I am a man of 34 years. For almost 4 years. I live on a family basis with a 22-year-old woman. I had a long-term family relationship with another woman before that, which I ended because of this woman. It all started with a lot of passion and emotion. I quickly fell in love with this attractive woman. She told me that she loved me and that she wanted a family and children, and so quickly our child was born. We have a gorgeous 2.5 year old son. Over time, I began to get to know the person next to me. I guess everyone has been through this stage and knows it takes time. So I began to realize that I had a very frivolous person next to me. Because during this period my affairs were going great and I was indulging in almost everything. I know I can be blamed for just that, but I've never been selfish and I've always given literally everything in a relationship. I have always been honest and unfortunately I have always expected the same. I realize that a 34-year-old man. he can't know everything about family life. My close people and friends literally do not know what to advise me to do. Maybe because they are biased, too delicate, or because they are well aware that they have a small child who ultimately needs both parents. I can say for myself that I am a good looking man. I even found it funny when yesterday after the meeting with the lawyer, going to my car, two teenage girls whistled at me with the remark "hey cutie". I admit that I also have dark sides in my character. In general, I am a broad-minded person and I am quite patient, but I am too straightforward and when I explode it is better not to have anyone nearby. I know people put up with lies, but I haven't learned yet. For this reason, I have terminated potentially promising partnerships, and I have also stopped contacts with people from whom I know very well that I would be of great benefit. I literally start to tremble with nerves when they lie to me and I get horrified. I know that life will force me to learn to communicate, work, and even live with such people, but at the moment I can't handle it and if I can just stop seeing others, I don't know what to do. in my own family to avoid this. I gave a lot of freedom to my partner. She bought things she would never have afforded before. I also bought a diploma because I didn't see how she would end up with this little child. I also bought a driver's license and at the beginning I gave her a cheap car to learn to drive, and then there was an excellent car from a prestigious German brand. You will say it should not have. I did it for practical reasons as I crashed and I know what it's like to get out of a safe car unscathed and how it saves your life and health. After all, she drives my child in the back seat, not just her. She always had enough money during her motherhood. I let her go out alone without taking her into account. It was enough not to lie to me. But not. She can't live without those little insignificant lies. I really loved her and kept quiet a lot. She thought maybe some things were passing, but they weren't. I have an inexplicable ordeal for me to always learn unpleasant things and even in extremely surprising ways they find their way to me. Sometimes I envy my acquaintances who watch from the side how they live happily in blissful unseenness. As I observed the families of my friends and acquaintances and tried to analyze everything, I came to the conclusion that women in general are either polygamous or rather monogamous. I say rather because I think that often only their upbringing and the imposition of a small worldview suppress their desire for polygamy. Anyway, I realized that my partner is polygamous by nature and the dumbest thing I can do is force her to be something she isn't. I'm rather monogamous but I'm smart enough to know that in the end people have different sexualities. I started trying to talk to her about it because I knew that sooner or later it would be a catalyst for serious drama at home knowing myself. At first she didn't want to talk about it and just said yes, I trust her more. She could not or did not want to understand that this was not a matter of trust, but of an attempt at understanding on my part, as she did not justify the trust she demanded. Accordingly, this was garnished with lies, and only I know what I want to do when they lie to me. I admit that I am horrified at such moments. Here I want to insert that these are not lies only from this nature, but lies about literally prosaic things. I guess she felt like she was in a vicious circle. She was so entangled in lies that she kept lying about almost everything, knowing how I would react when I found out. You'll think I've beaten her regularly, but I don't. Most of the time I kept quiet, piling everything up, but when the glass overflowed, I really misbehaved with it, insulting it and pouring out everything I had poured. Then she always disappeared for days, leaving only the child and blocking me from working completely. He doesn't pick up his phone for anyone and only after a few days we start contacting via SMS because he doesn't even have eyes to talk to me on the phone. With a lot of tact and love, sometimes behaving like a small child, I took her home. And so many times. I realized that she had been accustomed to doing so since she was a child, and even for that reason she had entered the schemes of prostituted underage girls, who quite understandably easily found themselves there on the street without money. OK I understand, we do not live in an ideal society. Only a fool can say this can't happen to me or my daughter or ........ etc. I understand that she grew up without her father and without justifying her I tried to understand her. I've lost so much psychic energy after each of her disappearances, that I was becoming less and less able to work. After every time I took her back to the family and we kept talking about the same thing. About how it is necessary to have trust between us and not to lie. The same promises followed, and the same thing happened every time. She lied to me many times for money and that was also the reason she ran away. As if this is not our money to look after our child. When she finished motherhood and wanted to work, but since she could do nothing but quality sex, I did everything in my power to guide her and help her. I know that many men do the exact opposite so that their wives can be obedient and dependent, but I have a different opinion. I see every day what happens to many people and I do not live with the illusion that I am insured against everything. I want her to be able to take care of our child if something happens to me. A life insurance solves absolutely nothing in the medium and long term. Money is easily and quickly spent, and she did not know how to earn it. I watched her and figured out what she could do. She is a very beautiful woman, but a little phlegmatic, although she is just the opposite in bed. That's why I suggested the idea of working in a beauty salon. I decided that for a woman her age, this is a good option to start building work habits and at the same time look perfect working there. After all, it is not a matter of so much money over time to have your own modest business when you gain skills in this area. I was far from thinking about something big because I saw that at least at this stage there are no qualities for it. She accepted the idea very enthusiastically and turned to nail art because this work is really for phlegmatic people like her. I do not make any bad sense in this word because even Freud and Jung distinguished people into different types and natural natures. This is where the next odyssey began. I pay an expensive rate in the most elite chain of salons. She walks for a few days and then lies again. Of course, I learn again and react emotionally. She runs away ..... Again everything turns in the same circle but she has already closed the door there and the exceptional opportunity to gain experience in the best place. I grit my teeth once again and pay for another course in an unpretentious place. This time he makes it. Work begins. He worked for two weeks and continued as he knew how. Disappeared for days, again the same circle. He started working elsewhere. She spent almost two months there because her colleague was infinitely tolerant and often endured her absence and returning clients. At the same time, I thought it worked. When I inevitably learned the truth again the same. Disappearance and then I take her home just so the child can have a mother. Literally the next day, after she came home and went to work, she staged a play with two alcoholics to whom she had told what a terrible person I was and how I had harassed and beaten her. I would really beat her once, but a lot, but the reason is that after another homecoming in the evening we had sex and at that time she started telling me how she had sex with someone while she was gone. Then I just scrolled, and given that hours before that we talked at length once again about what is included in the concept of truth and she had told me where and what she did. Not because it mattered, but to learn to at least tell the truth. What happened happened, at least to tell the truth and move on. After each return and tell me tell me everything. He forgets me and we move on. Unfortunately, they have usually always been half-truths. You say, well, she told you the truth, but it wasn't right at the time. So I had started to say what happened the day after the next return home. Instead of working, she drew a roar from two alcoholics who often stood at a nearby supermarket to pour. What a disgusting person I am. And just then I had decided to go with the child to meet her from work to show her that we love her. However, she had returned after another disappearance only the day before. You can guess what happened. These boys set out to pretend to be musketeers defending the poor lady. There was a fight, and I went with my two-year-old son by the hand. The child got hysterical. I am a male boy and although I had surgery on my abdomen only 4 weeks ago, I resisted. She looked like a nasr. Anyway. This isn't the first time I've been bullied. We went home and what do you think. Surely I beat her!? Well, she was for a serious fight. I watched with what horror the child looked at me and hugged me, and I said to myself as if you were kicking a dead dog, and the child was just beginning to calm down. Of course, he doesn't dwell on this job either. Quite by chance, he met a famous bohemian and because she is a good actress and a beautiful young girl, the woman asked her to start working in perhaps the most elite salon without a competition. There, the girls only dream of starting a job and there are competitions for one place. She was infinitely happy to have started working there. He couldn't believe it was true, and he was in seventh heaven. I asked her to sit on the floor at least this time, and she said she had always dreamed of being in such a place. Something like a dream come true. I said to myself, maybe it will finally work out. I was also left with the impression that, at least recently, we have made great progress in talking directly and sharing without room for lies. She works there for exactly one week. Because again I was annoyed by the secrets and expenses with my credit cards, which you finally remember who should reimburse, and I put them away. We went to the option of refinancing with a loan with a lower interest rate to receive from another bank. Everything was moving and she stopped in the middle of the operation. I reacted emotionally, and she ran away again. Of course, he will never have the opportunity to work in such a top prestigious place. Now she is somewhere without money and I guess she has fallen into another mental hole again. This script is so familiar to me that I no longer want to play on it. I still love her. I know most people will tell me you're a fool. I have flaws like any man, but at least I don't drink alcohol, I've never even tried drugs, I'm not interested in football and Formula 1. I prefer to be with my family instead of going out with "male" companies. I used to think that the only allowed weakness of a man was to love a woman. Now I see that it is ruining me. After all this mental strain for so long, I became completely incapacitated. I couldn't mentally squeeze the "enemy" during the day and achieve what I want in business. Everything collapsed. I no longer made money. I sold the cars and then took a modest car, which only I now drive. Now we do not lead the life we led before due to the inevitable financial constraints. I have not given up fighting. I have ideas, but to realize them I need at least peace of mind at home. I adore my son and I want him to be well. When he was born, he had a serious health problem and barely survived. It was a real miracle. People rejoice when their son is born and gather friends to draw, and I couldn't even rejoice. I trembled for him and every day, climbing Pirogov's feet, my legs were cut and soft as plasticine. I barely made it to the last site of the intensive care unit, and I peered out of the corner of my eye in horror to see if it would be in his incubator or empty. I do not wish any parent to see their child so postoperatively hooked up the whole in systems that literally hide the little body. Perforated with systems wherever you can think of. Even on the forehead. For almost a month I did not dare to tell my wife the truth about how bad it was and how I was told that we were most likely to lose it, but not to despair because we are young and will have other children. I stopped thinking about myself a long time ago and I only think about what will be best for this suffering child. I know he needs his mother. He loves her very much and is very attached to her. She is only two and a half years old, but she already understands everything and finds it very difficult to go through those moments when she is gone. He is constantly looking for her in the photos at home or in the women on the street. Of course, he still can't understand why all this is happening, but he suffers in his own childish way. I want to end all this this time. I am already completely exhausted mentally. I have nowhere else to give way. My back is against the wall. I don't know if it's a solution to the problem of leaving him without a mother. I don't know if another woman can completely replace his mother. I don't know if another will be able to caress him in the same way. He is too small and needs it. I also know that it can no longer go on like this. I am also grateful to my wife's relatives for supporting me, although this is not of much use to me at the moment. I try to make the right decision and I know that in both cases the child will be a loser. If she leaves him without a mother, he will be upset every time he sees her. In any case, she will have the legal right to see him. If I grit my teeth again and take her home, she will continue to run away from any problem. I don't think it will change. At 22 is and seen from the side is an incredibly beautiful woman, but still mentally and is 15 years old. Several times I offered to visit a specialist or if she wanted to go alone to ask for a professional opinion on everything that was happening, but she did not want to do anything about it. I don't think it made sense to force her to go there, because in that case I can't force a person to talk openly about their problems. I know people have said that love is blind, and at least in the beginning it always is. Maybe it's all luck if a child is born quickly. It's easy to lose a person you only live with. It's hard to decide to do it when you have to think about a child, not just yourself. Now we are again in a period of infinitely difficult communication with SMS. I'm trying to at least get her to see a lawyer to find out about the child out of court. She promises me and then hides again. This is how these infinitely long days pass at the moment. I don't know what he is trying to achieve at the moment. I'm not sure he even knows what he wants. She texted me in response that she wanted to leave us because she didn't want to hurt me anymore. His childish job, but I also have a very small child that I have to think about first of all ......
1 jordanleigh95 answered
The problem is the big difference between you. It is best to just leave her now, because the child is small, but does not deserve such a mother. It is not too late to find him a holy mother for your child. Good luck and I hope things work out.