I Don't Know What To Do With My Life Anymore ....

Hello!!! Since this is a forum that I enter quite often, I would like to share the things that bother me ... And they have been around for a long time and have not improved for a year, even more ... My friend and I have been together for 7 years and half. All my life I have been professionally involved in music - I graduated from music school and then conservatory. He graduated from another school and later decided to pursue a career in music. We met at the conservatory and so we started to meet and more .. We had the same interests, we made plans to go abroad together and work as musicians and so it happened ... We traveled around the world for about 3 years, but not full ... About a year before we stopped traveling, he told me he was going to retrain and that he didn't want to be a musician anymore. I had a hard time accepting it but I tried to understand it .... This was my life - the trip ... I am also thinking of some other option for myself, to do something else, more safely, to be with him, but for 1 year I never understood what it was. ... Obviously music is my vocation ... Since my friend gave up music, it is very difficult for me to decide what to do, because the profession requires me to travel a lot abroad, because in Bulgaria it is not very safe and paid ... I wanted to stay in Bulgaria, possibly to do something else so that we could build a home together ... but I never managed to find something else that would satisfy me. He also hasn't quite entered his new profession yet and doesn't make much money with it .... When he gave up traveling last year we had savings that were enough for us for about 1 year and I was thinking during that time, that I will figure out what else I can do, but I just don't want to be the first to learn something or work else .... I'm currently at sea and working as a musician, I like it, but I know it's temporary and I'll go home September and I still won't have a job ... This insecurity already depresses me a lot, if I was drawn to something else, I should have dropped the music a long time ago, but it's inside me and that's what I want ... But that's not the only problem .. My friend is constantly talking about how much he has changed and he no longer has such interests and he is not interested in hanging out with musicians, he already wants something completely different. We didn't have anything to give each other anymore, etc. I've been hearing this from him for several months now, but we're still together. Now I am at sea, working with another colleague, waiting for my friend to come another month. He didn't go to the restaurant where we started and I complained to him about how many bad things they did, and I still studied something different and the fact that I do not want to change my profession does not mean that I do not develop .... I no longer know what to do ... Because of his decision to work differently, I gave up to travel abroad .... It's not that it's worth a lot there, I'll go there and be alone, I don't want that to happen ...., that's why I decided to work in Bulgaria for now, but I still feel alone .... Instead of showing sympathy, saying that he loves me and that he will do everything to be together, he says that he had nothing to do at sea, there is no work there, there was nothing to give, etc. .. I have the feeling that it will come just like that, because I want ... I am very bitter and angry .... what can I do anymore .... and I do not want to pray to him .... I do not deserve this !!! Over the years I have shown him that I love him and I want to be with him ... I don't know what he wants more ... Nz if we part nz whether I will meet another to love so .. he really helped me a lot and was with me constantly. Apparently my uncertainty about what to do with my life has made him think about whether to be with me .... Yes, but when he decides to change what I have worked all my life what to do ?? It is very difficult for me and how I will get better now ... I need a man to support me, to show that he loves me, that I am everything to him and that he misses me, and he just tells me on the phone how nothing I do and I don't develop and how he had other ambitions already, I'm tired of feeling like a geek and that I'm not good for anything !!! He didn't behave like that before and he wanted the same thing I did ... I need a man to support me like he did before ... I don't know what made him cool down like that and wonder if I'm the man for him .... What to do, I do not know???? I don't deserve such treatment ...