Hello! I am a 21 year old girl. I dropped out of university - I had excellent results (6.00). My topic is in the "Family" category because I don't get along with my parents (I still live with them). My studies and expenses forced me to stay at home. I have a terrible relationship with my father, when I was 11 years old my mother found out that my father was cheating on her (while he was working abroad), found a picture of his mistress and her daughter. Scandals broke out, I saw the pictures, my father drank often. I also have younger brothers (they were babies then). From that moment on, I hated him, he told me not to call him "Dad" and I still don't call him that. Despite the scandals and the fact that he ran away to his mistress, then he returned and stayed with my mother. She hated him too, and she still hates him. He often harassed us - insulting me and hitting me (even on the head). I don't see support in his face, and whenever he gets drunk he gets annoyed with us (especially with me, even with my brothers, with my mother). When I stopped, he told me that nothing was happening to me and that I would become a "smoker and cleaner". I have not yet written why I stopped - I stopped from exhaustion (travel, studying at night, homework, early exercise, no social life (to deal with all the material) .
My mother supported my decision, although she did not agree :, "But then he told me that maybe it's really better to rest and come back in a few months and continue. Even the 'idiots.' to graduate I don't care because I put so much effort into an excellent result, and people, who flatter the professors, associate professors and assistants benefited without straining much. I was also an excellent student at school, although ours did not quarrel with me for grades. I have always been ambitious. At university, I felt from the beginning that my colleagues hated me, not because I inflated or tricked them, but because of my knowledge (well, not everyone hated me, they even hated me, it's not the right word - they didn't like me). Besides, I'm a more modest person - I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't wear make-up, I don't go to chalga discos. I love reading books. Unfortunately, my family and the friends I had until recently could not understand me. They think I'm mentally ill, congested, that I don't know how to live and have fun. One of my friends even told me, "You either don't want to have fun or you don't know how." He told me because, according to her, I don't like to try new things, unlike her and the others in the company she goes out with, the others who are gay, lesbian, and she herself is engaged to a boy of Roma origin and until recently her father did not know. I communicated with them because I knew them from school, and at university, I could not find my environment. You might think that they really have the right to insult me.
Even my mother told me: "Nobody wants you, you will die alone, you are a complex - you must have been slapped a lot at the university". My mother never really treated me with tenderness. My grandmother left me to take care of me since I was a child, that's why she often teases me that I am spoiled, that I was not taken out either in kindergarten or in schools (I changed two - one had no profile, but promised to have - me I wanted to get a certificate, and the other was full of gypsies who harassed me because I wasn't like them - they touched the other girls, threw pirates in the toilets). Anyway, it's over, I graduated with honors. I had two good friends, but in time we broke up - one found a friend and left us, and the other was under the constant influence of his mother, who told her what to do. Before that, however, my grandmother died and I was left alone - my grandmother was a friend, in fact, she treated me like a mother, while my mother beat me, cursed and insulted me.
Whenever we fight, my mother teases me (also in front of my father) that I'm schizophrenic (he has a distant relative who's sick, but not schizophrenia, it doesn't matter) like his family, and he tells her I'm schizophrenic in her line. Ever since I was a child, my mother beat me and even scolded me in front of strangers. Since I stopped studying I have really changed (before I stopped I promised myself that I would take more care of my health - I would go out more in nature, I would eat more regularly, I would find a job, I would change my environment), but alas this did not it happened, I got angry, I often change my mood - not because I'm crazy, but because I don't feel loved by anyone, I don't feel that anyone cares about me at all. I don't talk to almost anyone anymore (except at home, when I fight with ours, and they beat me).
My mother constantly reproaches me that I am sour and dissatisfied, that nothing has pleased us and as always insults me, and she has never asked me about the reasons, she just repeats to me :, Ma, I don't know what's wrong with you, schizophrenic, you are harassing me, because of you I go to work with broken nerves ''. She almost never told me to share her problems with her when she was younger, but whenever I tried to do so, she would make fun of me or make fun of me. So I refused to tell her, I became aggressive towards both of them. You might say :, Go to a psychologist. "I went three months ago and he told me that I had no problem and that he attributed my behavior to fatigue and insomnia. I haven't been able to sleep normally for almost a month - I fall asleep late and wake up in the afternoon and then it happens again and again. I was going out soon, I was going to a museum
- I still have interests, I'm not apathetic, although there have been moments and there are still times when I feel so alone and useless that I wish my life was over, but I wouldn't commit suicide - not only because it is a sin before God, but, because it can be unsuccessful and then they push me into a psychiatric hospital, where they push me with pills, it stays in my health record and prevents me from finding a job, and in the eyes of people I become crazy, crazy and suicide. My parents and relatives would not suffer for me because (my parents consider me a pessimist, my mother thinks that at 21 I was the best years of my life, that I was stuck in us, that I always find people's shortcomings, the only thing that would affect my parents is the funeral expenses.The strange thing is that I have never, even today, been a problem child, I even helped raise my brothers, I clean, I iron, I am not one of the women and girls who do not go home all day and night, and my father insults me with the words :, "neighborhood prostitute", "whore", although he never spotted me with a man from the neighborhood or anyone else. I'm tired of it, I'm looking for a job and I want to be able to move out of the house soon, but it was so easy - everything is expensive - rent, food, let's say I managed to set aside some money. I wanted to work in a bookstore or even a clothing store, even as a cleaner. The monotony at home kills me, and I didn't feel any different at university. I don't even think about going back to university anymore, I need time, not a new dose of stress, insults, and fatigue. At home I read books, clean, iron and so I spend the whole day, taking into account that I get up late in the day - every day is the same as the other. On top of that, when my dissatisfied father was almost out of money, he would come to me and I would give him my scholarship for excellent achievement, then he would give it back to me, but apparently the tale:, Good is not known. '' is true. No one understands my pain, everyone sees my anger and irritation, and no one sees the sadness, not that it is necessary.
Don't get the impression that I'm looking for regret. I know that there are people with much more difficult destinies, but I just needed to share with someone, and at the moment not only no one, but I do not trust anyone. I just need a friendly hand, but I don't have any friends. I hope at least someone reads a little of my story, even though it's already a whole novel, and tells me their opinion, even advice or something. I would be very grateful. but I just needed to share with someone, and right now not only is there no one, but I don't trust anyone. I just need a friendly hand, but I don't have any friends. I hope at least someone reads a little of my story, even though it's already a whole novel, and tells me their opinion, even advice or something. I would be very grateful. but I just needed to share with someone, and right now not only is there no one, but I don't trust anyone. I just need a friendly hand, but I don't have any friends. I hope at least someone reads a little of my story, even though it's already a whole novel, and tells me their opinion, even advice or something. I would be very grateful.
1 katty_sexy15 answered
I'm the same, but I'm 2 years younger than you. I'm graduating this year and I'm going to study in another city. I hope that after I change my environment, some things will change. I think you need that too. From the university you can go to a brigade, where you can save money and move out or transfer to another university, to another city. Stay at the hostel there the bills are much lighter. You need to recharge and start fresh, I personally think that an excellent student like you can do it. As for loneliness, I can't help it because I'm like that myself. Success!