Hello! I am writing here because I have nowhere to pour out my soul. This is the only place where I can safely say everything I generally would not. I am a student, 21 years old and at first glance a completely normal girl. I have a rich social life, I eat healthy, I play sports, I study and my perseverance gives excellent results at university. My life seems perfect, but it's just a thin lining of the horrifying reality. When I was 14 I started to feel the constant need for sex, that's all I had in mind. There were times when I cried because I felt disgusted in my own body. In the evening, when everyone fell asleep, I spent hours groping. Then I decided that I would be complacent and not in a hurry to sleep with a boy. In the beginning, I could exercise some control over myself, but this did not last long. I didn't feel full, I wanted more and more. I couldn't stop. I lost my virginity at 18. Then I slept with a man who was much older. I felt such indescribable pleasure that there are no suitable words to describe. Yes, it was fun, but after we finished I wanted more ... And from that moment on I lost all control over myself. As soon as I get up, my first thoughts are about sex, when I go to the gym it's just in my head, even falling asleep these thoughts do not leave me. I can't get enough of the male body, I always want more. My libido has no bottom. All my connections failed for this very reason. The men enjoyed it only for the first few months, and then more came to them. I went to psychologists, but nothing helped. I feel like a prisoner in my body, I feel weak and helpless in the face of my primary passions. My life has been off track for a long time and it's so hard to hold back. I have a brutal hunger for sex and nothing else. I have tried to refrain, but this only happens for a short period of time, and in the meantime I am nervous, aggressive, sour. I have morals and principles, but there is something stronger in me that I allow to lead me. I've done terrible things, things I wouldn't dare say out of shame. I spent so much time masturbating in front of the computer. I have the feeling that I am spinning in a circle from which I cannot escape. I am tormented because I know and realize what I am actually doing. And it is precisely these thoughts that crush and humiliate me. I tried to take my own life, because I hit the bottom a long time ago and lower than this step ... no! I decided to fight and I will fight it, no matter how crazy it sounds!
1 giselle_blue answered
Find a job and you won't have time for nonsense.