I Feel Different

Hello! A 16-year-old girl writes to you. If I didn't love my school, didn't have such strong respect for my teachers, and had liked some other school after graduation in 7th grade to go to, I wouldn't be in that "class" like that now. of which I have been a member since the very beginning as a student. I admit that I am partly to blame, but I have not changed my decision not to apply then and so far (I am in 10th grade). I could do it, I had good grades from the prom, but I'm quite capricious and I didn't like any specialty, and on the other hand I'm very sentimental, I'm very attached and maybe that's a problem for me. As a person, I am quite closed in on myself. I don't like noisy places, many people in one place burden me. I don't have many girlfriends, that's not the problem. Just my classmates or are they normal, and I abnormal or vice versa. This confuses me a lot. They call me boring, annoying, bison. They (I'm talking about everyone except me and my girlfriend, about whom I'll write later): They come to school just to show off some new clothes, to eat (no matter in class or not) and to show off modern phones, as if no one else has them. Words like lessons, homework, notebooks and the like are incomprehensible to them. Sometimes I even ask myself why they come to school at all, just because of some absences !! Yes, they are physically in class, but in spirit .... With them and without them all the same, they come 10-15 minutes after the class has started, and when they come they only spoil the discipline and interfere with the work of the teachers. Here they are. If we pour, for example, the backpack of one of the girls (we are 6 in total), we will find everything else, but not a notebook. Perfumes, makeup and other things seem to be more important. The other is supposed to be a "classmate", but she is late the most because she goes to the big break to smoke cigarettes and still justifies herself. She is so distracted. The other 2 have not appeared at school for almost 2 or even 3 months. The other part is the boys. They are even bigger hypocrites and gossips than women:) Supposedly friends, and when one thing gets sick, all sorts of insults are poured on his back. My friend: The only person I communicate with. We've been in 1st grade together, we've had a lot of quarrels, but lately I've started to realize that maybe it's not all that great. We overlap somewhat in our reasoning, but she is very lazy. He is waiting for everything ready from me. It may be something very simple, but he will not try to do it but will say that he cannot. I've been feeling a bit jealous lately, he's trying to reach me on a grade level, and he's angry that it's not working. When a lady praises me in class (especially the lady in BEL), after the end of the class she starts to tease me that I'm not as good as the lady said. And all sorts of things like that. When we participated in a joint drawing competition - she can't, but I drew her drawing in part to participate, they chose mine and I won, she wasn't even happy for me! I had to put the prizes in my backpack, just so she wouldn't be upset that she hadn't won. For her, I'm like a vent who complains about the problems in her home, and when I want to share something, the topic immediately shifts. He doesn't even pay attention to me during the summer vacation. We are already 17 years old (I will make them mine on May 15), some have already started summer work. I also approve of that, but it was pointless for her. Instead of earning a few levs, she prefers to sit in front of her entrance all summer and play with the children there IN HIDDEN !!!! And not just to play, to watch them during the day like that. Can you imagine? !! Yes, maybe I'm wrong, everyone has the right to choose, but I'll save more for her. When we call her with another friend, she doesn't even pay attention to us, as if she weren't there. Once we didn't go out for a walk, get some ice cream or go to the sea or anything in the summer. These children (who are just neighbors) turn out to be more important to her than us and she prefers them as if she were their mother. But, so much for that, I wrote a whole firman. Me: Like I said, I'm very closed and shy. I like to learn new things, to learn, to listen to music and paint (so I relax). He is an opponent of cigarettes (which my class does not like). I don't wear make-up on myself, I dress quite normally for my age, I've never had a boyfriend (which if you don't have one according to my class makes you a kind of traffic jam), I don't feel the need to have it. I go to school with the idea that I will learn something that will be useful to me in time. You can see for yourself what a huge difference there is. I'm very stubborn, when something doesn't work, I don't give up and try until I do it. I am critical of myself and others, I hate injustice, I try to treat everyone properly. Well, I have negatives too, I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be and I don't want to look like I'm trying to make it. I tried to describe the situation to you more or less. With this "gathering," as I put it, of people for so long I have not been able to associate because I am different from the herd. I can't be something I'm not. I can't get drunk to the point of unconsciousness, I can't smoke, I can't go to a disco (which makes no sense), I can't make up, I can't wear a short skirt and I can't go to school to please others. And just because, for example, I don't have a Facebook account or any social network makes me less human than the others? !! I can't talk to people who are only interested in when a new mirror will be installed in the toilets to take pictures there. I can't, because I haven't smoked a hookah either (another "heroism"). There is no way. My idea was to show you more or less what I am, how I think and what kind of people I am surrounded by. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I look like an aunt on the side, I know, maybe I'm the one who doesn't understand anything? !! I may be arrogant to some of you. I accept your criticism, whatever it may be. Every year before September 15th, I pray for a new student who looks at least a little like me. Even if there is one, he becomes like the others. I know it's all lost and it doesn't make sense, at least I got angry somewhere. I feel alone. :( Thank you! Thank you for coming this far and reading everything. I don't want so much advice as an answer: Are there people like me somewhere ?! Do I just think like that? Where could there be a way to find someone with my thinking. ... And last but not least: Am I or the others normal? * Please post it! Have a nice rest of the day! :) Every year before September 15th, I pray for a new student who looks at least a little like me. Even if there is one, he becomes like the others. I know it's all lost and it doesn't make sense, at least I got angry somewhere. I feel alone. :( Thank you! Thank you for getting here and reading everything. I don't want so much advice as an answer: Are there people like me somewhere ?! Do I just think like that? Where could there be a way to find someone with my thinking. ... And last but not least: Am I or the others normal? * Please post it! Have a nice rest of the day! :) Every year before September 15th, I pray for a new student who looks at least a little like me. Even if there is one, he becomes like the others. I know it's all lost and it doesn't make sense, at least I got angry somewhere. I feel alone. :( Thank you! Thank you for getting here and reading everything. I don't want so much advice as an answer: Are there people like me somewhere ?! Do I just think like that? Where could there be a way to find someone with my thinking. ... And last but not least: Am I or the others normal? * Please post it! Have a nice rest of the day! :) Thank you for getting here and reading everything. I don't want as much advice as an answer: Are there people like me somewhere? !! Am I the only one who thinks so? I wish there was a way to find someone with my thinking .... And last but not least: Am I or the others normal? * Please post it! Have a nice rest of the day! :) Thank you for getting here and reading everything. I don't want as much advice as an answer: Are there people like me somewhere? !! Am I the only one who thinks so? I wish there was a way to find someone with my thinking .... And last but not least: Am I or the others normal? * Please post it! Have a nice rest of the day! :)