I Have No Desire To Put A Title - Sorry

Hello! I'm a girl of 16. The problem is that I've developed a hell of a lot of fear and apathy towards myself that I've even stopped going out so often. After an incident in which my feelings and desires were ignored, I was completely crushed. The problems were not late and at the moment I do not feel productive at all for myself or for others. For about 4-5 months I have had serious sleep problems, initially I took sedatives so I could fall asleep at a normal time. I abused these medications a lot, so much so that they no longer helped me fall asleep. Then began a period in which I went to bed at 8 in the morning and got up at 4-5 in the afternoon. I tried several times to fix my regime and not sleep all day to go to bed normally, but alas, once I do not know how I did not faint on the street, because I went out in the heat and did not drink much water. Then there was a short period of about a week and something in which I went to bed on time and woke up just before noon. I thought that this thing was about to pass, but something went wrong ... Now I go to bed at 5 (6 max) and get up at 15-16. I've been like this all summer ... My parents noticed this thing, my mother supported me and tried to help me in every way, until my father made a big impression on him, and when he did, he tried to give me an ultimatum to be the best. late at 8. Of course this could not have happened. He blamed me for that. I am very upset because I do not know how to help myself, and if not me, no one else will be able to, no matter how much they want to. Ever since I was little, my older brother has always come first, and everyone pleases him while I'm sitting in the background ... I've been somewhere in his shadow. My father is used to this, when he is angry (mostly with my brother) to get it on me. To be honest, I don't hate my brother, on the contrary, I love him and I don't think it's worth hating him because of our parents just because we were raised differently. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to hate my father or anyone else in the family. I remember talking to our relatives who live far away from us. They always asked about my brother, but not about me. Despite all these things, I enjoyed spending time only with my brother. I really had fun when we were little, especially when no one was trying to interfere with our happiness. Unfortunately, things have developed and now my brother is not the best example of support, it is hard for me that the relationship between us is not so strong and almost everything has collapsed. I miss. My parents keep comparing me to him and telling me that I've become a jerk like him and the daily harassment of not getting up for anything is ruining me. I think that my problems with the body (especially sleep) come down to this big problem. My family has contributed a lot to my successful complexion because I am unnecessary in the picture. At times, I feel like a failed abortion, and I feel like they're looking at me as a last resort. After the incident I mentioned above (the one in which my wishes were ignored), everything starts to come back to me in retrospect and to experience those nightmares in which I am most unwanted. That's why I sit at home all day and I fully realize that I put a cage on myself. I'm terrified of going out with a large group of people, mostly because I feel like I'm not wanted. The purpose of this whole pot was simply because I wanted to share my thoughts with someone because I'm not sure who I can trust. I want to apologize if I have made mistakes in writing or I have written some things too confused (all sorts of thoughts come to me and I do not know what to write next). Thanks to everyone who came to the end of this tormented story and thanks in advance to the moderators, from whom I hope to gain understanding and my story to be published <3