I'm Thinking Of Suicide

Hello ... I'm a girl of 15 and yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. I know that you will say that I am only 15 and that I will have many more connections, but ... Oh, this topic will become long. I'll start from the beginning! My mother died when I was two, and my grandmother when I was 5. My father found another woman they didn't think of, but she didn't like you, and I was constantly abused, and both my daughters did tricks on me by putting their things together. in my room and they told me I had stolen them, and I was too young then to realize what was happening. Several times they trusted my aunt "that's what I say to my stepmother" and I soon regretted it. This forced me not to trust anyone! And yet ... I met him ... and while I was dealing with him I had a friend who gave everything for me and I acted terribly stupid ...

I know, but ... anyway the question is that .. . he always wanted me to trust him and I trusted him ... but I said I can't leave my boyfriend at least not now because he needs me ... at first there was no problem with that, but .. he suddenly he pulled away from me and .... he finally fucked me because he said he couldn't look at me with anyone else. This happened ... No more than 2 hours after I gave him my full trust. I cried a lot, we talked to him on the phone for a long time ... I shouted, cursed .... they blame themselves and him .... and ... I dumped my veins, he was very scared for me and I just refused to fight for him if he doesn't want me ... and after 2 days he started writing to me again and I didn't understand how but we got along .... a month later I left my boyfriend and left with him. And now ... a month later he left me ... and I trusted him again. He's a very punctual boy I don't hate him I don't blame him he still has family problems and our relationship weighed on him ... he wants air as he put it .... I blame myself for everything, because if I was strong enough to make him happy ... maybe it would be another cell. My problem is that he told me that he has a chance to return, I will wait for him, but I do not understand why he did not leave me 3 days ago when I wrote to him specifically on this topic .... he told me he wants to be always with me. .. and yesterday he told me that he has not been feeling well for a week ... I will give him the air he wants ....

I am afraid he will not return, however. I know I'll go through it and find someone else, but I don't want someone else ... it's easier for him to give up because we're fighting, and he doesn't want us to try to get better ... and be together. .. I don't know anymore ... I can't stand it ... My father goes out and drinks nobody cares about me .... he was my only peace of mind .... and he's gone ... . I imagine how I come home, my father is out and I have no one to share with ... we remained friends, but I can't share with him as before, because he will get really tired of me .... I want to I died ... this site may be my last salvation ... I ask the editors to upload my story .... thanks in advance! Please help me!