I Left It, But Now I Miss It

Hello :) Here is my story. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. From the very beginning, the relationship didn't go well, he didn't want a serious relationship, he did what he wanted, he went out with whomever he wanted, he left me and came back again. But after the first year everything changed, he started to show me that he loves me and holds on to me, and that's what I wanted. But over time, I began to doubt my feelings, and now I'm doing it. I don't know if I really love him or if it's just a habit. I left it 2 months ago, the first month didn't impress me, maybe because I was used to him always looking for me. But he got tired for a month and stopped, and now I understand that I miss him. These 4 years. they were very difficult in my life. We lived together for 1 year. he did not work almost I am a student he is a part-time student. I covered all the bills for rent, electricity, water, food. Their are divided, but they have the opportunity to help him, but while we were together they did not move a finger. Because it is more profitable for them for someone else to support their child. His mother was against me, she didn't want us to be together, she made me kind eyes, but I knew very well what she was thinking. He kept going to fortune tellers and telling us that they had told us that we would break up and that we were wasting our time. He used every opportunity when he came out to tell me that he was not for me to leave him. This happened every time I went to them. I couldn't fight his crazy family and I said no. These people would never help us with anything. During this year, when we lived together, and before that, I constantly felt that something was suffocating me, my heart was tightening, maybe from all the problems. And now the only thing I want to know is do I really love him or is it just a habit He forbade me to go out a lot, etc. Maybe that also had an effect. But I don't know for 20 years. I am 23 years old. I haven't had another friend so far, and I don't want to believe his mother's fortune tellers that we're not for each other. I'm afraid we may not have a future together. But I want to regain all my feelings and love him, but how to do it. I miss it now, but this feeling stops me from this uncertainty that I am wondering whether it is love or a habit. I know he loves me, he always showed it to me, but why can't I reciprocate. Everyone is against us, constantly saying that we are different and not for each other. I'm confused. And at the same time he wants me and I want him, but it's my fear that things get serious no matter how much he doesn't want his, beloved mother '' and I am tormented by remorse, is he love? If anyone has been in a similar situation, please advice :) Thank you for taking the time for me and my story.