Hello. I am a boy of 16. For 1-2 years I have been noticing this one change in me that worries me. I think I'm gay and I've been like that all my life, but I just didn't realize it. Before that, however, I was only attracted to girls and there was simply no way to think of a boy. The first conscious erections had just arrived, as he is called (I'm not exactly the new generation, 5 years old to know what my little nickname down there really is for). I remember a moment with a classmate of mine, I was sitting in a chair and she started pushing me. I was crazy then, I could barely control myself. This is now the brightest memory of being "normal". I used to like another girl, with whom the work was obvious at first glance that there would be none. In fact, I've always been disappointed with the opposite sex. And maybe that's why I subconsciously wondered and started targeting people of the same sex. Because, again, this was the earliest period of my realization, many things began to impress me. I started to take a look at the other boys' crotches, it had nothing to do in the beginning with any sexual attraction - just informative and comparative, to determine a place, so to speak ... Because, isn't it, it's set for us, even though we don't recognize men ... Thousands of years ago the penis determined who would dictate the tribe: D Well ... and here it got even worse, because apparently another boy from the same class had the same orientation problems ... And he started to makes a much bigger impression on me. Once I was leaning against the heating in the school, the desk was a little ahead of me and there was a 20 cm one. space between me and the desk itself. I face him. At one point, this boy came and went through this narrow space with his back turned and when his ass touched my penis ... I felt this strange and unique feeling of arousal. I didn't react, I was too confused and I didn't tell him anything. Such random moments were repeated and tripled ... Obviously we both knew it, but we never talked about it. I started to show interest in gay porn ... Things got even worse because my interest in the opposite sex was completely lost. Now, even when I watch "normal" porn, the female genitals seem to me quite unclean compared to the male ones and have such a strange shape ... I am completely neutral. There is simply not a drop of excitement in me looking at such materials. And another thing ... for those who don't know, I want to tell you ... that transvestites and gays are two different things. Otherwise, as a gay person (it is very difficult for me to call myself as such, but I think I have to get used to it), I define myself as active. I mean ... I don't want to be pushed in the back because it's too pedaly. It may sound ridiculous, but I think there is a difference: D. I prefer such, muscular and big types, according to what I've seen, but I've always imagined that I'm the active back. That I am these strong men ... As one man in a video had said: "The gay is the new straight. So what You fuck women? Women are weak! But you fuck men? You're a tough guy then! You FUCK MEN! "I think otherwise there are a lot of factors that determine sexuality. To a large extent I think it is determined in the birth itself, and then behavior and other side factors take a role. In general, I have not received much paternal love in my life, rather my mother took care of me, I have a sister ... Although it sounds stupid, it can be of great importance for what I am now. Another thing - as I said above, my attempts to get closer to a girl have completely failed and I have always been cut off. Probably a factor as to why they're doing so well. And probably last - as a child, a family member (my grandmother) tried to kill me ... I don't think such stress is easy. And she is not one of those ordinary grandmothers with biscuits and bright joy in their eyes when they see you. This is a snake. I don't want to talk much about it, but this part of my life is totally darkened. I can't complain about physical harassment, even though there was. Worse was the mental ... He had a special hatred for me, the 6-year-old boy, who obviously understood what was going on around him better than any of his peers. A little off topic - my IQ was pretty high then. I do not wish such an experience on anyone. I still can't sleep normally sometimes. Probably then it somehow switched something inside my brain and determined my destiny in the future. All this may seem dumb, but I think there is some meaning in everything. As the old saying goes - "Man forges his own destiny". Although I'm almost aware of myself, I've been thinking for minutes (not to mention hours, I don't want to lie: D) every night about what might be the reason I'm like this now and have clarified it (like I think that at least 60-70% of the people around me are to blame for this, but what to do - that's life), I just wanted to make it a little easier when I wrote this. But I'm thinking of publishing it. I wonder what you think. Is there any cure? PS In fact, even though it seems wrong to me, even though the media continues to spew anti-homosexual thoughts, and religion continues to control the people like stray sheep (please do not cling to this order, I do not mind believers , but that's why, don't tell me about religion either, because a long debate will start, which has always been going on and which ends disastrously for one of the disputants) ... So ... let me continue my thought: D - although wrong it seems to me to be aroused by the sight of a good-looking man, preferably with a relief body, some other still, unknown and interesting feelings appear in my mind, which make me enjoy this confusion of mine. That is ... this sinful act is just like the forbidden fruit - Forbidden (duh) and delicious. And if there is now a way to suddenly become heterosexual again (I believe that somewhere there is a smoldering fire of this normalcy in me), maybe I should think ... Because the pleasure and adrenaline that flood me with homosexuality in relation to it contacts, even, I think are much stronger. Sounds stupid, I know. Greetings! :)
1 calisya answered
Boy, you said it yourself, that you liked girls, that you couldn't control yourself. If so, then you're on the right bank, you're probably a little confused, but you're completely normal and you like girls. Don't worry, I'm not going to push you religious nonsense, but the most important thing is to follow the rules of nature in order to reproduce. :-) Reproduction requires a man and a woman.