Hello! My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Before him, I also had a long-term relationship, from which I left with a broken heart after several infidelities. When we met, I did not believe that it was possible for such a wonderful person to exist. He is one of those people who are always smiling, happy, loved by everyone ... the soul of the company. From the very beginning, I saw that this was the man for me. We spent hours talking, laughing, he was constantly giving me little surprises like making something himself, taking me somewhere secret, coming to us without telling me, etc. He became the most important person for me. , my closest friend. Over time, things calmed down, there are no more homemade cookies to appear in our country, no more conversations until the early hours, no more impulsiveness and romance between us. We continue to spend a lot of time together, but it's just not the same anymore. I no longer feel any interest from him, except purely physically. At other times we can lie down and be silent, he can play on the phone and that's it. When the topic is raised that there is no more romance between us, usually the answer is to find someone more romantic when I'm not happy. In general, he became lazy towards me, but this is not what bothers me the most. Basically, he never knew how to deal with my feelings. When he was upset about something, he always just looked away without even trying to calm me down, but lately things have become such that he started screaming at me when I was upset, leaving me alone and turning his back on me. Now when she tells him that something is bothering me, she doesn't try to listen to me and talk, she just tells me not to care. The question is, that my greatest sorrow is my relationship with my family. I grew up with only one parent and never received love, parental caress, never heard "I love you" or "I'm proud of you." Usually for me even the holidays have always been a hint that you have to spend money on a gift for me, and I never wanted anything but love. When I feel sad about these things, he usually says to stop talking to my family, to abandon them and other extremes, but in reality I try to blind our relationship and even if I don't see love, to give it. We had a huge debate about that today. I wanted to go and see my mother, and he had to take me, but we lingered and they looked at their watches to see exactly how late we were. He started arguing with me about how I'm just in a hurry, which is not true, I just hate to be late. We got in the car where I tried to explain to him that we had agreed on dinner time and that's why I wanted to leave on time, but it started with nonsense on his part and what hurt me a lot was that he said something like I can't make her love me and I better not try. I collapsed, I was so upset because he knows how much it hurts me to lack parental love, and instead of encouraging my attempts to achieve that, even after years, he tells me not to try. I cried, and he shouted at me not to cry, we were already in front of us and he just said to me "Here, you're already here, that was your goal," he left me in front of the block and left. I don't understand how it is possible for someone to change so much. From a man who gave everything for me, he became so indifferent. It mostly weighs on me how rude he is to me when I'm upset instead of reassuring and supporting me. I no longer feel like my support, like my best friend. I already feel like an obstacle in his life. I feel so tense to be constantly careful what I say, do, etc., so as not to upset him. Not that he gets aggressive when he gets angry, on the contrary, he shuts up and leaves and leaves me alone in ignorance of what I did wrong. Then he returns and waits for me to apologize for his mistakes. And I do it because I don't want to lose it, but I realize that I live with the idea that it will happen as before. I guess he won't look for me now, he never looks for me and he doesn't apologize after we quarreled. I've tried to talk normally when things calm down, but he always knows his and can't change his mind, and hence the attitude. He's just waiting for me to say I was wrong, and things are getting back to normal. I'm tired, I don't want to lose him, but I don't even know how to talk to him normally anymore. What to do? I will be happy for advice.
1 alyjen answered
I think you're an energy vampire. Why someone else needs to be constantly engaged with your feelings. Not that he shouldn't care at all, but that way you always make a sacrifice and burden him. It is normal after 3 years things are not as in the beginning. No one is obliged to create happiness for you if you yourself cannot