I Do Not Know What To Do. I Think I'm Going Crazy!

first, because I don't know where to start, please excuse me if the story is a little confusing and there are spelling mistakes. I'm 30 years old. I have been married for about 1 year. The problem is that before that, I was a big freak, a lot of drinking, parties, boyfriends and nonsense. in general, when I met my husband, I had made a living, and nothing human was alien to me. the moment things got serious between us, I became, an exemplary, responsible woman who is in love with the person she is with and has found what she is looking for. until recently I could swear to that. but the following happened. on his birthday, we were at sea with friends, in the evening we quarreled violently and he went to bed, and I went to a pub with the company, the only other girl who came with us left early. and I stayed, some more. at some point we left we all moved to the terrace of the house we had rented to finish, after which I got quite drunk and went to bed in our room. in the morning we got along with mine and everything was fine. a few weeks after we came home from the sea, I realized that I was pregnant. we had been trying for a long time. and then after a few days of joy, I panicked. it happened at sea. and remorse began, because of that night I was very drunk, I lost moments, I did not remember exactly when and how I went to bed. Nothing in the morning suggested or suggested that I had cheated on him, but I did not remember everything. and because in the past I made mistakes in drunk state, which I regretted, now that I do not know what exactly happened drives me crazy. maybe it's just paranoia, because if I did something there would still be something. which will tell me with whom or that it happened, but it doesn't. but when I know that drunk sometimes I become uncontrollable, I can't calm down. now that I'm pregnant and I should be the happiest, I'm not, I don't dare smile, I'm worried if my husband's child, I'm so confused that I thought about abortion, but I had no reason to, that I used to be drunk when I went out, and I didn't laugh. when we go out with these friends, just to note that if they had the opportunity, no one would miss me, nothing that they were my husband's avers, and they were drunk too. no one shows that anything happened, but I feel guilty and I don't know why, and do I have any reason at all. Maybe something happened and I don't remember anything, or maybe it's just paranoia, from before .I can't be happy because tonight he's eating me from the inside, I can't ask any of the company, for if these doubts of mine reach my husband, and are unfounded, I will ruin my family for nothing, and I adore my husband. and how to ask, as I have no reason for that, and it's a great shame if something happened, I don't remember anything, so I know at least who to ask. I'm crazy. I thought about DNA, but it's very expensive, and I don't have the opportunity to pay that much, and maybe only when I give birth. And I have another problem, I don't know what to call it, but let's say that I often doubt myself, and I'm not sure, and I panic .very time I'm sure I've done something, and after two or three hours or days, I start to doubt it, and I'm terrified until I check. even when they did all my tests and they were perfect, I asked the doctor is she sure they're mine, and I was worried they'd be mistaken in the lab. or now that they told me she was a girl, I immediately thought they might not have seen the duck, instead of rejoicing because that's what we want, girl. please tell me what to do and how to find out if I have failed or suffer from some paranoia. I will be happy if there are no offensive comments because, I am ready to bear the consequences and I do not intend to lie to anyone if I have broken my life I accept that I am to blame, but if I have done nothing I want to have a chance to enjoy my pregnancy without remorse and guilt about something. I got pregnant exactly that day, or one or two before or after it, rules I have sex with my husband every day, even twice, including this day, I have no reason to doubt, except that there are moments from that night that I lose, I know that even if I cheated on him, it is still very likely that he is father.but I want to know and soon. I still have 4 more months to be happy, if there is a way. And maybe I go crazy I don't know, but I only know that I'm very scared, and the scarecrow, I don't sleep like people, I'm very distracted at work and everyone notices it, and I am very closed in on myself, and this does not go unnoticed, neither by my husband nor by my mother with whom we live. tell me what to do, I'm freaking out May. There were three other girls at sea with us, but all three didn't stay with us until the last minute, or didn't go out tonight, I can't trust any of them, and ask her to help me find out, or ask them if they heard something, because they are not so close to me and I can get into serious trouble, and for nothing. I do not know if I have a problem at all, or just go crazy. I am very distracted at work and everyone notices it, and I am very closed in on myself, and this does not go unnoticed, neither by my husband nor by my mother with whom we live. tell me what to do, I'm freaking out May. There were three other girls at sea with us, but all three didn't stay with us until the last minute, or didn't go out tonight, I can't trust any of them, and ask her to help me find out, or ask them if they heard something, because they are not so close to me and I can get into serious trouble, and there is nothing for it. I don't know if I have a problem at all, or I'm just going crazy. I am very distracted at work and everyone notices it, and I am very closed in on myself, and this does not go unnoticed, neither by my husband nor by my mother with whom we live. tell me what to do, I'm freaking out May. There were three other girls at sea with us, but all three didn't stay with us until the last minute, or didn't go out tonight, I can't trust any of them, and ask her to help me find out, or ask them if they heard something, because they are not so close to me and I can get into serious trouble, and there is nothing for it. I don't know if I have a problem at all, or I'm just going crazy.