Lately, I have started to think about this problem more and more often and I realized that there is not a single person with whom I enjoy meeting and talking. I don't have any friends. I haven't been out with anyone in years, not even for a coffee, except for rare family occasions or occasional outings with my brother. It bothers me because having friends is very important. When a person spends most of his time alone, he only begins to think many things one-sidedly, and finally begins to convince himself, very often in the wrong direction. It is important to have friendships, acquaintances, contacts for many reasons. Learning different points of view (correct or not), you receive trusted information, opinions about yourself. Looking back, I think that this behavior and condition is rooted a long time ago, back in high school. By seventh grade, I had a lot of friends from different companies. Subsequently, I moved to study in another city, in a profiled class. As I realized much later, it was artificially created and without exaggeration I can say that I was almost the only person who was interested in the specialty and had goals to develop professionally in this direction. Besides, I was the only student from another city, and now I think that my other classmates looked at me as a stranger because they had enough local friends and, I guess, they didn't see the point in developing a relationship with me. There were other factors. In those years, chalga entered and became the fashion of mass taste. I had little money at my disposal, which led to the fact that I had an unsightly appearance and almost no opportunities for cafes and discos. For these reasons, my contacts with peers were only in the classroom. Then there was no internet, smartphones. Little by little, I got used to being alone and gradually and imperceptibly perceived loneliness as something normal. No one invited me for any reason, and I did not have the courage or initiative to do the same. Then this was transferred to the university. Accustomed to being alone from the previous few years, I stood alone and did not start dating anyone. I instinctively declined the few invitations to me. In general, almost none of my fellow students wanted to be in the company of an inconspicuous young man from a small town in the countryside, it was not prestigious. After the first one or two semesters, groups of friends formed, from then on I graduated almost entirely on my own. Now I realize that in these places and in those years I had to be more active in communication. To go through friendships, love relationships. For me in this regard, however, these periods passed impersonally and to no avail. I lacked self-confidence and this led to a hidden fear of communication. I was embarrassed by my modest appearance. By nature I am more or less introverted, straightforward, honest. In many cases, I'm too outspoken, which sometimes seems clumsy in people's eyes, or it just makes them lose the respect they may have had so far, or they consider me a person who reveals himself too easily and naively and can be manipulated. Over time, these reactions of people and my inability to change, made me reserved, suspicious and passive about new acquaintances. I never wanted to fit into a particular company. I don't understand how to be interesting to another person, no matter a woman or a man, because I don't enjoy almost anything on my own. In a broader analysis, I can point out that nothing makes me happy and nothing saddens me. My life is calm, but also monotonous. I have no hobbies and I do not pursue professional goals. I have been used to my work for a long time, the projects come and go automatically. Now, from my position of more conscious analysis, I understand that many of my problems, failures and lack of serious direction are rooted in my inability to make contacts. I have always missed an environment of acquaintances, friends and contacts. I always find myself in an environment where I am not quite in place. An environment in which I have no desire to develop and achieve goals. So it was at school, then at university, and in my subsequent work. That way I can't gain confidence. Because having self-confidence means doing something that makes sense. All this affected my love life, which I really do not have and have not had. I have never been the object of special attention, I missed the rare cases that opened before me due to incompetence and fear of failure. I experienced various disappointments or, more precisely, unrequited loves, from which I lost all sense that it was possible to have a relationship with a girl. It's hard to have a girl next to you if you don't have a friendly environment. It is clear that girls and women do not like loners. I wish I had a better social life, to have friends, boyfriend. But even if a girl takes an interest in me, how do I explain the emptiness from so many years to now? To invent everything, to lie? In my opinion, he will find his way quickly. I have never been to discos, to house parties, to the seas. Just a big nothing in my social life. Of course, I went on trips abroad, for example, but in almost all cases alone. Outside a specific social environment, it is very difficult to make new contacts. I go out, I go to social events, I go to the gym. But everywhere people go with their company, with friends, with partners. To them, I am a lone stranger, a lone stranger, and, understandably, no one wants to deal with one after having other close people. Sometimes I wonder if my life has developed this way, because of my inner qualities, or I have built those qualities because of external factors that have influenced me so far. Maybe in the end the truth is a mixture of both. It's hard for me to develop a conversation, I don't understand how to get closer, I "sniff" with a person. My acquaintances are superficial and in some "critical" situations I understand that my close people are loyal and closer to another person. Honestly, I don't know how I can change anything significant, now that I'm 30 years old. I hope that the confession made does not sound too negative or confusing. I am not severely depressed by all this, but I understand more and more that I need a change to a socially active life. But I don't know how it can be based on the past so far. I will be happy for opinions and advice. however, I understand more and more clearly that I need a change to a socially active life. But I don't know how it can be based on the past so far. I will be happy for opinions and advice. however, I understand more and more clearly that I need a change to a socially active life. But I don't know how it can be based on the past so far. I will be happy for opinions and advice.
1 kindsweet answered
Very sincere confession. Unfortunately, the problem is very deep and I don't think it can be solved with anonymous advice. I would recommend you, if you have the financial means, to visit a psychologist and share with him what you share here.