Hi, I'm going to start by saying I've always wanted to be a man. Ever since I was a kid, when it comes to that organ, I've been told "are you touching yourself again" (i was caught masturbating once). Briefly... I'm ashamed of my body and I want to change it. I also experienced an attempted rape, and since then I've been afraid to go to a gynecologist. The last time, I inadvertently started shaking my legs, perhaps because I recalled the rape attempt and linked the gynecological examination to repeated rape. The doctor noticed this and asked me why I was shaking. I just can't take up the pose with my legs off... I know... I'm reminded... I'm ashamed. I'm also ashamed that I don't have a penis. It's not fair that men don't have checkups that they have to strip naked. Everyone describes it as a great horror that as soldiers they were undressed in front of many people. What about the women? One time at the hospital, I was undressed in front of three doctors inward plus in front of a woman who was stupid enough not to move her eyes and look at me. She was in her underwear, listening to the tones of her baby, and I had some ball of labia. Maybe he was staring at me because my little labia is actually very big. I hadn't experienced the attempted rape yet. But now? I know it's all my fault because I'm a woman. If I were a man, that wouldn't have happened. I can't sleep at night, I can think of it all the time. I feel humiliated. A couple of times I would have cut my veins or thrown myself out of the window, but I didn't because I didn't have enough courage. I don't know why, but I'm guessing. All of a sudden she's cheerful and then she wants to kill herself. That was the third attempt. When cutting the veins, she survived. I guess she's been through something like this. When I was on the roof of the block next door, I would jump, but I don't have enough courage even for that. It was going to be over in a few seconds. I can't live like this anymore, I can't take it mentally. My psyche is broken. Were the people close to them to help? Nothing like that. It hurts me to blame me for fornication, that I've been looking for it. My cousin told me that if I can't get over it, I'm a weak character. Maybe so, but I really can't get over it. No one supported me. My parents are silent. So in this context, I would like to ask you if this happened to your loved one how would you react? Please write to me gender and age. One person directly told me that he was happy about what I went through. I just want to share what's in my heart and soul. I wish you all the best!
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azwix answered · June 15, 2020
Hi! What you've written is that you're suffering from gender dysphoria/transgender. It is a common occurrence, but unfortunately in Bulgaria it is not very accepted by society. I don't know how old you are, and I couldn't determine whether your desire to be a man is just a phase, but keep in mind that this is the case in many cases and you shouldn't rush the decisions. Self-harm and suicide are by no means the answer. Depression and fear are things that accompany almost all people with your problem. You probably thought about gender reassignment surgery, but first you need to pay attention that in many cases it harms more than it helps. Many of the people who have gone through it regret that they have done it, and even if they are satisfied with the way they look, depression and fear do not go away. Especially if you are going to stay in Bulgaria, you will feel much worse after surgery, as opposed to an America where people are far more tolerant. But I'm not advising you to move to another country, to change your genitals, your name and pronouns. Focus on something else instead of your gender identity. Try to see the positives of being a woman and focus on your career development, your physical health, your culture, your education and everything else you know to be alive. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, you'il be remembered for your deeds, not your gender, and you have to think about it. To meet a better understanding and professional opinion, I advise you to meet a psychologist, especially about the trauma of rape. Good luck to you!
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daman101235 answered · June 15, 2020
Judge the people around you and beware, otherwise only a psychologist can help you.
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dewayne_carter_is_hung answered · June 15, 2020
And what are you ashamed of? It's your body, it's all yours. Nudity under road and over the road, what if someone saw you naked? You must be traumatized now, but this will go away over time.
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urprettygirl21 answered · June 15, 2020
Welcome to ;) club
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alecwinters answered · June 15, 2020
Honey, you've been through a tremendous trauma, and it's good to get help from a psychoanalyst, but I don't know if you can afford it.
What else can I tell you? With this lack of support and stupid attitude, it's not surprising that you feel that way. But you shouldn't! First, being a woman is wonderful, our body is set to take great pleasure. There's no shame in either masturbating or not having a penis. Men also gather to see them urologist, and to check their prostate is mistaken in the anus, which, believe me, does not perceive it as natural. I've been through a lot.
When I was a kid, one of them touched me on public transport. It was really nasty for me, and I remember a lot of time worrying when I was riding, and someone was coming close to me. And I was ashamed, and I didn't even tell anyone. Now it's a distant memory and it doesn't bring me any emotion. He's getting over it!
I think your parents have inflicted some cruel guilt and shame on you, of being a woman, and from there comes much of your suffering, which has been repeatedly reinforced by the attempted rape. If you do not have the opportunity for professional help, look for other ways, forums, institutions. I'm glad you wrote this topic, it's also a step. Know that your life is precious and you shouldn't lose it, and not understanding doesn't mean you have no reason to feel that way. It's struggling, it's worth it, life is wonderful and you don't have to go through pain.
G30
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qieensparks answered · June 15, 2020
Man 30 When I was a little my mother tricked me into going to such a check-up in which a doctor and nurse examined my penis was quite uncomfortable and humiliating. There are moments like this that you just leave behind. I'm sorry about your experience of rape. Your loved ones were supposed to support and comfort you, but we're just living in a time where selfishness and lack of upbringing and empathy are ubiquitous. Accept your femininity, the woman and the man are created to complement each other, and for God's sake, do not kill yourself! Every person born in this world goes through some hardship, sadness, suffering, etc., you're not alone in this, we're all like that.
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slave__girl answered · June 16, 2020
Something I don't understand...
Are you ashamed that you're a woman, or do you want to be a man? The two things are very different.
The shame of being some kind or not someone stems from a lack of love. It's definitely a lack of love, from your loved ones, but you're not the only one, the majority of us haven't received the love that a child needs, so everyone is damaged by it, one way or another, and expresses ourselves in our maturity, in different ways.
But hey, love can be from you to yourself. Look in the mirror in the morning and tell yourself - you're beautiful! Every day tell yourself - I love you! Go to a massage of beauty (non-invasive) procedures, buy new clothes and shoes, jewelry... things to unlock the female in you, exercise, eat healthily - your body will thank, it is your temple for a certain period of time, take care of it, without it, you will not be here.
I think you'il feel better and everything will work out in other aspects because you're going to be willing to develop. I think you feel locked in a body you don't like, not because it's female, but because it's a symbol of weakness, physical weakness, so you have a false desire to be a man, associating the male body with strength, but look... You think that because you have encountered the strength and weakness of these manifestations, but there are situations where a woman can be very strong, and a man can be weak.
There's no privileged gender. There is a spirit, a soul, a body that is placed in a certain configuration for a reason. Learn to live in peace with yourself. All the other thoughts... they are excruciating and stopping your development, and we are on Earth to develop, not to squeak, as happens to many people, including me...
If a man is a book, he is also the pages of the book, scrolling to the next...
Go to the next stage of your life!
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bassprincess answered · June 16, 2020
I recommend you, louise hay's book heal your body. I think your parents are idiots and they don't deserve to have children. You have to get over this psychological trauma, and live on everyone and everything, just don't give a except for those who care about you and love you!