Hello. This is my first topic, I hope to be able to express myself more competently than usual. My story is the following - I am a boy, 21 years old, who has lost faith in love. 4 and a half years ago everything started - I met Ya. Naturally the time stopped - a year, two, three .. And slowly the time began to notice. For all this time we shared, we parted maybe 30-40 times, I'm not trying to be witty, just life gave us that. All 30-40 separations were on her initiative - I'm not saying that I didn't cause them in any way, it's clear that something is wrong, but anyway, it's gone. I have always loved her very much. None of these separations weighed on me as much as the last - We were in the summer together on a brigade abroad, and on departure we were both aware, that this is our last chance (most likely) to iron out at least a large part of the problems in our relationship. It didn't work out - a lot of things went through both of our heads, we experienced a lot together - mostly negative moments. I don't feel it brings us closer in any way. After the brigade we would live together, try again and again and again. Like previous initiatives to reunite and improve relationships, this one was mine. We didn't live together. The scandals were twice as many as the understandings. We no longer kissed, we lost intimacy. A week later, she broke up with me, once again. I don't know if it's time for him, if I've obviously been confused for a long time what to do, if I should let her go on, as he wants so much to be without me. Eventually I gritted my teeth, cried what I had, didn't go home for about a week, in addition to sleeping, I tried to walk, mostly alone, so that it would pass me by little by little, as I had a 10-kilometer piece of asphalt stuck in my throat. I signed up for a gym, I started exercising twice a day, to get distracted, not to suffer so much, I don't want to fall into some kind of impasse. I think I was more or less on my feet in 20 days. However, obviously I was not such a bad friend - the girl admitted to me that she loves me, that I miss her, that she can't do without me.
I WAS SHOCKING-I found meaning again in my gray everyday life, I didn't have nightmares, I didn't sleep 2-3 hours a day, I tried to emerge-AND SHE APPEARED IN MY LIFE AGAIN. Of course I let her in, which I guess I'll pay for. Now I have before me the question - "no answer", that is, the question to which I know the answer, but I do not seem to like it. How can I tell this girl that I still love her, that I miss what we had, but his time has passed and we will not love each other as unreservedly as before? How can I stop wondering if I should believe in this failed relationship? How can I convince myself that something will come out when I don't believe it will happen, and if it does, I don't know if I will be able to appreciate it. How can I convince myself that this separation will be the last, and not just a terrible cycle of adjustment of the characters, which lasted so long, doomed to failure?
It's hard for me to express myself, I apologize if someone is bored or has a headache - it hurts a lot more, believe me. I was really lost. that it will happen, and if it does, I don't know if I will be able to appreciate it. How can I convince myself that this separation will be the last, and not just a terrible cycle of adjustment of the characters, which lasted so long, doomed to failure? It's hard for me to express myself, I apologize if someone is bored or has a headache - it hurts a lot more, believe me. I was really lost. that it will happen, and if it does, I don't know if I will be able to appreciate it. How can I convince myself that this separation will be the last, and not just a terrible cycle of adjustment of the characters, which lasted so long, doomed to failure?
It's hard for me to express myself, I apologize if someone is bored or has a headache - it hurts me a lot more, believe me. I was really lost.
1 kristina_liandry answered
Well, it will happen again. You are wondering how to convince yourself that this time will be really good ... But at the same time you realize that there is no real point in winding yourself up. And you're right that all this leads to a reservation. If she hurt you, every time you see her, you'll remember. I don't know what she did, whether there were infidelities, humiliations towards you, etc., but from experience I tell you that these things are pounding ... :( Why don't you try to meet more people? I'm not saying to be you find a boyfriend, but just flirt, to live, sex for one night, this or that ... Do not voluntarily doom yourself to a perhaps really impossible relationship, think about yourself and whether you did not give more than you received.