A girl of 18. with a very difficult character, I have a problem with trust and it is very difficult to trust a person, it takes me a long time to be convinced that I can share something and rely on someone. When I was 16 I had a relationship, my first serious friend, we were together for 11 months. Everything was great in the beginning, then I started to get attached, at one point I already loved it. With him, I lost my virginity at the end of our relationship. We had sex 3 times, after our last sexual intercourse about 3, 4 days passed and he wanted to separate, explaining to me that he no longer had feelings for me. Here we come to the moment when I felt used. It was as if I was completely bored after giving myself to him. It took me a long time to recover from our separation. Two years have passed. Let me note that during these years different guys wrote to me and tried to have a relationship, but I was too much against it, as if I had built walls with the idea that no one would break them and hurt me. Here I was completely ready to embark on a new adventure. And here comes my next "love". My second friend in question and I worked for months, we went out, we wrote to each other. At one point I realized that I was starting to like him and I had temporarily stopped contacting him as well. I was honestly scared, I didn't want anyone to hurt me again, but the moment comes when you say to yourself "you can't protect yourself all your life, fuck it now is the time to experience different things, you're only 18". That's right. Everything happened again. I became attached to this boy during the flirtations and outings, then we left. We were together for a very short time - a month. And as I said, things happened again, you're just starting to have stronger feelings for someone, you make love (3 times, again) and he tells you "I think we're just not for each other, we're too different" and leaves. Short and clear. With him, however, we are still trying to "friendly relations" is guess who suffers in this case Yes me. Regarding sex, both of my ex-friends have told me that I am "quite experienced" and "obviously lucky." I don't know if the problem is in me, I get bored of them in some way or it's really just to have fun for a few times and goodbye. It is very difficult for me to allow someone to get to know me, to give myself completely to someone and I have the feeling that every boy is for one sleep. I believe that there is always someone right for me somewhere. And there are a lot of decent guys, but why do I trust the wrong ones. I just think that everything is going great and the person on the other side is just leaving. At the moment I feel used, empty, underestimated. I don't want to fall into various depressions, at 18 I want to go with the flow, but I can't. It's hard for me to find the right person. Or let him find me.
1 katya_zamo answered
What do you expect to happen if you keep one of them? What is your plan for the next few years, say? Will you just stay boyfriends, will you have a family, what do you want?