I Don't Know How To Move Forward

The Story

Hello! I am writing here because I am already ashamed to ask for help and support from friends. Nine months ago, I broke up with someone I really cared about. I dare say that I really loved him, even though the short time spent together. I saw myself in him. For a number of reasons, we had to separate, but we maintained friendly relations and respect for each other. I dare say that I am not one of those people who become easily attached. But I felt emotions unknown to him in previous relationships. The problem is that I can't forget it for 9 months. I can't stop thinking about him. In the evening I fall asleep thinking about him, I dream about him and in the morning he is in my mind again. I constantly dream about him, what it would be like if we were together, where we would be, etc. All my dreams are related to him and only the thought of him makes me smile. Shortly after our paths parted I decided I had to find a way to forget it. I found my hobbies and managed to supplement my time fully. But inwardly I feel like I'm doing all this for him. To want me and one day to be his again. Every action, subconsciously or not, was connected with it. I wanted to change because I secretly hoped there was hope for us. I realized that I was just tormented like that and that was the wrong approach. I tried to go out with others. For all 9 months I went out with two men, a month or two ago. They were both decent and nice, but I was looking for him. I compared them to him and from the first meeting it was clear to me that there would be no second, because they are not my man. The second man I was dating visually looked a lot like the man in question, which I realized after showing it to my girlfriends. I am now ashamed to even share with them my grief and my pathetic attempts to forget it. Yes, it's a shame, because they also separated and suffered, but somehow they managed to get through it. Only I stand and stomp in one place and wonder what it would be like if ... At Christmas I saw a picture with his new girlfriend, in which they were hugged. When I saw her, something inside me broke. I cried a lot. I barely managed to hide from my family so as not to spoil their holiday. I realize that this person does not belong to me, that he is not doing anything wrong, but it still hurts. It hurts me that instead of saying goodbye and fucking, I start thinking and hoping how they can separate and still be able to be with him. I can't recognize myself and I don't know what to do. Please, if you have ever been in my condition, share how you came out of this hole and how you moved forward. I have been standing in one place for more than 9 months and I am afraid of the empty hopes that my mind creates. Give me advice and please do not say that time heals, because not a gram has passed for this period. Do you think I should try to direct my thoughts in another direction or continue to use his image as a soul vent. Sincere thanks to everyone who took the time!

Last Updated
November 11, 2020