I'm Pregnant, And I Don't Know If I'll Be Able To Have A Second Child

The Story

Last night I found out I was pregnant. Our son is 1 year old. and 4 months, and I just turned 29 years old. Everything is fine at home, we have no financial problems, I have help from the grandmothers when I ask them. But I am afraid. After giving birth to our son, I had a terrible postpartum depression. It was caused by the fact that I failed to finish my higher education, I have 1 year left. I felt like a simple woman, I constantly think that I will not achieve anything and my child will not be proud of me. I also became insanely jealous. I did not leave the child. We hadn't separated for 10 months, I didn't trust anyone. Then I stopped him and maybe the hormones came into place and calmed down. I started to leave it for a day with a grandmother, we went on vacation only with my husband. I enrolled in a driving course, started playing sports regularly, found a suitable private nursery and decided to enroll in university again this fall. And I even enrolled in a language school in October. Now that I know I'm pregnant, I don't think I'm going to make it. I don't think I'll be able to finish again. I can't be happy. I feel like I'm just starting to live for myself. By no means do I want to convey that I recommend for the mother to be inactive, but that is exactly how I feel about sacrificing myself. I have examples in my life of parents who accuse their children of not achieving something ... And I don't want to be one of them. Even right now, my emotions are harmful. I don't know what to do. My husband is very happy, very much. In addition, we have been hearing for 4 years that I have clogged fallopian tubes and it is impossible for me to get pregnant. I first got pregnant 3 months before the in vitro date. After I gave birth, I was told that my pregnancy was a miracle, one in a million, and I was unlikely to get pregnant normally again. BLA blah, here I am pregnant again. On the other hand, I should not ignore the fact that I really may not have another chance. And I want more children, I just want to finish, to have achieved something for myself. I am very confused. I have the feeling that in 3 years it will be too late to realize myself professionally. It may be nonsense, it may somehow manage to end up pregnant if the little one goes to the nursery, I don't know. It seems crazy to me ...

Last Updated
September 03, 2020
Author:
markbmusic

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