If You Read ..

I will make sure it is not very long, so I will drive it directly. I don't know if I'm looking for help on this site, maybe I'll just share my brief life story with you so far. I'm in my prime (supposedly, but there aren't many left) in my early 20s. I live in Varna and do you know what is one of the nasty things I realize - to go to another city to change the situation, but to understand that there is nothing better than your hometown, then to go back to it and you come to the conclusion that it is an even worse place. It's disgusting - to feel naughty in your hometown and lonely on top of everything. I do not want you to recognize me in most of the banal stories on this site and, unfortunately, obviously common in people, so I will say that I have had some good moments. There are things I'm grateful for, but they can't fill me like that, like others that are missing in most cases. I am difficult to get closer, I want social contact, but I feel that I no longer have the interest and energy for such. I've seen a lot of lower people, it's full of liners and rusks, aggressors and filmmakers. I had the pleasure of knowing guys, but they took their own path, of course I am a backup plan in the lives of most, never seemed to be so important even to most of my friends, and they themselves are even a few .. I thought that when I returned to Varna the gap I had in Sofia would be filled, but alas. I also realized that my happiness always comes from external sources, not from myself. Somehow I'm not enough, as if I always expect others to fill me, I don't want so much social contact for the sake of the people themselves, but for the sake of myself, I just need love (it sounds very gay already, I'm sorry, this with the outings has always seemed mega female to me) I'm a bit worried, I try to hide it in most cases, I put on the mask and play it carelessly as if I don't care about anything it's always a double-edged sword - first, that I'm actually interested in it, be it the opinion of others (not so much anymore, but again to some extent, which prevents me from being influenced by it), etc., second, that from the side for them I look cold, boring and uninteresting, I just can't relax, I'm paranoid that they will talk behind my back and I may seem like a fool to them: D, but in fact I don't even want to be cold, I I am good by nature. I always try to be myself, but half, because I don't have enough strength to continue to be more than half, to be completely myself, I don't care. I overworked my psyche, bad and good conditions change every day, I smoke a lot of weed to fill my holes, I can't sleep without a goat, I need a dose, I don't like smoking, but at least I'm filling up ... I want to to cry because it hurts a lot, I grew up crushed in a teacher, in high school, then calmed down, but I'm still not what I imagined I would be. I'm a dreamer, but I'm starting to wonder - does it make sense? As if nothing can fill me anymore, I'm completely paranoid, I want to get better and I start to like it, but I just want to go to a forest and scream, I want to have no restraints, so I go out and swear, because lately I've been pouring out my anger on the road, as well as the adrenaline, I'm driving like crazy in the streets (I don't do it on purpose, it just comes to me, I know it's stupid) with 80-90 I'm always on the verge of but I do not want to release the accelerator, the feeling is unique and the car makes me happy only for the moment, only it is my salvation.

Now I have the feeling that even my best aver is about to fuck me, and I will not tolerate that, there is a possibility that I will fuck on drugs because I am unstable. Dimaka said it "if you are mentally weak, you are actually weak" and it seems to be true .... Wish me success, I want not to give up, but the batteries of the will slowly stop working ..: ((Life is a bitch really .. One round are dudes, but they are not my such avers, I've always looked for them and so on, but they are only when I get together with my two best, because they are more to this company than I to her ... the others - drug addicts, shakers, a man with a 30-year-old who smokes marijuana and talks to 20-year-olds. How much more dropped can the picture be? :) To shake and use in front of me, maybe I should just change my situation and get out of this fake city with fake people and pseudo-bandits and scoundrels everywhere. Drugs and bullying are in vogue, but I realized this was not my way. I will change the situation and find other friends and live better, but I will still not be full, my problems are many, I will not have a week to write them on this site. That's why if you have read everything, I wish you a good day, you deserve it because of the attention you have given at least for a while. :)) To be alive and healthy! but I realized that this was not my path. I will change the situation and find other friends and live better, but I will still not be full, my problems are many, I will not have a week to write them on this site. That's why if you have read everything, I wish you a good day, you deserve it because of the attention you have given at least for a while. :)) To be alive and healthy! but I realized that this was not my path. I will change the situation and find other friends and live better, but I will still not be full, my problems are many, I will not have a week to write them on this site. That's why if you have read everything, I wish you a good day, you deserve it because of the attention you have given at least for a while. :)) To be alive and healthy!