Before I share my story: Thank you to everyone who will read it, even though it is a bit long. And please spare the offensive comments! I am a 15 year old girl. I'm in love with another girl, 22 (C). And yes, I'm really confident in my feelings, I love her, it's not just a hobby. I'm not one of those people who likes this and that, in principle I don't like people as a species, but that's another topic. I first saw her 11 months ago. The first thing I noticed were her deep brown eyes and her warm gaze; her beautiful, tender smile; her deep, conquering voice. I couldn't remember my own name. Even then I realized that this girl is special, but I still did not realize how far all this will go. Over the next few months, I thought about her more and more often, dreaming of her almost every night. Then I realized what was happening and even though I knew I shouldn't fall in love with her, there was nothing I could do to stop those feelings. Towards the end of last year, I fell into a terrible depression. I didn't want to eat, go out or anything. My best friend, who was the only one familiar with the situation at the moment, tried in every way to improve my mood, but without success. When she finally convinced me to tell (C) what I was feeling, I sent her a message on Facebook. She was amazed, at first she didn't even believe I loved her, but she accepted it better than expected. I thought she would laugh at me, but she said it was "sweet" and wanted to meet in person, to talk. (She hadn't seen me because we're from different cities and the few times, when I managed to get to her I was afraid to talk to her and just watched her from a distance. ) We talked in the dark completely abstracted from the situation. I hoped it would pass, as those familiar with my feelings told me it would. In the end, we decided to see each other. This would take place in a club in Sofia. (None of us live in Sofia). My parents, who did not know why I wanted to go to Sofia so much, still agreed. My father gave me money, and my mother came with me (I was little to walk around Sofia alone). When I saw her, I saw her legs move, but I gathered my strength and approached her. When she saw me, she covered her face with her hands, smiled, and hugged me, so hard. It was the longest hug in my life. I never wanted to let her go. Then we kept talking about the days gone by, I fell in love more and more and became more and more confused. Now I don't know what's going on. Feelings are mixed. Simultaneously with the smile on my face, tears appear when I see her. I want her to be happy, but I also want her to be with me, and she doesn't help me much. I don't know what to think. She calls me a "princess", asks me personal questions ... One night, I don't know how she found out that I was actually in a constant depression. It was 2 in the morning, but she refused to go to bed until I told her how I actually felt. And at the same time there are cases when I do not respond to my messages for days, sometimes longer. She says she didn't know what to say and that she was like "hit by a truck". At the same time, I am failing more and more. I love her more and more. I can not sleep. According to a doctor, I have fallen into "clinical depression" and I suffer from neurosis (brain disease triggered by a place, person, or event). I often drink a lot of alcohol, sometimes I smoke weed, and lately I desperately need sleep, which I am almost completely deprived of. I have been taking a sedative recommended by a pharmacist for a week now. She said not to take more than one tablet every 12 hours, but last night I was really desperate and took 3 within 4-6 hours. Then I saw her, then I saw (C). When I woke up, I thought it was all a dream, but something hit me. in her "dream" she was with me, and while I was going to open the door I crashed into the corner of the table and a glass fell from it and broke. When I woke up I saw the pieces of the broken glass in a bag under the table and I remembered one of the cellular actions in case of overdose - hallucinations. I love her immensely, but I don't know how she feels. I went too far and from a man without feelings and conscience, who was always with his head held high, I became a wreck. I need an advice! Thanks in advance to those who read all this and who will give me advice! It means a lot to me! -Tiger **
1 skechersindia answered
I'm very confused about the situation around you, but I want to know, do you feel like a homosexual? I mean, have you had such spontaneous feelings about women before or is this your first time? You just didn't give full information, but my advice is to tell your parents (because I guess they don't know). Start sharing your problems and feelings with them a little less, no matter how difficult it is. I guess they don't know about drugs and sedatives either ...? You need to share, not shut yourself in. Do it and you will feel how much easier they will be after that, even if they reproach you, at least you will know that you have poured out your soul and you have nothing to hide. It is foolish to share with a friend and not with your family, because no matter how much they scold you at this point, they will try to help you. No one can spread you and you love her, so don't bind yourself to them if they threaten with such nonsense. Love her. That's all I can tell you. If you are happy with her, then be with her. Give her an ultimatum - either she tells you how she feels about you or you just forget about each other. You are tormented in your agony because of her, and she doesn't seem to care. If she's playing with you, then there's no point in your actions. It's not that there is now. Taking drugs and killing yourself this way is vulgar. This is your biggest mistake. This is a stupid and reckless act. Your family needs to help you, because the friend you share with will not be able to. It is. You are tormented in your agony because of her, and she doesn't seem to care. If she's playing with you, then there's no point in your actions. It's not that there is now. Taking drugs and killing yourself this way is vulgar. This is your biggest mistake. This is a stupid and reckless act. Your family needs to help you, because the friend you share with will not be able to. It is. You are tormented in your agony because of her, and she doesn't seem to care. If she's playing with you, then there's no point in your actions. It's not that there is now. Taking drugs and killing yourself this way is vulgar. This is your biggest mistake. This is a stupid and reckless act. Your family needs to help you, because the friend you share with will not be able to. It is.