I Live Alone

Hello! Girl, student. In short, I have been living alone in a big city for 2 years and for the first time I will admit it to myself - it is very difficult for me. I absolutely admit that I can't stand mentally everything that surrounds me. In 8th grade, when I came here, everything was new to me and I had high hopes for my lifestyle, people, city and everything, but nothing is as I expected. I lived alone and the first year was strange, I didn't realize what was happening yet, I didn't know how I felt during that period. On the weekends I am with my parents, in my small town, the rest of the time I am surrounded by gloomy people who live like machines. I have no friends, I am very lonely, I used to live with a girl, but she finished and left, I do not live in a dormitory or something like that, but in my own apartment. I know it sounds from the sides " eha lives in her own apartment, but what is she complaining about what's better It's not like that, everything looks okay from the side. When I have the opportunity I go out with a very close friend in the city, but I still can't every day, I tried to look at things from their good side ... I said to myself "well, what are you complaining about? you are somewhat independent and if you change your way of thinking, everything will be fine. "Yes, but no. Positive thinking, more contact with people and filling time does not help. I went out more, in companies I do not know, I met in recent weeks with nearly 15 people, it was fun, but despite everything and among so many people I feel I don't have many real friends, and unfortunately they are far away, I see one of them once every two weeks, the other once a month. There are times when I sit at home, inactive because I've done everything and I'm just lying or sitting and thinking about something I burst into tears. I don't like to be weak. Mentally. I always repeat to my son, don't complain, he will manage, but at the moment I feel bad. I spend the mornings exercising, eating healthy, taking time to cook, music, a walk in the nearby park, and despite these "positive habits" for "positive people" things are not like that with me. I'm just sad, very much. I enjoy how cool and nice life I have, friends companies, independence, new city, diversity.Nothing like that.The packaging is lying, the quality is terrible. but at the moment I feel bad. I spend the mornings exercising, eating healthy, taking time to cook, music, a walk in the nearby park, and despite these "positive habits" for "positive people" things are not like that with me. I'm just sad, very much. I enjoy how cool and nice life I have, friends companies, independence, new city, diversity.Nothing like that.The packaging is lying, the quality is terrible. but at the moment I feel bad. I spend the mornings exercising, eating healthy, taking time to cook, music, a walk in the nearby park, and despite these "positive habits" for "positive people" things are not like that with me. I'm just sad, very much. I enjoy how cool and nice life I have, friends companies, independence, new city, diversity.Nothing like that.The packaging is lying, the quality is terrible.