For the first time I am writing on this site and I hope to find help. I am 14 and this year after less than 2 months I am 15 and for these almost 15 years I have not lost my shyness. I'm afraid to talk to people, because if I say something stupid they will laugh at me and tell everyone. I've always been bullied at school because of this. I have changed a lot of schools so far and nowhere have they accepted me as I am. I have been subjected to physical and mental harassment (especially) and I am still somewhat harassed but the new class is different from the old ones and I am less harassed. Mom is friends with the mother of a girl from my school who is 10th grade. The girl is very smart and kind, but when I see her in the corridors I am ashamed to say anything to her. Not only am I with her, I am with everyone. My mother tells me to greet people, because if I don't, it will be rude and rude. When I was little as a child, I was so confident and easily made new friends, but I was bullied and that obviously changed me.
Maybe it's not just because of ridicule that I became one, because I have problems with my father who is an alcoholic and I'm not important to him. When I was little, because ours are divorced, I went to him for another week or month (as per the protocol). I hated being with my father, because when I made white people without wanting to, he scolded me a lot. I always hid from him somewhere and cried for hours and I kept thinking about how I wanted to go to my mother and hug her, because she realized then that every child is white and I don't mind. Apparently, this has also been a factor in my fear of talking to people. I really hate this problem of mine. I have no social phobia, because at least in the store I can easily order whatever I want. Just talking to people out of fear not to say something wrong, I stutter and my hands start sweating. At school, because I do not answer the questions, I am about to finish with lower grades than the 1st term. Even the teachers are disappointed in me (they don't know about my fear) and didn't expect me to fail like that. I've been pretty depressed lately because I can't make normal contact with people, I fail everywhere and everyone is disappointed in me. I want to cry, but I don't want my mother to know about my problems.
I have 3 girlfriends and we have more or less the same problems with one of them. I'm always sad at school because of this and I know it's stupid but I'm a sensitive person who thinks too much about everything bad. I'm thinking of visiting a psychologist and talking to him. I really want everything to stop. I tell myself every day that I will be more confident but I am the same. The worst thing about my character is that when I come home from school and my mom makes me nervous, I start behaving the way they treated me at school (very rudely) and then I'm very sorry. Can I get rid of this problem of mine? Will I get better if I talk to a psychologist or will I be such a loser forever?
1 mirandafest answered
And so I am, things get better over time. Don't think about it if you say something stupid, people think mostly about themselves, others don't care much what you say, etc. Don't worry.