Hello, everyone. I am a 23 year old woman. I am writing this story with tears in my eyes. It's about my ex-boyfriend, who is 35 years old, divorced, with one child. We were together for 2 years. He is my first big love. We have not lived together, we are neighbors, we live in a building (I'm staying here). I loved him very much - sincerely, purely, childishly. I will not go into details, I will just say that half a year ago he cheated on me with another woman. I finished with him immediately, we stopped all contact. Needless to say, my life collapsed in a minute. It was very hard for me, I was not on my own, but after the first 2 months I started to recover. I didn't suffer anymore, I didn't cry for him, but I still loved him as much as before. It was very difficult for me because, as I mentioned, we are neighbors and I have to see him all the time. Despite everything, I somehow managed to recover and continue to live normally. He hasn't looked for me in the past. All well and good, but 2 weeks ago my phone rang - it was him. I picked it up. When I heard his voice, something inside me seemed to roll over. He wanted to see me, and I foolishly agreed (don't ask me why, and I can't answer). When I hugged him, it was as if all the feelings in me had returned.
Or maybe they never left ... I decided not to open the topic of infidelity, but just to try to start with him. It turned out not to be as easy as I think. I began to have nervous breakdowns. When I spent time with him, everything was ok, but the moment we broke up, I started crying. And so, dear people - I have not stopped crying for 10 days. I don't go to work, I'm depressed, I realize it. I love him even more than before. I feel like I'm having a hard time breathing without him. The sad thing is that even when I sleep with him, I am restless. I startle in my sleep, I can't sleep, I just look at one point and think of a thousand things. I can't believe what a hole I've been in for 10 days. I feel like I'm in a vicious circle that I can't get out of. It's so hard for me, and I don't even know how I deserved this suffering. I don't know if anyone knows the feeling when it's difficult with someone and impossible without them. That's exactly what I am right now. I don't want to hear about other men either. But I realized that I could never trust this man again. I didn't show him that I was suffering, I acted like I didn't really care. I don't want to show him I'm weak. Yes, I am weak and I admit it.
She cries for him like a small child whose favorite toy was taken away. Sometimes I think I can drown in tears. So, dear friends, the hardest part comes from here, and that is that I have to get out of here immediately. I need to find a new place to stay, away from him. If I continue to stay here, I will ruin myself more and more. Our city is small, it is difficult to find accommodation at an affordable price. For several days now I have been reading ads, calling to ask, but to no avail. My parents are in another city, I can't go to them because we don't understand each other (they are divorced). It weighs a lot on me, I have so much to say, but I know it doesn't make sense. On the one hand, I want to pour out my soul to him, but I stop because I know it's pointless. It hurts me so much that I have to leave the person I love in the past because I will never trust him. He does not know about my intentions. I didn't tell him anything, I don't know what to do. I don't even talk to people, I feel like I have a lump in my throat choking me. Only he who has experienced the feeling can understand me. Tell me, how can I find the strength to leave forever? I don't feel like living, really.
Maybe in time I will laugh at myself, but now it hurts indescribably. How to find a way, how to find strength, how to stabilize and be the same smiling and cheerful girl again? Any advice will be helpful, thanks in advance! how to find strength, how to stabilize and be the same smiling and cheerful girl again? Any advice will be helpful, thanks in advance! how to find strength, how to stabilize and be the same smiling and cheerful girl again? Any advice will be helpful, thanks in advance!