I'm Madly In Love With A Girl.

I am a boy of 14 years. I've written here many times, but now I really just want to share it with someone somewhere. I'm madly in love with a girl. She supposedly knew it, I had told her at the end of the school year (ie June). Although I was very worried and said almost nothing of what I wanted, it is supposed to have ruined the main thing. She pushed me away - she said that she wanted us to remain friends or not to spoil our friendship. I was pretty naughty, I was constantly thinking about her, I dreamed of her, it just didn't come out of my head. And so the summer began. I was distracted by this, I was thinking about her again, but we hardly saw each other (not to mention at all). By the end of the summer, I had almost forgotten her, but I was still thinking about her. I forgot to mention above that she has a boyfriend who is 17 or 18 and she is 14 (as much as I am). I don't understand such relationships, Is it so that an 18-year-old boy can't get a girlfriend his age or something is wrong with me and I'm doing something wrong I'm always careful, kind and straight and most of my age have 20 year old boyfriends! Anyway, to return to the thought, the force is almost over and I thought about it again, but not so much. And we started school ... and guess what. It hit me in the head again. I don't stop and I don't stop thinking about her! I just can't have another dream with her in which we hold hands in class and hug. Maybe that's what my subconscious wants, and I want it myself. But I know I will never be with her. I don't know, I just think so. Sometimes when I look at her and she looks at me with such a look, it's a bit like she likes me or I happened to look at her and she looks away from me or I look at her and we look at each other for a while before one of us to smile and look somewhere as if the other had not looked before! But sometimes it seems to me that there is nothing and we are just ordinary friends and nothing else. Otherwise we are really good friends, but that's all. I can always ask her for a favor and I know she will do anything. At least at the level of friendship, nothing more. I do not know what to do. Do you think that she still thinks I like her or does she think that everything has disappeared like that ...? I hope she feels something for me because I really love her and it never leaves my head. I just wanted to share it with someone, and I didn't want it to be her. I'm just not sure how she will regret it, she can wash in my face and think that I'm kidding her, does anyone know .. !! >> ПлОдчо