I'm Devastated

Hello, since I don't even have anyone to share with anymore, and I'm more than ruined, I decided to write here. I am an 18 year old girl, I will graduate this year. After my last relationship, my life turned into hell. I had a friend with whom we were together for 9 months. It was he who helped me get out of my ex because he was bothering me a lot and I am grateful to him because I didn't know how to get rid of him. In the beginning, everything went great, until one day I fell under the mind of "my best friend" and lied to him. It wasn't infidelity with someone or anything like that, I just lied to him for complete nonsense and I'm very sorry right now. He was extremely upset, but after a while I really proved to him that it would not happen again and I even stopped contacting her. Then everything was old, he even said, that he had regained his trust, though not easily. I pleased him with everything because he always wanted to be his, I called him constantly, he wanted us to hear each other non-stop, I did everything to please him, he also did a lot for me and helped me. At one point he started behaving strangely, I was behaving well, he doubted me out of nowhere, shouted at me and insulted me with words that were very difficult for me. When we quarreled over something small, he humiliated me, did not give me a word to say to him, but made me do nothing, took me to his mother to be and told me what I had done, humiliated me in front of her. Then he began to allow himself to touch me. Although we had some good moments, here the girls will understand me, we very easily withdraw from a boy in this behavior. After that behavior, I stopped and even wanted to kiss him, to sleep with him, I was very repulsed by these things, and I don't think the problem was because of this girl, she just started to show her true character. So a few months passed, in the end I had already decided to leave him, I wanted even earlier, but he apologized to me, shed 2, 3 tears and I immediately forgave the naive. After I finally left him, I went to a boy. I didn't do anything with it, just even I don't know why I went, it was another stupid and pointless idea on my head. The problem is that I took something I shouldn't have taken and he realized that I was there because he was watching me, and I don't think he had to do it, we were still separated. I even had chats on the phone that he had sent when he took them from me, in which I told everything to my girlfriend. He had shown these chats to the whole city and to his whole family. He had recorded me crying, I confess, that I took this thing, you remember what, these recordings were also heard by everyone, it was terribly humiliating for me. He had decided to go to England with a relative of his, to work there, and he claimed that I was the only person who kept him in Bulgaria. That's why one day he wanted us to go out, to understand each other as mature people, because he will be leaving soon, and we supposedly understood each other. A few days later she came to us again, we quarreled because I had told my mother that I was going to the store and not to him, because she knew how he treated me and that he had attacked me, it was normal to tell her that. He took offense, hit me in the eye, spat in my face, it was a nightmare, then said he wouldn't really look for me again. After a few days, I realize that he told my whole class what was not working, almost, that throughout our relationship I cheated on him, he set them up, spread our and my photos, you remember what, he drank for me, that I do some services for money, that's why I deleted my profiles on all social networks. He didn't stop blaming me for everything - that I hurt him, that he gave everything for me and that I ruined everything, that I was complete rubbish and I didn't stand for anything, but what about him? When it hurts me, don't think. And he has a lot of guilt, and he only accuses me of going to this boy, that irritates me the most. And I don't know now when he started school how he will survive there, everyone is terrible, they will ruin me, I'm very worried, he took me out of the biggest garbage in the city, I even think of going to self-study, they will drive me crazy .... What kind of love is that, people? I can't describe how I feel. Please give me some advice on what to do, thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read it.