I Have Love, But Not What I Dreamed Of

The Story

It's sad when you know you'll never have anything again. It hurts. They say that good things leave you with good memories to remember in the bad moments. But it hurts me now that I remember these things. It hurts because it was good and it won't be anymore. To be wanted was my biggest wish. And I was, I really was. At first I didn't believe it, I didn't believe that it was possible for someone to want me so badly. But then I understood and felt it and I was happy and I had no doubt. And now it hurts. Maybe that's why I'm always so reserved, because I'm afraid that I will believe that everything is true and then it will hurt me much more. It will be twice as difficult and painful for me. But this time I allowed myself to believe, because I was sure that everything was true and it was and I had no doubt. But it's not anymore. And now I don't know what to do, because I feel such pain that it seems to start from the heart and continue all the way to my fingertips. And I can't stop her. I want to immerse myself in it. And to cry until the tears dry up, and then the saddest feeling of emptiness and hopelessness will come. Because there's nothing I can do. And just to be sorry. I have so much tenderness in me, I am ready to give it away. And he accepts it, only he can't understand that I need it too. To stroke my face, to tell me that I am the only one, but not because I bother him with questions, but simply because he feels it. To hug me. I want things I know I won't have. Even if he's able to tell them to a girl, I'm not that girl. There's no way I can make him want me like he used to. Although he says that everything is fine and that I am too ..... and I do not know what. I don't want to see him. And this is happening more and more often. He doesn't listen to me anymore, and I can't tell him anything, because we will fight and I will be to blame again. I do not know what to do. I feel alone. This is the saddest feeling.

Last Updated
October 08, 2020
Author:
EvelinaU

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