I Love Him, I Don't Want To

   Complicated things? Infidelity always complicates and increases problems. And why doesn't he like having sex with you? It is rare for men to refuse such a "coil". Don't think I approve of infidelity.

   What is this superficial love, as it is just horror. Look for it, because it is better to cut you off, which is bad, BUT it will still be better than living in doubt and suffering.

   For me, things are much more serious than one sex ... I don't understand what he wants. He rarely looks for me, when I look for him he always finds some excuses not to be able to see me. As for me, it doesn't matter if we drink only one coffee, let's just see each other, talk. He seems to avoid me, sometimes even passing me as a road sign by intercepting me. But I am also a log - I do not want to pray to me, nor to look for him and insist. I think that once you show interest and they cut without explanation with some visible dumb explanation, there is nothing to push anymore. And he doesn't know how wrapped up he is, because I didn't tell him. He probably knows that I have feelings for him, but he hardly knows how strong they are ... I'm not one of those women who push if they like someone, on the contrary. I always try to hide my emotions towards men, because as in this case they always benefit. I tried twice to talk about our relationship in general, but he didn't want to, obviously he couldn't tell me what he wanted and I didn't want him to feel bad. I want to have it in my life, even if we just have to be good acquaintances. Why are you such men and you run away from serious conversations ... / The author /

   I don't know how you expect us to help you, provided that you neither describe the character of the man in question nor his appearance ...

   I guess I'm married ... so is he. You love it and you want it because you can't have it for yourself. It was just sex, without prior arrangement .. in the beginning more regular .. after a while less often .... calls too ... in the beginning more frequent .. then not so much .... you fell in love because of the nice sex .. you noticed the gleam in his eyes, his changed look with which he looks at you before the real part of sex .. and you thought that he also feels something towards you ... you are disappointed now with his behavior .. right .. no time, there is always work .. you are jealous of him .. you are tormented by the thought that he is not so busy and there is another ... if a small part of it is true .. then it is time to accept things as they are ... let go let him go from your heart ... don't judge him, don't blame him .. but also stop looking at his profile on Facebook (if you do) .. don't care what he does,

   Number 6 hit right in the top ten. I think you are absolutely right! I know I have to end all this, but my heart does not listen to the mind, I have tried thousands of times to stop thinking about it, but it does not work. I don't want to be comfortable with him when he decides he wants me. Enough. I just need to close the page and not look back. He doesn't deserve me. Next time he looks for me, I'll tell him not to look for me anymore ... no matter how naughty

   To number 5. I don't know what his appearance matters. But I will share - it's nothing special. He is a completely normal man, he is nothing special than the others. About the character - in principle he is quite sociable, he behaves flirtatious with women in general, only he treats me badly and sometimes even rudely ... He is never nice to me, probably because he knows that I like him. Now, writing these things, I think and I feel sad for myself. I consider myself a good person who never does anything that would hurt others. And as if I get the form of what I give ... I don't know why it happens like that. For sex to add - I think we did very well, so far I have not felt that way with anyone. Probably because of that I fell in love ... Which means it's not the love I thought it was ... For family relationships yes, I'm married. I don't go into much detail, but my husband often travels and is absent, sometimes for long periods of time. Not that it justifies me ... not at all. I pay the price for the mistake crammed. I didn't have to give in at all, but it's a fact. There's nothing I can do. I just want to stop feeling for this person ... but I don't know how, because over time, although I don't see him often, things get worse. :(

   Don't blame yourself for anything. Do not regret anything. You should have experienced this. Everything that happens to us in life is ... because that's how it should be. This man just had to cross your path ... and at a certain point in time ... neither sooner nor later. I guess you're blaming yourself .. you're sorry .. and it must have crossed your mind that it's better to never meet him, not to know him ... don't, don't do this to yourself. That will only make you suffer more. And it doesn't make sense. You become obsessed with it yourself. I'm sure you're a really good person. Emotional, giving your best in every relationship you have had. First of all, forgive yourself ... but really forgive yourself. Then to him. Do not feel hatred, remove negative thoughts. In fact, come to think of it, he's not guilty of anything ... he didn't promise you anything ... it's just like that. Accept it. We are different people. The feelings you think you have about him will be very difficult to deal with. It may just be a hurt ego. But never regret, never. I know it will be very difficult to give it up. Even if you go when you call ... don't sue. Maybe it's not time for him to finish this between you. Try to change your attitude towards things. If you really can't give it up yet, don't. But tell yourself .. it's just sex, he doesn't owe me anything .. I don't expect anything from him. And you shouldn't. If it's hard for you when he calls you to say no ... don't do it, but don't agree to be right when he says it. Say you can't because you have another appointment and tell him the day, if he tells you he can't then ... say ... well, nothing else ... I'll call you. And he hasn't called in a week. Let him wait ... that way you'll show him that you're not really that fascinated by him, if that's what he thought ... never show him with your demeanor that you feel hurt ... even if you he cries, you must always be cheerful and smiling in front of him. And the best and easiest option is to tell him the end of time. I can still write, but it will take a very long time ... I tell you these things, because mine is very close in such a situation. I see her suffering, crying .. I feel sorry for her, I want and try to help her but it happens very slowly .. and she does not hear me, I do not blame her and I am not angry with her .. some time ago, I succeeded to influence her, and she broke off her relationship with him for about a year ... but now, they are together again ... that is, they see each other .. from time to time, when he decides .. she has been with her for six years now .. soever, emotionally at least she is attached to him .... I wish you to be strong, to believe in yourself, not to feel sorry, not to underestimate yourself, to have self-confidence, to smile more, to be happy. And upside down ... the world is not over with this man. From number 6

   Hello number 6. Thank you very much for your time and advice. I thought about what you are saying - that it had to be experienced, but somehow my relationship with this person will remain unlivable for me. I realize that I gave so much for those years, and I didn't take anything ... They say that a person should give without thinking what he will get back, but as if I am always the giver for everything in my life. And I don't want much - just a little love ... I'm probably not destined for someone to love me as I want. The last time I saw him, I behaved quite normally, I asked him how everything was okay, and he never asked me how I was, if I was okay, how I was ... Sometimes I think he hates me for this thing as if I am guilty that things are like that. And the initiative is always his to see each other. I'm not a woman who deliberately seduces men, and to take advantage of their weaknesses. It's just my mistake that I had to talk to him about all this, and I was scared and I never did ... :(

   If you want to receive love, divorce me and find her, what are you sitting here to whine about. You have the courage to cheat, you talk about love, what a sham ...

   Author's quote: "I consider myself a good person who never does anything that would hurt others" Let's look at some good things: The first - you cheat on your husband - before, now, and 10 (6) convinces you not to feel any remorse. No details about the man and the children. Because, probably, your husband "breaks" from work to provide security for the children and especially for you, so that you have time to roll your "naughty" eyes and more! The second - you lure another man - most likely having children. And again loud applause from 10 (6). Third, the children will suffer from all this, a very direct consequence. I guess that the author and number 10 think that - as a secret, there will be no victims, and their conscience is clear. The fourth - there are other children - the one with whom sex is not good! I have one serious suggestion: Sex is not good, then love each other PLATOICLY! And experience the simple things that some have told you. If you do not agree, I will ask who is above us: do not meet me with such "GOOD" women as the author and 10 (6) !!! And I'm number 2.

   I will deviate for a moment from the topic .. you happen to be a Capricorn? In principle, we are like that, especially women, it may not be for us, but if we think of something at all costs, we want and achieve it, we risk even knowing that it is a huge mistake.

   Why is there so much whining, wondering drama. Sex sex. What better way to keep one naked sex. Although I don't see your man supporting you for sex. It will be difficult, impossible for you to adjust to the moments when he wants. You can't just rely on that, do you remember ;-)

   I'm not a Capricorn, I'm a lion. Something I want to say to everyone who accuses me - I never said I was sinless and yet I am a good person. I wanted to share and if anyone can help me how to deal with the situation do it. To have children, two. My sex life is lame with my husband. The other person also has two children, if that matters ... From the beginning I was of the opinion not to break up my family because everyone will suffer and I hoped that it would pass ... I have been hoping for years, but it doesn't happen. I don't sleep with everyone I meet, things are serious for me here, because I've tried everything and I can't forget it, that is, it bothers me and I don't feel well. I hope it does not occur to your mind to tell you one thing, your heart another :(

   Number 2 ... it doesn't foam that much. The author feels remorse, regrets and suffers ... if, by chance, she doesn't understand. If he had shown a little sympathy ... or that word, it's foreign to you. Yes, you will probably say now that she is to blame ... even if that is the case, one learns ... and she herself is sufficiently accused of giving in to it. But again, I say ... he had to go through that. That's how it's written to happen ... do you understand that? Everything in our lives happens for a purpose. Whether you like it or not, once it is written, it will cross your mind. Regardless of good or evil. Abe, it's very easy to judge others and label them. It was pointless to write "you rolled your naughty eyes, seduced another man" ... You really don't think that ... it happens ... as you say. You are far from some things ... very far. And when she cheated on her husband ... what? Isn't she a good person .. she's not emotional, she can't love .. come on. She just fell in love. It's right or it didn't happen ... it's a fact. I agree that there are women who don't choose the men they date and cheat on, they don't care about anything, they don't care about anyone ... they don't even feel bitten. It's up to them whether they will call them and whether they will look for them, because there are others ... there are so many impudent people who demand the man to divorce, and get angry and intrigue ... manipulate, annoy, call ... and etc ... But the author is not one of them. As much as you don't want to. She doesn't look for him, she doesn't bother him ... she doesn't want to marry him and ruin his family. So ... shut up ... Number 6, 10 that there are women who don't choose the men they date and cheat on, they don't care about anything, they don't care about anyone ... they don't even feel bitten. It's up to them whether they will call them and whether they will look for them, because there are others ... there are so many impudent people who demand the man to divorce, and get angry and intrigue ... manipulate, annoy, call ... and etc ... But the author is not one of them. As much as you don't want to. She doesn't look for him, she doesn't bother him ... she doesn't want to marry him and ruin his family. So ... shut up ... Number 6, 10 that there are women who don't choose the men they date and cheat on, they don't care about anything, they don't care about anyone ... they don't even feel bitten. It's up to them whether they will call them and whether they will look for them, because there are others ... there are so many impudent people who demand the man to divorce, and get angry and intrigue ... manipulate, annoy, call ... and etc ... But the author is not one of them. As much as you don't want to. She doesn't look for him, she doesn't bother him ... she doesn't want to marry him and ruin his family. So ... shut up ... Number 6, 10 etc ... But the author is not one of them. As much as you don't want to. She doesn't look for him, she doesn't bother him ... she doesn't want to marry him and ruin his family. So ... shut up ... Number 6, 10 etc ... But the author is not one of them. As much as you don't want to. She doesn't look for him, she doesn't bother him ... she doesn't want to marry him and ruin his family. So ... shut up ... Number 6, 10

   We can always close our eyes to things we don't want to see, but unfortunately we can't close our hearts to things we don't want to feel. Author, in order for this man to be rude or distant from you, you probably hurt him in some way. You hurt him, and that's where all your communication breaks down. You are both obviously too proud and there is no way to understand each other until you swallow your ego and sit down to talk honestly like normal people without lies and hidden motives - who needs what, who wants what to take, who can give what , who what suits or upsets him in this regard. Until you clarify and clear every aspect of your relationship, you can't feel any different, believe me. You have left a lot of ambiguities, you have disrupted communication and the flow of positive energy, which you have created with this falling in love. Surely the gentleman feels just like you and like you would not admit it to you. Realize people - pride and ego are good qualities, but they should not be manifested where there is love.

   Number 17, you must be right that when there is love there is no room for pride, stubbornness and ego ... The point is that probably in this case love is only on one side, no matter how much I wish I was wrong. I keep thinking that if he cared at least a little about me and my feelings, he wouldn't behave like that. He is hardly so deluded that he does not see that his behavior hurts me. At least he would have cut me off directly, to say he didn't want me ... and he never did. For so long, I think I deserve to clarify our relationship. It's been a long time since we last saw each other and I've been sick ever since. I tried everything - not to spot him, not to talk to him, not to look for him, not to answer him if he calls me ... I don't know what to do anymore, but I see that neither the time nor the lack of communication with him helps me to feel better. I don't care about absolutely everything ... If you know how much effort it costs me to behave as if everything is fine with me, and inside the thought of its existence poisons me ... I can't anymore, I have the feeling that even the very fact that I don't I see him squeezing me mentally and physically. As an addict, I am abstinent. And it's not even for sex. Maybe that was the only way for me to be with him for a while. The worst thing is that I have no one to share how I feel :( My soul is so lonely and empty ... If this is love - I don't want it, to get away from me and stop torturing me. I wish him to be happy in spite of everything, I don't hate him and I could never hate him, because I was just trying to make myself feel better ... I think I hate myself for allowing all this and I don't know how to get out from all this mess ...

   Number 17 to 18: I'm a man. In the same situation as your lover. My story is 1: 1 with yours, the lady in it is also a lion. The difference is that she stopped everything unilaterally, suddenly, without explanation and for no apparent reason, and twice. It is not in vain that I tell you that the key is in communication and honesty. No matter how unpleasant the truth is - it is much better than lies and unspoken thoughts and feelings - it is the truth and frank conversation that can free you from this obsessive feeling. What's bothering you / ego, right? !! / to admit to the person how you feel and what hurts you in his behavior. How sure are you that your love is unrequited? Not everyone can love us the way we want them to, but that doesn't mean they don't love us in their own way, do they?

   Number 19. ... you, it's good that you're a man ... but I'm sure you're not like the man the author writes about ... you must be showing interest in your "beloved" .. you probably call more often ... and not for example, in a week or two ... that's the difference. When you show interest, you can share how you feel. The truth is that like any beginning interest, calls were more frequent, as was sex. This misleads most women ... to think that the other party shows that it is not just sex between them ... because if he is looking for you, then he wants you. And when over time ... we talk about years, the interest that the man shows decreases ... and he starts to be busy more often, calls less often, the woman makes a difference ... she sees and feels this. To be able to share, by the way, in some way, that she is not pleased with the lack of communication, but as they say, that he just had a job and had no opportunity to call she accepted it, even though he knew it wasn't. Because if in the beginning he could, then he can still ... a matter of desire. This makes the woman withdraw ... even more so when the two have not talked about any feelings between them ... nor have they said that it will be just sex. It just happened ... and it went on over time. And is this love ... what is it, in my opinion it is nothing .. yes these are unspoken things .. which can be expressed as she already feels the lack of interest in him ... and he doesn't say anything. How to tell him he has feelings. And I am and I will not say. You are right that no one can know what and how the other feels, but how to talk about such things as you have not done for years .. you just had a good time .. from communication, sharing, laughter .. and sex. And I say again ..

   I've been thinking a lot these days and I've decided to finish everything, no matter how much it hurts, I'll leave it at that. I will not say anything, I will pretend that nothing happened and if he ever decides that he wants me again - I will refuse. I don't deserve to be treated like that. We are big people, mature - we are not children so we do not know what we want. I keep thinking that if someone doesn't want you, they will tell you, and vice versa. I don't see the drama of where to talk to someone about things between you, whether it's a relationship or just a non-binding relationship ... But I won't initiate conversations first. Nor will I admit anything to him. I take it that it is clear to him that I have feelings after so many years have passed and despite everything I have not given up on him. It is not an honor for anyone to mock the feelings of another. And in this case it happened exactly like that.

   Number 16, was I silent enough? In post 12, I have listed some assumptions (because the facts are not mentioned) to confirm that I still fully support the proposals. And they are probably close to the truth, the author could refute me with her version! Since I was silent on your orders, I will now ask you to stop on this subject and encourage others to debauchery. Which is obviously inherent in them, no matter how difficult it is for women to think, many will agree, for example, with the allegations about drugs: It is very fun, but then there are disastrous, downright tragic consequences for the individual and his loved ones. In the same way, infidelity is a great thrill, but then there are terrible consequences for everyone (including children, and most of you are mothers - supposedly)! As when the drug dealer tells you: - Take, try, you will be in the "seventh heaven" - the mind says: do not! So she encourages you to cheat on one with three children and a pregnant woman with a fourth (H - 6, 10, 16) and does she know who the fathers are? And no matter how much I repeat: - Cheat with whom you fall. Let the mind say: - DON'T! H - 2, 12.

   Number 24 ... made me laugh with his comment ... (I'm .. 6, 10, 16) ... to tell you the truth, I didn't understand anything from him. But there is nothing ... everything is correct ... about what infidelities of pregnant women with three, four children you say that you also wrote the numbers of the posts in brackets ... are you referring to me in this case .. I didn't understand anything ... at the risk of offending you, I apologize in advance .. but, in a meaningful answer, couldn't you write .. are you in a sect? You know, I wish you to be alive and healthy, (I wish it from your heart) .. but when you read something, try to understand its meaning ... Cheer up my day ... greetings!

   Oops ... I unwittingly wrote number 10 ... this is a special explanation for number 24 ... I explain to him (6, 9, 16 .. including 26) ... :)

   To the author My story is exactly the same as yours. We are colleagues and we are both married and we have no intention of ruining our families. He is an absolute womanizer and takes everything down. I do not know how, but after two years of courtship, chat from morning to night, passionate looks, special attitude, etc., managed to captivate me. I fell in love as a student. In the beginning, everything was great and I received all his attention and tenderness. Other women seemed to cease to exist for him. The sex was naturally unique. I had an orgasm with him for the first time, and I'm 40. Apparently we really confuse sex with love. Come to think of it, this falling in love is stronger and more destructive than standard and calm love. I understand you very well when you say you are abstinent. I felt it after three years with him. I realized that in addition to me, he was seeing another woman, which is 20 years older than him. And last week I found out that he started a relationship with our 20-year-old younger secretary type sex bomb. He has changed since then. He started looking for me less often. It doesn't call me anymore, just a chat. Does not share. Sometimes he passes me as if he doesn't know me, without us arguing. Then suddenly he wants me very much and trembles so as not to get angry. This carousel is driving me crazy. I become antisocial. I have no desire for anything or anyone. I realize that I am ruining my life and that of my loved ones, and there is nothing I can do. It's like he's done magic to me and I'm suffocating without him. Many times I tried to end it, but he would not leave me and I would come back again. Things were getting better and after 1-2 days again indifference and again on the carousel. I don't have the strength anymore. At the moment he is madly in love with the secretary and I felt the change in him very strongly. I tried to talk about how I was feeling, but he told me he loved me and stopped being jealous because jealousy ruined everything. Yes, but it became strange and cold again. I couldn't stand it and told him once again to end. I explained to him that it was not jealousy but infidelity that ruined everything. He hasn't written to me since. A week has passed and he still hasn't called me to bring me back. This hurts me a lot. I know that this time we will part forever. He will never look for me again. He is too proud and already has a new special woman. I see her go out for long lunches every day, just like I did, and my heart shrinks. The pain is severe. The worst thing, however, is that we no longer have anything to say to him. From this uncertainty, I became totally paranoid. Always angry and sad, and she is fresh and fun. There is no way to compete with her. Nothing I can do. I decided to just ignore him, because if I had to talk to him, he would burst into tears. Good thing he hasn't come to the office since. I hope he doesn't do it so that I can try to forget him more easily. I don't know what to advise you. But I decided to at least share so you know it's not just happening to you. These men have a great influence on women with low self-esteem like us. And we obviously have to learn to love ourselves, but I have no idea how this Success Sun happens!

   Author, I do not believe that you are ready to finish the next time he calls you to say "end". I hope I do not offend you, but if he decides to whistle you will run again. Absolutely the same applies to №28. not that I do not sympathize with you purely in a feminine way, but I am probably older than you and I have long since seen the truth. A man who cheats on his wife cannot be a literate man. The same applies to women who cheat. 99% of the time, women sink more and more, and men quickly cool down. It is not a cliché that they are hunters and they are attracted to hunting while one escapes. The conquered is no longer interesting. I really like a poem by a young poet everything on the subject. "Don't betray me, please, sweetheart, at least once try not to cry for him, you swim across the sea, you will hardly mean anything more ....."

   I no longer know how to get rid of this whole nightmarish situation ... I don't see him, I don't hear him and I still don't stop thinking about him ... Because I haven't said so many things I've thought I wonder if I tell him in my face what I think about all his behavior and attitude whether I will not get better. Not that anything will change, just to make it easier for me somehow. I'm afraid that by suppressing my emotions and feelings I will get sick. I don't feel well physically. I wonder to myself how I managed to lose my mind and live in a movie for years ... Thanks for sharing number 28! I hope that soon we will both be able to shake off the insult, the pain and our obviously unshared feelings ...

   I'm sorry, but this is not love, but a fixed idea and a pathological condition. It is love only when it is SHARED! Understand it once and for all and save your nerves! You can't have everyone you want.

   I do not agree that it is a fixed idea! With fixed ideas, you do everything possible to be with the object of fiction, and in this case I even avoid it. I'm starting to think that things are not quite right in it, because a few days ago he called me and asked to see me, but I refused. Then he asked me and said he just wanted to talk about some things and I agreed, he promised to call, but he never did. If I had, I would have told him that things were just over for me and that I didn't want to see each other again on any occasion. I know I'm starting to think that this strain raises my male self-esteem by checking if I will agree to see him. Even though this has been going on for years, you have to be a really sick person to behave this way with someone you know has feelings for you. In any case, I am fully convinced of myself, that I love him and that I have never been and will never love anyone that way. It's just that obviously the communication itself doesn't work for us, somehow after so long we couldn't clarify anything and admit to each other. And even if he had told me in his eyes that he meant nothing to him, it would have been better than his inconsistent behavior and attitude. Even for him it is clear that if he behaves normally and shows an elementary attitude, things will be fine between us, because I do not want anything more from him. And this neglect of his, sometimes croaking rudely, repulses me. And when I decide to end, he starts looking for me again, although he has never apologized for his behavior. It doesn't suit our age to just behave like in kindergarten. Next time he remembers that I exist, I'll tell him what I think, even on the phone, he obviously doesn't have the courage to say it face to face. And if it's male behavior, say hello to him ... The author