered his things so quickly and does not want to communicate with you is terribly telling. Apparently, just because he hadn't met another stopped him from breaking up. It's nasty to say it, but it's naive to have "plans for your whole life", to idealize to infinity, etc. People leave, fall in love with others, whatever happens. Rely mostly on yourself, you are your best friends. In the end, we only have ourselves. This is usually learned the hard way.
8
doodler_1234 answered · July 10, 2020
You really have to leave him. Neither he nor his explanations are worth it. Platonic or not, he is in love with another woman and that should be enough to end this humiliation. You've been spectacular, but whatever it is, look ahead and don't look for it in the world anymore. You are not on the way to undermining your dignity like that. Be above things, the good is yet to come!
9
xxdaedraxx answered · July 10, 2020
Better now than to be married and have a child. And you have the right to read things to him, so you have lived together, cooked, cleaned, etc., and he does not have the courage to tell you? !! You will feed him, water him, share a bed and a common meal, and he will fly his flag with a colleague. Hey, such men deserve to be like them, to drive them to hell. You've wasted years on one, that's all. When he plays with her, he will start apologizing and roaring. People are very mean creatures, they think that everything goes wrong and is forgotten.
10
brokestraightjames answered · July 11, 2020
It turned out to be very unpleasant, but you have to accept that nothing in life is certain. One cannot even be sure whether he will still be alive tomorrow. Accept what is happening with a smile and move forward without looking for an explanation. This just wasn't your man. Apparently all the great plans for the future were only in your head. You smile, you learn your lesson and you continue to live your life. I am almost 100% convinced that if you suddenly stop looking for him, soon (when the story with the colleague dries up) he will look for you to ask you to take him back. Do not do it. From what you're describing, your friend doesn't look like a man to me. If you forgive him, you will regret it again in the long run. The world does not suffer from a lack of men, just find another.
11
crystalhughess answered · July 11, 2020
I've been through something like this, I know how you feel. My eyes watered as I read. Conclusion: do not trust anyone and do not expect anything from anyone.
12
pooldate19 answered · July 11, 2020
He was not punctual to you, but your behavior speaks volumes. You're done, what are you looking for and shouting at him and exposing yourself to people? Many women will stand behind you here, but these same women, when they fall in love, do the same nonsense ... Just because you had plans doesn't mean he shared them. It is not pleasant to live with a person who has decided to build your life in his way - you have paid for both, you work for a better job - these things affect the relationship negatively, because at some point you start to behave as dominant. My advice to you is to turn your back on everything and continue your life.
13
alexa_and_jake answered · July 12, 2020
From the beginning, when describing the situation with you, it seemed to me that there was something very rotten in this man. First, what is this man who lets his wife support him? Don't let a man stand anymore. Most of them are either complicated by the fact that the woman earns more, or it becomes something like a child that his mother supports him. Don't deal with them. I've come across such "suckers", they can't do anything on their own, they expect you to beat them forever and in the end they leave them for another. Look for a person at your level and income !! For the latter, some will condemn me, but every man wants to feel like one, no normal person allows his wife to support him and be his mother. It is one thing to lend him 1-2 times and not huge sums, but it is another to be his mother. Run away from such people, they are not serious and you can see what is happening now. How do you imagine such a person to be the father of your children? One day he will dump you alone with them for the first meeting! She sees his colleague for sure and I don't think she will leave her boyfriend if he is there. Run with 300 of them!
14
jinxybooh answered · July 12, 2020
I read 13 comments and I don't understand why no one asks the question whether the author's fiancé was really in love with his colleague or are these some intrusions of the author? Suppose he only sympathized with the colleague in question, he wrote to another colleague some things like how beautiful and similar she is, but this is not infidelity, nor does it mean that he is in love with her. However, after all the fairs organized by the author, especially the one in front of his office and all his colleagues, almost any normal man would smear his skis ... I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, the facts presented in the story are only that the author has read a few lines that may mean nothing, and that she saw them go to work together, which also means nothing in itself. I think that the author's actions are extremely hasty and wrong in such a situation as her own reaction. He just had to wait a while and see if anything would happen or if they would just be left with a collegial relationship.
15
witchyweird answered · July 12, 2020
I became convinced that at such a moment there are no words to calm a person. And words like, forget it and things like that only complicate things in the beginning. Don't look for it, ignore it, no matter how hard it is! I wish you to quickly forget everything, although such an insult is forgotten !? And most of all to be healthy and everything to be in order.
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