Hello. I need to share my story because it weighs a hell of a lot on me. If anyone can give good advice, let him command. I am a 21-year-old girl. In the summer of 2018, I met a man with whom we are professionally connected. He is much older than me and at first I did not look at him in a sexual way at all. In the first week of our acquaintance, he invited me to a meeting, but I refused because I didn't think it was right. However, he was insistent and we agreed. It was just interesting for me to talk to a person like him and I thought we could spend 2 hours in interesting conversations. He came to take me from us, we got in the car, he started letting go of my hands and talking directly about sex. I was very surprised because I did not expect such a thing. I asked where we were going and he told me we were going to him ... I didn't like the idea, but then I was pretty naive, and he is quite a dominant figure. We went to them and had sex. We started seeing each other twice a week. The sex was good and he was the first man I had such a cool time with. We never hugged or talked after sex. It made it clear to me that it was just sex, I was ok at first with that. A month after our relationship began, he told me he had a boyfriend. I asked him why he hadn't told me about her and how he could see me. He shouted at me and even slapped me. I felt terrible because I hadn't expected him to. Then he apologized to me and told me not to interfere because I did not understand the situation. I never raised the topic of it again. All I know is that the two had a long-distance relationship.
I admit that I didn't stop seeing him after I found out about them. However, our meetings decreased to 2-3 times a month. He wanted to see me more often, but I was against it. At the same time, I went out on dates with other men because I was looking for a more serious relationship. I confessed to him that I was seeing others and he was very angry. He wanted to be the only man I slept with, but that couldn't happen because he wasn't my boyfriend and I didn't owe him allegiance. Earlier this year, I decided I couldn't go on like this anymore and I had to end this relationship. He once wrote to me and told me that he had broken up with his boyfriend and wanted me to go to him and stay for the evening. I refused because I didn't want to be someone's replacement. Later I realized that they were constantly breaking up and gathering ... Just when I thought it was all over, I succumbed to the temptation and went to them. This has happened 3 or 4 times this year. After each of our meetings, I felt bad because I wanted to hug him, to be truly intimate with him, and I couldn't. I didn't dare show my feelings for him because I didn't believe he felt the same way about me, and I knew I wouldn't be able to trust him once I knew what he was doing. He often told me that I was his weakness, and when we didn't see each other for a long time, he said that he missed me. I never believed him and told him what he was angry about. We never had an open conversation about our relationship, which bothered me because I wanted to clarify.
We hadn't seen each other for several months, and when we first met, he was glad to see me. He asked me about sex, but when it became clear to him that he would not receive anything from me, he stopped writing to me, and when we saw each other, we only talked about work. In one of those conversations, he had told me that he liked me as a person. I felt he really meant it, which was very strange to me. I have a lot of guilt and for a long time I regretted being intimate with him. Being committed also makes me feel bad. I try to accept my mistake and learn a great lesson from everything. Unfortunately, I still have feelings for him, and I don't even know if they are justified - I don't know him well, I don't know what kind of person he is, how is it possible to love him and dream about him? I want to meet a new person with whom I have a real relationship. I hope my feelings disappear because they bother me. There were times when he treated me very badly because he was stressed by his work and sometimes made fun of me. He later corrected his behavior and there were no such outbursts. Many people will condemn me for my actions and they will be right. But I realized that when you're most sure you're not going to go wrong and do something stupid,
1 ann_leinhart answered
Understand that we are people with emotions and only robots have sex. In the future, do not engage in such meaningless relationships, because you will suffer again. And for this one - just delete it from your life. This is some kind of emotional cripple, to have sex and not to be hugged ... to slap you ... he is dangerous ... this is a person with mental disorders. You tear and throw.