I Don't Think Ours Have Grown Much

   Unfortunately, we still live in a time when everyone can reproduce freely and uncontrollably.

   Nobody chooses their parents. You have already seen what is right and you are doing it well. And being angry that she didn't teach you doesn't make sense. Take an interest in the things you think you should and can do. Now there is a lot of information - learn how to serve, how to cook. Even take a cooking class (I did). Develop a sense of beauty and good, of the aesthetic. Learn etiquette and good manners. Educate yourself and develop communication skills. If you can separate yourself from this environment. And don't repeat your mother's pattern in life.

   You know I read and I can't believe you described my childhood. Although we were only two children, my mother was from a large family with 5 children and her understanding of family and life was such, although she had a university degree and a prestigious job, and my father was a man under a slipper and prone to alcoholism and he tried to listen, though he always found flaws and reasons to quarrel and curse the fight. The conditions in which I lived as a child were like yours, at home she washed by hand until I got married, she didn't need a washing machine while she had me to wash their clothes and the toilet was like yours and there were no outings and no guests, you will ask what she did with a university graduate's salary has bought a meadow near a village and they have built a shelter as long as we don't live in the meadow, they dug a hole for a toilet, put boards on top and wrapped black nylon and so on. Bathing and laundry took place in the middle of the room in the tub. My father's parents had given them a separate apartment in the city, which was locked, and we lived in the meadow, because otherwise my mother / grandmother's mother-in-law would be our neighbor on the right door to door and maybe she would not allow them to tread like that. her son, and we would not have organic peppers and chickens of our own production. After I got married, I broke off all relations with them, but I still haven't learned the things you describe, I don't have a sense of culture and live expression in front of people, I don't have a sense of how many guests I sit, I don't know how to buy quality goods . Maybe these things are learned in childhood. It's good that I have a man who does the big shopping at home, I only buy for food and utensils, he chooses TVs, appliances, furniture, tiles and laminates, curtains and even sheets,

   May you be alive and healthy! You are already big, you will soon become an adult ... Take care of yourself and that's it!

   unfortunately, one does not choose one's parents and cannot choose a family in which to be born. you already know what you don't want to be. work on yourself, study, educate yourself so that you do not become like your mother.

   Dear girl, I sympathize with you. Unfortunately, you had to learn things the hard way. The important and good thing is that you see the mistake of your parents and understand what kind of parent you do NOT want to be! You are almost an adult already - push another one or two years until you graduate and then move out. This is my advice. It's good to talk to a close person about the problems and things that weigh on you - don't you have an aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather?

   No one can choose the family in which to be born. But we can choose what kind of people to become and how to raise our children. It became very sweet and sad for me as I read. My childhood resembles yours in the modest standard of living and the lack of many things, which made me a person who values ​​the little. However, the 90s in Bulgaria were difficult for everyone. I have acquaintances who buy gifts for BGN 500 for their children for Christmas - laptops and such nonsense and they are 10, 15 years old. What will they dream of when they grow up?

   Abe, we choose our parents (or more precisely, they choose them for us), but this is another and very big topic. I will tell the author: "Every evil for good!". Judging by what you have written, I see that you are an extremely literate and self-aware girl. In addition, you are used to living without self-delusions in life, which is also very useful. You have the potential, you have the awareness, from now on you will only go forward and you will go much further than your peers, who grew up in a more comfortable environment, but are lazy and unambitious ...

   Congratulations on the good spelling. However, the author only grumbles and blames her mother. Mom, no one in this life owes you. Even your parents. She didn't teach you, she didn't create habits for you ... Do you know how many wonderful and decent parents their children are full of shit? No one argues that it is better to be beautiful, healthy and rich than ugly, poor and dumb. Such cards have fallen to you, they do not mind that there will be no other deal. Just try not to repeat the things you can't stand in your parents. For example, I hated cigarettes because of my parents who are passionate smokers.

   You write competently, you have realized things, you don't blame them. Read and develop, live separately and accept them as they are.

   I don't understand, more precisely - I don't want to understand the expression 'don't blame them', because I think that it is not right and it is NOT DESERVED! This is not how some people can get away with being acquitted. Also, the logic of some comments sounds pretty silly to me. For example at number 8. By his logic, it turns out that people who are naughty create quality people, and quality people create naughty people.

   11, she can blame them as much as she wants and quite rightly. the problem, however, is that it will not help her at all. "Don't blame them" for me means transferring her energy to something constructive, such as learning, developing useful skills that will help her in the long run, rather than blaming her parents

   You may not have happened to a family, but you received as compensation something else that is missing in an awful lot of people - natural intelligence and awareness, which have allowed you to see all the things you described above. The very fact that you know what has not reached you in your upbringing means that you can correct it, even by the method of "trial and error". I would advise you not to waste your mind, but to cultivate it. Start reading books - all kinds, from different genres, read insatiably, read psychology (!), Learn new things, learn a good profession and when you start receiving a salary, separate from this environment and start your life clean. As for the gaps in education, you can search for information through Google. I'm sure there are articles on etiquette, behavior in different situations, how to cook, etc. Just read. And to your question why people create children when they can't raise them well, the answer is that their intellect is not enough to think of "so how are we going to look after them?". The vast majority of people lack the causal link "if - it", ie "if I do this, what will be the consequences". Most think only for the moment and that's it. That's enough for their minds. In other words - ordinary people are ignorant, rude, with zero emotional (and any other) intelligence, so your parents can not give you something that they themselves do not have, and certainly do not realize that they lack. But you are different and have the potential to correct their mistakes in your upbringing. Yes, poverty hurts a person, but if you study and take your bread in your hands, you will not live like this forever. You will also gain confidence, because you will know that you have made an effort to build your life and improve yourself, so do not despair. You have a gift - your mind. Use it. Success!

   Whatever they are, they are your parents. Don't blame them, they were capable of that. And I see that I have grown above mine and what they have not done, what they have not taught me, but let's see what you and I will do with our children. Everyone can blame and be dissatisfied. You have the chance to be different from your parents, but will you be?

   I was impressed by the style and literacy of what was written - for a man who grew up in such difficult conditions, it is commendable. You are a smart girl and the only thing I can wish you is to move forward by investing in your learning and qualifications. Don't look back and don't think about what fate has offered you so far. Everyone has their own destiny and these are not some fabrications, but things repeated by the greatest spiritual teachers and clairvoyants in the past and today. We do not know why it is so, it is important to achieve the best within our limits. Grow, learn and do your best for your future. This is the most important thing for you, and why you were born in this particular family - one day (after death) we all learn the answers.