I Want It To Be Just A Memory

Last summer changed me, I would even say changed me a lot. Before that I was one of the girls who say "sex only after a few months of serious relationship and trust, not before 18" and so on. However, I met a boy. It wasn't love at first sight, I don't even know what it is, but it's a very strong feeling. The boy in question is Ukrainian. At first I said to myself "oh no absurd, I don't like them, nasty and mean people", in general I didn't want to deal with them, and I didn't understand their language. Every time he saw me, he rejoiced like a baby in chocolate, waved at me until his hand was torn off, came and hugged me, tried to talk to me. He stood at my workplace and enjoyed me. I seemed to have caught his attention. One night I met him quite by accident and he was happy again and made me go with him and his company to the 24-hour store. We stopped on a bench after that and at one point we started hanging out - we were tickling, he was lifting me on his shoulders. In general - a savage. And these are my weaknesses. And I said to myself that I actually like him. The next day he came to my workplace again and told me that he had been fired and had to return to Ukraine. And I realized how I had become attached to him in one night. I'm sick of him leaving, and he's obviously interested in me. I told myself that at least I would dare to kiss him before he left, because he was hellishly cute with his blue eyes and pretty face and I didn't want to miss the chance. Well, only the kiss I wanted turned into sex, and more precisely my first time. It was just that at that moment I felt ready and somehow sure I wanted to be with this boy, even though I didn't know him very well. Then followed a week-long romance, if I may call it that. I slept in his bed, reunited with his company, and in the evening, when everyone was asleep, it was time for bedtime performances. I had no basis for comparison, but it was good. Pretty good, he knew what he was doing, where and how to touch me. Then came the day he had to leave. And because of the language barrier, I got things a little wrong and I thought he was leaving in an hour, and he told me he was leaving at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Well, it passed "after 1 hour" and he didn't come to my place of work. I thought "obviously it was just for sex, I'll just remember it as a good memory".

It blossomed in front of me right at 12:40 to say goodbye. He hugged me, kissed me and everything was strong. I waited for him to leave and cried, and I said to myself that I would not do it, because I am hardly who knows what about him. However, my emotions prevailed and I cried for days and I remembered our good moments. Nothing. My Ukrainian left and I tried to replace him. There were a few boys I had a sexual desire for, even one of them looked like him, that's why I tried him - also good in bed, but he just wanted to quench his thirst. Sex with him was terrible, I did not feel pleasure. I didn't feel anything. Two months had passed since the incident with the Ukrainian, but I did not forget him. I thought about him and how everything was perfect with him this week - the kisses, the hugs, even his very presence, I felt comfortable without talking. After that I tried to kiss another boy, but it was awful. It was as if no one could make things as good as he did. Well, summer is over, I returned to my hometown and there is a company full of boys waiting for me (I get a little male wound), and they are all cute. Now it seems to have something to do with one of them, but I can not forget the Ukrainian. Yes, I have sympathy for this boy, but the Ukrainian ... I know I will never forget him, because he was my first, but I did not think it would be so difficult to overcome him and even that hope for next summer. We had written to each other recently and I told him he could come visit me (I hadn't talked to ours yet) and he said he would see about the tickets. A few days passed and he wrote to me, and I did not expect him to take it seriously. Ours never allowed me, which is normal, but my desire to see him is still so strong, and the summer is so far away ... I try to overcome it, but it's as if the fact that he came to say goodbye before he leaves, he turned things around and made my mental separation from him somehow impossible for the moment. It's been four months, and when I start this topic with my best friends, I always cry. I definitely don't want to forget it, but I want this feeling of loneliness and suffering to stop. I want to make it a good memory and nothing more. This is my question to you - How can I "patch" this wound?